Hi, I'm new here. I have depression, anxiety and OCD. Have had OCD since pre-teen years - counting, checking, as well as trichotilomania - hair pulling at first, then skin picking. Have been skin picking for 30 years and really want to get rid of it. Am hoping to gain some insight from other skin pickers, like resources, medication that works, books to read (I'm a keen reader), diet changes, using fidgets, anything that has helped others. Right now my right arm is a mess of scabs and is difficult to conceal with t-shirt weather.
Hiya birdygirl,
Im too new to this site and so far it seems to be bringing a new distraction and also excillerating exercise. I still can't believe what some people write as it could just have been me writing it! Your not alone at all which I have thought for your years as there are so many others in the world just the same.
My mum had severe OCD as a child and all through out her life with cleanliness (washes hands 100 times) can't bear sticky dirty things to extreme!! It is not as bad as it used to be but the traits are still there!
Its only just recently that as well as depression for 18 years, severe domestic violence in every possible way! and the last 7 years since escaping! that I have
anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm, loneliness, self-destruct, addictiveness (drugs, alcohol, shopping sprees, promiscousity). Now labelled with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER!
That I actually realised that I also have traits of OCD with my perfectionism in everything! my relentless list writing, but the same as you I self-harm by SKIN PICKING upto maybe 18 hours in a day on a bad day! From someone who had perfect skin - I have badly scarred my body all over - legs, arms, face, boobs, bum, head and private area! Its not cause I have bad skin but I run my hands all over my body on skin surface and the second I find an imperfection (heat bumb) I pick until I gauge and make a whole and re pick and scab and again and again and even pick the scars!
Sometimes I do it without even realising automatically!
Sometimes I do it as I'm cross with myself and want to hurt myself as a relieving anger and frustration!
Sometimes I do it as I hate my self image so much that I think in my head I have to remove the inperfections and it will all be better -- obviously it just makes me 100 times worse!
It has taken over a big part of my life and makes me not want my husband to see me naked or really even to get intimate crossed with alot of other reasons!
I desperately want to stop and would do anything - enough damage is already done - but it still doesn't stop me!
Hope this has helped keep on posting thoughts
take care xxx
Wow, what a story. I also have a perfectionism thing that I am working on, trying to remind myself that things really don’t have to be perfect. I write a lot of lists as well, writing and re-writing, and in past jobs have had trouble with getting bogged down in the organization of a project and not getting the project done! My bad picking days would be 4 hours at it, totally spaced out and hardly breathing, like in a trance. I can relate to the running your hand over your skin thing, feeling for anything that needed to be removed. I am still working on the why of it - do I do it to relax myself or to keep myself awake and aware? I don’t know. I do know it occurs automatically when I’m talking to my mother on the phone. She seems to be a trigger. Yes, I don’t want my husband to see me naked either, not good for the sex life I must say. I am thankful for your reply and the knowledge that there are real people out there who suffer this silly affliction. On the positive side, two days ago I purchased a number of fidgety toys and placed them in the areas of the house where I usually pick, and as soon as I pick absent-mindedly, I grab one, and it seems to be working. It is very hard work, though, not to put down the fidget and go for the real thing.
Hello!.. Im just wondering birdygirl, I have Trich since I can rmmber, to me it started with skin picking, then trich, how is ur situation with trich now?.. did skin picking took over? .. i dunno how to explain myself, i hope u can understand me.
Trich is driving me crazy, oh wait.. i am already.
Skin picking started at the same time I was twisting and pulling out my hair. Somehow the hair pulling didn’t seem to last a long time, maybe a year or two?, then the skin picking did take over. My situation now is that I pick at breakfast, while on the computer, and while watching TV in the evening. I did have some sessions with a habit-reversal counsellor earlier in the year, and before I had to quit it, we established that much. This is the first step, apparently, to keep a log of when you do it over several days, so you become aware of your patterns. It drives me crazy too, as it has a mind of its own and seems impossible to stop. I hope I am replying to posts properly - I keep seeing my original one pop up. Somebody please tell me if I am doing something incorrectly.
NO you are doing a perfect job, its so nice to hear that someone shares this awful awful obssession with picking as again i have been living in dream world thinking i was a weirdo and the only person that did this awful damage to myself. And Im so not - im not stupid or naive its just not really something that you share or talk about generally and you dont hear about it - i came across the whole details of the disorder on the anxietyuk.org.uk and was amazed. Especially after approaching my ordinary gp after alot of courage it took me to show myself to him and try to explain it and ask if there was something to help - his answer was you are the only one that can stop doing it - so just dont do it!!! well embarassed, angry and demoted i replied "dont you think if i could i would not do it? u know me and my insecurities and probs with self image from after 4th child and now my under active thyroid (no metabolism) and huge weight vgain that the last thing i need to do is put another issue into the equation" he just repeated just stop doing it roxy. I was so amazed and disheartend and presumed again there was something severely wrong with me that no one could help!!!
Well done with the fidgety thing and your progress in reducing the time picking and methods your applying. I dont have that control right now wish I did - hopefully very soon when therapy starts in a few weeks I can start to try and take a hold of it and the rest of me!!!
Keep writing & keep playing with fidgety things!! sounds a bit ominus lol!!! xxx
I also forgot to say I didnt know what you ment at first when there was talk of TRICH but very very weirdly it was on tv this morning which was a little freaky! Anyway know that I know what it is im starting to build a bigger picture. Ive only had dianosis of BPD in last 3years (possibility of bi-polar at one time) and previously cyclothomia, severe depression then goes back to my teenage years. Before that I used to also twiddle my hair around and around my fingers constantly, avoid any eye contact, pick any scabs after falling over and attacked any acne. But what has really made me start questioning how long I really have had BPD - is that from a baby till probably 4-5 I used to pull all my hair out in clumps - my mum used to find them all over the house and couldnt stop me doing it apparently, i didnt give a reason why and used to walk around with just little whispy bits of hair randomly sticking out of my head - I have never associated that before to anything or even questioned it I just thought it was a toddler thing as they do go through funny phases - WHAT DO U THINK HONESTLY? xxx
Hey roxy!
It is quite commun among BPD to have an OCD related issues, I myself, have been BPD dignost, which was really weird cause I was going to my Therapist to treat my Eating Disorder, I never imagined I was gonna end up with a Personality Disorder Dignosis!, so I never really care too much or did any research, my obession over food was bigger than anything else, I had this fixacion on my ED, I wouldnt accept the fact of me having a personality problem, I thought I knew me SO well, after all I had been trying to figure me out since my early teens… when my trich really start to get ugly.
Ive read Trich comes strong in kids, but it eventually disapear as people get older, of course it implies a disorder in the way thoughts and compulsion works, it might get fixed within time, or just transform, into skin picking or thoughts, rammbling obsessions. I’ve met people that have no idea whats going on… not til they are told they have a problem. Best treatment is with a Psycatrist, they give you meds to balance chemicals in the brain that arent working 100%, since this is biological, apprntly. It can also be caused by trauma.
Hi Roxy, I did not know that hair pulling could start so early in life, but then I don't know a lot about it. I also never had children, so I don't know what is accepted as "normal" behaviour and what isn't. However, from what I do know about hair pulling it sounds like you had the real thing. Mine was more like twisting little pieces over and over until there were knots in it, then having to pull out those pieces because they had knots. I would sit for hours doing this, making a little pile of knotted hairs beside me on the couch. I was about 20 - 21 then. Your story makes me wonder, as I have often wondered, about the origins of such illnesses - are they inherited, passed down through genes, the result of an imbalance of chemicals in the brain at the time of birth, or behaviour that is learned in the home or that arises because of stressful situations in the home. I don't remember much of anything from my early years, until about the age of 10. Is that normal?
Hiya birdygirl,
I also do not know alot about TRICH only from what Ive read the last few weeks. I also dont remember alot of my early childhood except a few bad vivid memories I can count on one hand from 6-9 ish and yes I remember things from about 10 years old. My hair pulling was obviously told to me from my mum dad and nana. I remember hair twiddling I didnt pull it out but did it for as long as I could remember not nowadays though. I think it is quite normal not to remember much before 10 ish others say from 6 onwards kids remember but I think thats more of specific big things that stand out to be honest. Yes we all take everything from that age but the memory of how I felt etc is not there. I think there must be some link in my case with inherited genes and inbalance of chemicals from a baby and definately again behaviours learned from immediate family as they all have issues as I wrote above to tannia a mixture of - abusive childhoods, OCD, depression, anorexia, alcoholism, abusive (domestic violent realtionships when adults) and are still issues now in my mum, dad, aunty, nana.
Didn't have a chance really did I? lol! we have to sometimes laugh asw it seems all a bit ott but its real and its not till you start piecing the parts together that a real picture starts to appear its a bit freaky really. I accept it all now and have spent the last few years since turned 30 nearly 4 years ago - looking at my life and the paths I took and the events that have happened and the reasons why I choose things and noticing a pattern I continued to take and looking at it all for what it really is and not what I was thinking at the time. Im much more aware of myself and how I tick and not scared to admit I do actually suffer with mental health illness - badly at the mo but I think im in the right place in that sense to now look at ways to cope and turning things into positive so basically learn the tools.
Im still trying to get to grips with the hair pulling bit though at such a young age thats thrown me a little - as to really questioning how long I have actually had this and applying many more thoughts and actions to it throughout my life - it all kinda fits somehow - but why then was i left undiagnosed for so long and for it to get so bad to end up the way i am now. How come someone did not intervene before or help me? maybe I never explained or asked for help as I was so independant and thought capable and grew up far too young before my age as no one was really around much otherwise?? so many question and along road ahead?
Thanks for your support and sharing your thoughts keep posting xx
Hi,
It's interesting to read about everyone's responses. I have anxiety disorder, ocd and depression. Some days it completely takes over my life. I have these obsessions that something happened to me and I just don't know about them. Like I was driving in my car and if there is a little details I cannot remember, it will feel as if something happened. I have a complete obsession with AIDS and have gone for numerous tests. Previously when I tried to talk to a friend about it, she told me to stop sleeping around.... I was like that's the whole point, I don't and I still obsess about it! Does anyone else have this? My mind is truly driving me nuts!!! I just want to try and relax and just enjoy my life, but my thoughts seems to completely take over!