I've spent the past few days thinking about things. This pas

I've spent the past few days thinking about things. This past fall semester in college has been a complicated one.

I had a falling out with a friend/acquaintance I cared about and his friends. It really wasn't my fault for that, it was a series of factors that played into the equation.

I reconnected with two close friends R and T one last time before R is entering Air Force basic training. It seemed different because T just got drunk before everyone else did. R really doesn't drink, and I'm somewhat cutting back drinking or getting out of that. I had hoped we have one last big party together that night, but we didn't . I'm not mad at them, I'm just saying.

I tried to have friendships with people younger than me(I'm 24 and kept it around 18-20) than around my own age. I do talk to people around my age, I just hanged out people younger than me because I live on campus. I go to grad school, but I haven't really felt some acceptance in my department. I don't know why is that the case, I just never really thought I felt I like belonged.

I hanged out with younger people around my age last year and around this year for a while. The first go around in college, I didn't feel like I enjoyed it that much. A lot of factors and emotions and experiences I had at that the time played into the equation.

I did have some good and bad experiences from the past year when I hanged out with the people I considered friends.

Though it's different now like I said. T and R aren't on campus anyone. R is going into the AF; T is living at his parent's house since he got evicted the year prior for some housing violation. I had a falling out with some people this year. I've hanged out with other people but it's not the same.

I did go to bars and try "to socialize/fit in" with people around my age, but I feel like I got bored or tired of it. I don't know why.

I'm still a virgin at 24 and I feel embrassed by that, I don't have a lot of friends, I have a dysfunctional family of sorts.

I just feel like my social life just seems broken right now.

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