I've been researching about my obsession and from what I've

I've been researching about my obsession and from what I've read I suffer from Retroactive Jealousy....
My boyfriend and I have been together over a year, we are very serious and have discussed marriage. He is the sweetest, kindest & most supportive man I've ever been with and that says alot at my age of 40. The problem is that his ex-wife ( has no children with) that he was married to for 6 years and admits he just settled because of fear of being alone, is Hideously Ugly & Fat! I am obsessed with the fact he was with someone so grotesque!!!
Yes I know some of you are thinking how shallow I must be, or Petty but I'm really not that way or Ive never been that way before.
In the past I have got physically sick when he touched me because it would hit me out of the blue that he touched his disgusting ex, sometimes I could hold back getting sick til later but sometimes I couldn't. It has actually gotten so bad before that just thinking about it , I would get sick.
I am begging , pleading & praying there is help for me!!! I love this man and I would do anything to get over this mental craziness I have! Any advice!?!?

Hi JKS, Wow, This sounds like a very painful experience. First I want to say that I don't think it is a matter of your being too weak or too sensitive or anything like that. I think the fact that you're trying to look at it objectively and overcome it is evidence of how sincere and ethical you are.
I'm no expert on this subject. But if you want advice from the peanut gallery, here goes. I googled it a bit, and I discovered that it can be classified as an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. So you could join the OCD support group here. Also, are there any local support groups you could join? They don't have to be about RJ, just something in that general direction, like support groups for women your age. I don't know your finances, but therapy can probably be helpful. Finally, it sounds like underneath your repulsion is fear. Does that resonate? Is there someone you could talk to about that? Is there some way you could journal about that? Best of luck.

@L2015 I so appreciate your comment a, TY! I will definitely be looking more into the OCD side of this.

Jkslost, while I have not had to deal with such an issue, I think that you know that it is, indeed, an obsession with you and something must be done. I strongly suggest that you see a counselor. I will join you in prayer that you will find release in this so that you can enjoy your man without reservation!

@alicer I appreciate your comment and prayers! Thank You! Counseling is definitely in my future!