I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years & our relationship has always been terrible since the beginning he has anger problems & always ends up lashing out on me calling me extremely hurtful things that are completely unforgivable & I'm still trying to make things work but I feel like I try more than he does he keeps saying he will change & get better so he won't hurt me anymore but he never does he just keeps getting worse I feel like he doesn't care about me anymore & like everything he's ever told me was a lie Idk what to do I love him & I don't want to lose him & he's also the only person I have so without him I'd be alone & I'm scared I won't ever find anyone else & I'd just die alone or something I know that sounds so dramatic but I really am scared about that happening I know I should let him go but I can't & I'm just so miserable he's always stepping all over me & I really don't know what to do
I'm so sorry you're in this terrible place. It is scary to be alone, but it sounds like you would be so much better off. I believe in soul mates, so I believe there is someone out there who will treat you with kindness and respect. I'm here if you need to talk.
Welcome here. BF's words cut like a knife, he needs to stop. Create boundaries & consequences for his actions, be it taking a much needed break from relationship to get your point across. This is not alright on any level & should be heeded as a "Red Flag", he needs to find good coping skills while learning good communication skills too. He can't change what he will not acknowledge so you can only be in control of yourself & no one else. Be prepared to walk away, this is abusive. I'm so sorry. A good relationship begins w/a solid foundation to build on, one either enhances or contaminates a relationship.
Every time I try to let go of the relationship he always comes crying back to me saying he will change & treat me better but he never does it's always the same cycle with him & I don't understand why he is the way he is now he was so sweet when we first met but ever since we got together he started changing & the longer we are together the worse he is getting :/ & it sucks because he's my first real boyfriend & my first love & he's the only guy I've ever trusted completely because I usually never trust guys at all so it's hard to let him go :(
@PammieSunshine - he needs to require more from himself, if he’s battling something within then he may need a professional, if affordable, to assist him. This is not something you can fix for him. Usually answers lie in ones past history, the way one is raised, genetic links play a role or traumatic experiences, Also if he has a substance issue he’s battling then HE needs to address that.
I do know anger problems run in his family & some of them have had to go to anger management but he says he can't afford to go & he doesn't try to learn coping skills instead he just acts like everything is fine until he explodes on me & dumps me constantly & I'm his first relationship so I wouldn't know if he would act like this with every girlfriend or just me & I've known him since I was 16 & I'm 20 now & he's also my best friend which makes all of this so much harder to let go of & why after everything im still by his side even though he doesn't deserve for me to be I just wish things could get better & it hurts that I'm now realizing they probably won't ever get better
& for all those years I've been with him every single day & we talk from the moment we wake up until the moment we go to sleep so it hurts because losing him would be such a huge change in my life
Heres a useful link -
http://ladywithatruck.com/abuse-can-be-subtle-and-deadly/
Also, consider joining the codependency group, I’m a classic enabler took me years to stop sweeping up after toxic folks messes THEY created & you may find useful information in that group. This will eventually wear on your last nerve while crushing your esteem, I do hope you consider researching options while you stay w/us for extra support.