Hello support group friends!!! It has been a long while since I last posted. I remember saying at the beginning of the summer that I would need to be here every day just to make it through - yet I think I have posted 3 or 4 times over the whole summer. Maybe it is a sign that I am doing okay???
I have been (in my own mind) very good this summer and had only 2 or 3 purges all summer long. My restricting has gotten a little better too. I did however still manage to lose some more weight. I was very surprised. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that I run 5-10 Km everyday.
My husband has been very good with his vigilence on my eating. He is pretty "ok" with what I am consuming. His big issue now is my lack of communication with him. It will be our 10 year anniversary in September and we had planned a dinner with family and a few close friends. I spent hours making my own invitations and all. Three days ago he told me he wanted to cancel it. He didn't think that we should be celebrating since we are not exactly at a point to warrent a celebration.
So, now we are going to concentrate on working on "us". According to him I need to communicate more, let go of past issues, not be so negative, not be so self absorbed, etc... I don't know. It's not that I don't want to make things works etc... but it is soooooo difficult. I am really stuck at this point. I know I have made tremendous gains from when I was in hospital and all consumed with my ED. I just can't seem to get over this wall in front of me.
The councellor that we have both been going to see made a comment the other day when I saw her. She said that I may not be getting enough support to handle my issues. I see a psychiatrist about once a month. I am on medication and I talk with him for one hour when I see him. Otherwise I have nothing (except my husband). Should I have more help? Should I be over all my issues by now? Am I not working hard enough to "get better"? What else should I be doing? Do I have the time and energy to keep fighting so hard?? As so many of you have mentioned before - some days I feel great and think I can take on the world yet it is usually not long lasting and then I think I just want to crawl under a rock and hide away.
I am at home alone this week. My husband took the kids to camp. I have to start back to work on Thursday (I am a teacher) so I couldn't go. I spent yesterday painting my kitchen (ate no breakfast had a snack at lunch, but did eat a decent dinner). Today I told myself I am going to eat proper - and it is 9am and I did have breakfast - so maybe I will succeed. I think it is very daunting to be alone for one week. Oh the things I could do (or not do).
I am sorry I have rambled on so long. I guess I need this venue to rant more than I thought. As always I am so thankful that you are all out there and listening. I hope everyone has a great day.
Thanks and hugs
shana