I have Major Depression and Borderline Personality, and I have been hospitalized for it twice and partially hospitalized once. I loved being in the hospital. It made me feel safe and cared for. It gave me activities to do, a place to escape from the reality of daily life, and most importantly, my parents gave me all the attention i deserved. But there is someone in my life that I have been competing with for a long time: My friend Julia. Julia happens to be my boyfriend's sister, and I care about her a lot, but we're very similar. She's been hospitalized 3 times. And now she's in a therapy treatment center in Florida for 3 months because she tried to kill herself, she stole her parent's credit card and spent thousands of dollars on it, and she smokes weed. I feel so jealous of her because when I spoke to her she told me it was warm there and relaxing. I would kill to be in her position right now. I want to be sent there. It's 14K a month though, and my family would never be able to afford it. Also, my parents don't think I need it. They don't understand me though. They didn't even want me in the hospital when I had a mental breakdown. Little do they know that I'm still cutting, I'm still depressed and I still want to kill myself. But they would never believe me. I hate my job and it makes me more depressed about my life. I just want to have a suicide attempt so I can end up back in the hospital where I'll feel safe and get the help I need. Am I the only one jealous of someone else being in the hospital/therapy center? Is there something wrong with me that makes me feel such jealousy and envy towards someone else getting help? I'm going to therapy twice a week, but I feel like it's not enough. I just want to escape my life for awhile.
Try to talk to your therapist, what can you do to change your life and to make it interesting and fulfilling. Explain about your job and that you do not feel comfortable there, and see what they will say. Jealousy will not solve the problem, but faith and believe in yourself and all your good qualities will help you a lot. Take care and God bless you.
have you talked to your therapist about all of your feelings? like everything you just said. i would be honest with her and let her know how you feel maybe they can help you overcome this obstacle. life is worth living hun. you just need some extra help. there is nothing wrong with needing help please ask for it. do not worry if your parents dont think you need help you know you better than anyone else. i will be praying for you.
I understand about feeling "safe" in the Hospital. Everyone there understands, know what you go thru, take care of you, and the focus is on you and not the things in the outside world we all struggle with.
hereforhelp, that's exactly it. That's what I'm missing. That's what I'm jealous about.