My routine is spastic...
Often, after working out at the gym, I often go pick up a salad (which I actually ENJOY) and feel good eating and not over-stuffed ... so naturally I feel like I'd be on a good path to go WITHOUT b/p..
Then later in the day (sometimes even within the HOUR) I'll begin getting these urges that begin with a simple small serving of frozen yoghurt (innocent enough, right?)
Then I'll re-think that and feel guilty for that 1 SMALL SERVING size of frozen yoghurt... so then I'll just go out and get any and everything from chocolates to cake... and eat it until I practically BUST.
I don't understand how my day begins so perfectly/healthy and then get DESTROYED.
What do I do to convince myself that I DESERVE 1 small or even medium dessert?? especially a semi-healthy dessert relatively speaking???
thx
caroline
Hi Caroline....I'm sorry you are suffering, and it sounds like this chaos is truly controlling your life.
Can you see that a salad is simply not providing your body with enough fuel to run on, and over a long term, the deprivation has led to the urges to binge and then purge, simply because your body DOES need more fuel. Eating 'healthy' all the time, avoiding foods of all types, is what leads to bingeing. A balance with adequate calories is what is necessary to break that cycle. Then you need the added guidance to develop new ways to cope with emotional distress, which is likely at the bottom of this.
Moderation, balance, and consistency....perhaps a plan for eating would help you. Are you seeing a therapist? Please continue to share, and remember that you deserve your freedom and it is totally possible!
Take care....Jan ♥
thanks for your note jan. i agree with you on a lot of your points.. i would say that my salads aren' the typical salads - they are "healthy" with proteins (chicken, beans, etc.) - so sort of a meal.. which is why they are fufilling... but maybe you're right that i need to try to incorporate more non-healthy-foods.
i stopped seeing my therapist b/c she was useless. she never really directed me towards anything helpful all she did was ask how my eating was.
i haven't been able to find anyone else in my insurance right now and am also doing a lot of traveling so i've been participating on OA conference calls until i find another solution.
i've tried so several therapists and wonder if its really worth it? the time, money, investment.. and nothing seems to really hit home as to WHY i am doing this to myself...
i've read a zillion books on B., and also went in treatment IN patient for 2 weeks... still nothing
feeling that nothing will alter this destructive behavior...so essentially i would like to at least decrease the amount of times i bp...
xoxo,
caroline
Caroline....keep seeking the help you need.....you deserve it!! Take care...Jan ♥