Just Got out of Treatment....But hanging in there

First 5 days going about as expected, stressful, but I was trained well. I am following through with everything just like I was taught, but the sudden rush of freedoms do feel like a bit of a rush at times.

Little Big Man, congratulations on making it through treatment and staying on track, that's amazing! Stay strong and on this positive path. Please keep sharing with us, I would love to know how you are doing.

Alright… Fresh out of treatment, I went shopping today, trying to get everything in house to keep my meal plan in line. I am so limited in what I am willing to eat, it is very hard on me. I went to the grocery store and thought I would be ok, but I wasn’t. I started in the fruits and veggies, that was ok, but when I came to the meats, I got lost, I began reading labels, got confused and nervous. I stood in the aisle for about 5 minutes, left my cart and started to walk out of the store. I was nervous and wanted to cry… Embarassed and ashamed… It was rough…
But I went back… Threw some things in my basket and checked out. I wondered if anyone new as I watched people laugh and walk down the aisles what incredible turmoil I was going through…
I WAS THERE TO GET EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN’T WANT! Just like I was sealing my own fate… Purposely buying food to eat.

That is awesome, you can do it.

Good evening anyone…

Went shopping today for the first time in three years.... For myself. It started off ok, but it was a nightmare after about fifteen minutes. I didn't really want to buy food that I had to eat. I froze in the grocery store. It was tough. I stood in one spot for about five minutes, reading labels, looking at packages of meat, picking them up and putting them down I became disoriented, confused and disheartened. Finally, I left my cart and walked off. I wanted to cry. I was embarassed, my heart was racing. I watched people go by, happy, laughing, talking, and I went down an aisle where no one could see me.
I waited perhaps five minutes, called my therapist and she told me to just leave it and leave if I felt I had to.
I walked around, looked back at my cart, it was still there. No one had touched it, moved it, it was only filled a quarter of the way, but it looked like a ridiculous mountain. A month of food for me...
I took some deep breaths, eased down, went back to my cart, got away from the meats, went down the aisles, picked the same things we had at the hospital and left.
I avoided the ensure though....

That is such a huge step, congratulations! You should be so proud of yourself. You made it to the grocery store, although it was tough for you, you got through it. It will only get easier and easier and easier for you. I am so excited that you purchased the same food you had at the hospital. You are on such a positive path....keep up the great work and please keep sharing with us. I really would love to know how you're doing.

Congratulations that your out of treatment now its time to stay on the right path. I hope the best for you. Now that you have all these freedoms maybe you should try to take it easy for a few weeks so you can stick with your recovery and treatment.

Went to work today, that went ok...Hectic, but the pace feeds into the Excercise side of my anorexia. It was nice, I tried not to get into it, but it swelled over me and before I knew it I was swept away. My heart began racing. For some reason, it seems like the anxiety that builds up is so much more acute now than when I went into treatment, perhaps, because I try to resist. Instead of just being swept away. Strange...
I suppose when I had anxiety before, perhaps I just binged or purged it away and was fine...

Little Big Man, I think that this is all normal, as you are easing back into everyday life and working your treatment and recovery into it. I think the key is to find a way to get your anxiety at bay, did treatment help you with that or give you any type of steps to alleviate this? When I feel anxiety ridden, I step away, take a little walk and take several deep breaths in [where I hold the breath for a moment and exhale]. This always does the trick. You are on the right path...stay strong.