Jealousy is an ugly word

JEALOUSY!...ugly word ain't it? And it's hard to admit, yes I am jealous. Why because we feel it's a character flaw, it's an emotion we feel when we don't get what we want...however jealousy runs much deeper than that.
Hands up anyone who has been jealous? My guess is 99% of people reading this have their hands up.

Jealousy Equation: Fear + Anger = Jealousy
Fear that you are losing something and anger that someone is moving in on that something = jealous.

Now you know the equation, we must learn how to handle this..
1. Allow yourself to feel it - ask yourself is this more fear based or anger based? Figuring this bit out helps to get to the root of the issue.

2. Communicate your feelings - Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use "I" instead of "you." Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have done that," say, "I felt terrible when that happened."

3. Identify what your jealousy is teaching you - Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you.
If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself....
"Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?" When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.

4. Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy - There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy.
Have you ever noticed how you see an ex flirting with someone and next thing you've this whole relationship of theirs made up in your head, it's important to not let your head run away with itself and stick with facts and the facts are you feel how you feel not cos of flirting possibly cos you are angry at he/she for seeming to be moving on.

5. Make a list of all your good points and only compare yourself to yourself rather than to others.

6. Work on your self esteem. If you have more confidence in yourself you will be less likely to allow jealousy to have power over you.

Remember there is no shame in feeling jealous...even though there is a certain sting behind that is a human emotion, and it is showing of feeling. So long as you deal with in a way that is upholding of the person you really are, so feel jealous if you need to, just don't cope with it by hurting someone.

Love ye guys
Moongal x

moongal, got both my hands in the air waving lik e a fool! i was a raging, jealous, angry, alcoholic person for many years. happy to report i'm not that person anymore. BUT oh yes jealousy on occaision will rear its head.....the information you posted is great!!!!! it really is all about us and not the other person or thing we like to place it on. oohh girlfriend that jeaslous angry person still was there when the alcohol was'nt and did i have work to do. ever hear fear says dare not, pride says need not......many years in recovery has touched the deeper meaning like you said of this emotion.

thanks for putting that out there for all of us to see and hopefully admit....ah yup, got some issues there. your a doll hun.

Hey Wiffy,
This posted 3 times and I've no idea why so I'm just going to reply to this one as I don't know how to delete the others.

Thanks you for your reply. I think jealousy to many and me has felt like this "awful" shameful emotion that we shouldn't feel, but it's not at all. It's natural to feel jealous and various points in our lives.

The important thing is what we do with that feeling.

Love to you hun
Moongal x

your a doll moongal, and i'm very glad i didn't over step or offend you in anyway. you hit the nail right on the head there girlfriend with that post. it's be interesting to see what other replies your post jars out of others. thanks again honey. love xxoo

Hey MG, the other day I just posted about how I am jealous of this person that I will be working with this summer. So when I saw and read your post it really helped me and made me think. Jealousy is really a ugly word and it is hard to admit. My hands are up, I have definitely been jealous, I am even jealous right now. Your post was very informational and really helped me. Thanks moongal! Love you sweetie!

moongal i agree with kathy you hit the nail on the head. i get jealous also. its nice to know the feelings you are having like you said so maybe we can work through them. thanks for the wonderful information!

Hey guys,
Thanks for the replies. I think we associate the word jealousy with being a horrible "*****" or "*******". I have been guilty of consoulling a friend by saying "oh that person is just jealous"...but it goes beyond that, it goes to they are hurt and angry and afraid.

So don't feel guilty for feeling jealous, try to find a way to cope and get through it.

Love ye
Moongal x

no no moongal thank you hun. great stuff. and indeed it goes deeper and with the information you gave us we can use those tools to dig deeper....i personally am on a life quest to deal with all the demons and hidden secrets within myself that causes various behaviors that i don't high five from "da *****" in texas (hehehe) if you have anymore goodies like what ya posted on jealousy i'm in....the truth may not be pretty but it really does set ya free.