Jealousy and separation... I really need advice. Things ar

Jealousy and separation... I really need advice.
Things are hard for me right now. I'm currently in a hospital for a serious disease, and the doctors say I would have to stay for 6 months. I can still see my boyfriend, he comes to visit me every week, brings a change of clothes and any other items I might need. It's been a month and a half, we've been talking a lot. One of the hard things is social events - my bf is spending a lot of time with his friends, it helps him cope with all the stress (work, managing the house, my condition). He asked me whether he should be talking to me about parties he goes to and people he meets (he said he wasn't sure since as I can't participate I might feel hurt). I said it was OK. But yesterday he told me he met this girl.. Who is just right his alley, she shares all his interests, she's probably good looking and she has a difficult past (something my bf loves helping people get through). So, I'm becoming extremely jealous.
We talked about it, and he said honestly that he told her he had a girlfriend, and if there was any attraction, emotional or physical, it was his prerogative to fight it. Because he has decided that he would be loyal to me. "I might fall for somebody, but hey, these feeling are superficial, it doesn't mean I will act on them.I will do everything I can to stop myself". Which he apparently did - he told me he went to her apartment to make sure she made it home safely and didn't need a doctor, since that night she wasn't feeling good physically at all.
The way I see it, I have 2 options:
A. Tell him to stop seeing this girl, and potentially fan the flames of attraction. Nothing creates more attraction that the secretive aspects of a relationship.
B. Do nothing, tell him to not talk to me about partying and girls he spends his evenings with. This way I won't get triggered, but my brain on meds will probably keep telling me he is with other girls all the time.
And advice and words of support will be highly appreciated <3

1 Heart

Woe, my heart goes out to you. That's so difficult. Having been ill, I have an idea how hard this is for you. I'm so sorry. Can't even tell you what I would do if my bf did that. : ( To me it seems like because he told you, it means he's faithful and wants to remain loyal. If he didn't, he would have hidden it, or down played things more. I do feel though that he had become a tad too close to this other person and I hope he stops, for your sake.

1 Heart

@Scat thank you for your kind words <3 it’s true, nothing would be easier to just hide the whole thing, yet he told me. I ended up talking to my therapist and she said I absolutely had the right to tell him to consider my feelings. We had a conversation about it and he said that a) he wasn’t actually physically attracted to this girl, b) if he’d let something happen, it would have meant that “his entire world would crumble, because he is unable to stay loyal to his principles”. Funny thing, he also told me he was getting a confidence boost from girls thinking “welp, there are still great guys out there, but all of them are taken” :smiley: We agreed that he would gauge his potential actions, see if it would be something I would not be happy with/be hurt by. We also agreed that they would contact each other less and meet less often. They haven’t seen each other since, we’ll see how things go <3