I've never felt so inadequate in my life. I mess up as paren

I've never felt so inadequate in my life. I mess up as parent because I don't think I have enough patience. My kids would do something wrong and I would yall at them instead of talking to them in a better tone. I always end up feeling bad so I would apologize & speak in a appropriate tone after the fact. Then I would explain where they went wrong, why can't I just do that from the start I hate that so much. My mom was the same way with me & I hate that I have the same habit. I am always afraid, always doubting myself & always down & hurt about my ex husband. It bothers me a lot that he moved on although he wasn't a good husband & that's why I divorced him. Why do I still hurt about him & its been almost 4 years. It hurts to know life is good for him & it hurts to know he's still messing around with one of his AP the main one I divorced him over. He did all the wrong but I'm the one suffering. I am at a new job & it feels like I can't get into the groove of doing things & I have more experience than some of the ppl here & their doing better than me. I think twice about everything & I am nervous when I have to do certain task & it causes me to mess up. I have no fulfilling moments in my life personally. I love my kids more than anything & my eyes fill with tears every time I think about them growing up without me it scares me, so I try to keep pushing but I am so TIRED. I don't date because after my divorce I contracted hsv2. I hate myself for that how can I tell someone I have that. I have never hated myself more than I do now. I don't even have the drive to make life better for myself. I am just lost & afraid & ashamed, sigh this is the worse pain ever.

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, friend. Your posts brought tears to my eyes, and I wish I could give you a hug. It's obvious that you love your children very much, and most of us go through this feeling over the job we've done as parents. There's no way we can be a perfect mom – we all fall short. But, we can do better. So, please don't be hard on yourself, but give yourself grace. You're the best mom for your kids. Nobody can replace that. From your message, I can tell that you have a lot on your plate. Have you ever considered talking to a caring therapist/counselor? Do you have a support group nearby? Take some time for yourself and get help. I'd suggest that you check out this book: Am I Messing Up My Kids by Lysa TerKeurst. I'm sure it'll give you good insight. Remember, you deserve to feel better and don't carry your burdens alone. You can always come here to vent/share, and I'm here to support you. Stay strong, mommy. Sending hugs & prayers your way.

1 Heart

@littlestarsmum Hi thank you for your kind words and advice I really needed it. I have a counselor but I have to start seeing her more often. The only support group I have is on this site. I willing definitely add that book on audible & start listening today. Thank you for commenting and your prayers God knows I need them. Have a great day HUGS