Hello my support friends. It has been a while since I last posted. I have been full of all sorts of weird feelings and thoughts lately.
I saw my psychiatrist this week and he was amazed at my numbness. I hadn't seen him since the end of September. I had lost considerable weight since then and don't even see it. I feel like I have gained considerable amounts of weight. I am always bloated and just not feeling very good.
Anyway, he asked me how I was feeling the past little while. I said I didn't really know. I came up with the word indifferent. He said that I was very indifferent and numb as I talked to him. I showed no emotion at all - which is unlike me. I am soooooo consumed in my ED I don't have time to feel, or that's how I interpret it.
I have an appointment with the coordinator of the outpatient program at the local hospital on Wednesday next week. I was soooooo needing to get in to see her - get started on some kind of healing - that I was soooo happy when she called and set up the appointment. Now.... I am afraid. I am afraid of starting this program and then failing. I am afraid of having to let go of ED. I am obsessed with him right now and the thought of having to let go is terrifying.
I tried to schedule my next psychiatrist appointment within a couple of weeks only to find out he doesn't have anything available until 8 weeks from now. It's a good thing that I can see this new lady.
Okay, so enough of my negativeness. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!!!:)
Shana...it's good to hear from you Shana! I'm sorry this is a hard time for you, but please keep reaching out here and to others for help!
Wishing you a great weekend as well....Jan ♥
Hey Shana,
Wow, it sounds like the ED is really taking it's toll on you and you are using it completely numb your feelings. Sweetie is there any other therapist you could go to...eight weeks is a long time to go without talking professionally, or fighting this ED.
I know how hard it is to get into those emotions sweetie.
Moongal, I will be seeing someone this Wednesday. This lady runs an outpatient type program through the local hospital. It is only on Mondays and Wednesdays, but, hopefully I can see her more often than my shrink. We'll see.
Hey hun,
So glad you are seeing someone Wednesday, hopefully they can arrange something where you are seeing someone once a week anyway. It's so good the way you've realised ok what I'm doing now, isn't good....it really is.
you are so brave for realizing you need help and getting it!
like you, i used my eating disorder to hide and was just indifferent (a great word to describe the feeling). but once you stop letting your ED control your life, you will realize all the amazing things there are in life!
i am so proud of you and keep it up, beating an ED is not an easy thing to do and it is a long process:) you can do it!
best of luck and love, hanna