Jealousy at its core

My partner is great to me, but the more she reassures me that she loves me, the more insecure I feel. It doesn't make sense. The more reassurance I get, the less worthy I feel. I'm jealous of every new guy friend that comes into the picture, especially if he's good looking. My jealousy unfortunately, has made it so we're not together anymore. We know we are soul mates, but she can't stand my jealousy and possessiveness. She wants me to stop, but there's this deep fear inside me that spells abandonment. I believe that anybody who ever loves me will abandon me. She is the only one who has shown otherwise and now I've pushed her so far, I'm afraid she will go into someone else's arms. I think I sorta know how to stop "acting" jealous, but how do I stop FEELING jealous? She sees it on my face everytime those insecurities pop up because our souls are so connected, therefore I can hide no feeling from her that I hold inside. The feeling of jealousy is a horrible, treacherous feeling anyway that I despise. How do I get rid of that feeling???

minister1, so very sorry your suffering. in my own experience it was (and still can be) insecurity as well as control. fear losing something or not having something i wanted. nor did i trust the other person. i've had much to work on over the years. no majic formula accept being honest in the moment with the person as to what is REALLY going on behind the jealousy. means being vulnerable about you and your feelings. i hope this helps in some way.....just fyi been married 19yrs to a very patient man who loves me.

I'm sure it is insecurity. I don't accept love well when in a relationship. This is the first person I've ever truly been in love with and I believe I have chased her away for good with my jealous ways. It's gotten to the point that I wanna know where she is, who she's with, who she's on the phone with, who she's texting. I wanna have control over what she wears and which male friends she has. I've come to the realization that I'm abusive in that manner. She knows I would never lay a hand on her, but sometimes the controlling behavior is worse as it plays on emotions. I lived in an abusive household during my teenage years and although I can say I hate my abuser with a passion, I have become just like him in many ways. How do you not feel jealous? you've been married for 19 years. How did you get over your jealousy?

see my previous post......plus going to therapy. it helped to untangle the beast of jealousy. lots of work on yourself. i'm hoping others in the group can pass on their recovery experiences also. i'm never not jealous anymore i've learned skills over the years. hubby was as bad as me if not worse. he was jealous of my kids, my cats.....anything that took any part of my attention. it was hairy for many years....oh the stories! the key for us was and is god. you may never get rid of it i don't know but, you can learn to control it instead of letting it control you/your life.

Minister1,
I do relate somewhat to what you have and are going through...I am getting married in aug. to a wonderful man, I recently found out that I have Fibromyalgia and I felt he might not understand so I was affriad, well in the mean time his "ex" and her family began tring to contact him again, through facebook driving by etc. it made me so insecure due to the fact I was already feeling vunerable about myself, that I was ready to give an altimatium to him...which wasn't the right thing to do of course...but in my state of thinking I was hurting inside and felt betrayed to some extent even though he hadn't done anything...I still feel this way, I want them gone out of our lives forever, I want us to be he and I not anyone else, but that's a hard thing to explain when your sobbing and tongue tied ...so I guess what I'm tring to say is this a woman wants alittle jealousy just to know you care about her know that you love her and appreciate her and take notice of her, but not go overboard you have to trust her, just like I have to trust him!!! Hope this helps?

Blueeyes