JEALOUSY!...ugly word ain't it? And it's hard to admit, yes I am jealous. Why because we feel it's a character flaw, it's an emotion we feel when we don't get what we want...however jealousy runs much deeper than that.
Hands up anyone who has been jealous? My guess is 99% of people reading this have their hands up.
Jealousy Equation: Fear + Anger = Jealousy
Fear that you are losing something and anger that someone is moving in on that something = jealous.
Now you know the equation, we must learn how to handle this..
1. Allow yourself to feel it - ask yourself is this more fear based or anger based? Figuring this bit out helps to get to the root of the issue.
2. Communicate your feelings - Sharing your true feelings with someone without blaming them can create a deep sense of connection between the two of you and open up a dialogue about the path of your relationship. Use "I" instead of "you." Instead of saying, "You shouldn't have done that," say, "I felt terrible when that happened."
3. Identify what your jealousy is teaching you - Jealousy can alert you to what you want and what is important to you. If you’re jealous of someone talking to a friend of yours, personal relationships may be important to you.
If you’re jealous about money, you may have an underlying need for security or freedom. Ask yourself....
"Why am I jealous over this? What is making me jealous? What am I trying to keep? Why do I feel threatened?" When you begin to understand what makes you jealous, you can begin to take positive steps to maintain those things, without the cloud of negative emotion that accompanies jealousy.
4. Change any false beliefs that might cause jealousy - There are often false beliefs that underlie jealousy and fuel emotion. If you examine the belief, you can often eliminate the jealousy.
Have you ever noticed how you see an ex flirting with someone and next thing you've this whole relationship of theirs made up in your head, it's important to not let your head run away with itself and stick with facts and the facts are you feel how you feel not cos of flirting possibly cos you are angry at he/she for seeming to be moving on.
5. Make a list of all your good points and only compare yourself to yourself rather than to others.
6. Work on your self esteem. If you have more confidence in yourself you will be less likely to allow jealousy to have power over you.
Remember there is no shame in feeling jealous...even though there is a certain sting behind that word...it is a human emotion, and it is showing of feeling. So long as you deal with in a way that is upholding of the person you really are, so feel jealous if you need to, just don't cope with it by hurting someone.
Love ye guys
Moongal x