I have bipolar 2 and have been going through an extended period of depression, for at least two years with some higher and some lower days but none normal. It seems that i can't get out of this feeling and instead of still fighting my heart and head seem to have gone dead to the point where i no longer care whether i am alive or dead. I have no plan to kill myself right now but i went through a period in the summer in which i seriously considered it to the point of making a plan and setting a date. At the last minute i spoke to my mother and through an emotional conversation i promised her i wouldn't kill myself but it hasn't had any effect on this deadness in my soul. Does anyone else feel this way, too depressed to care whether they live or die and unable to work against the depression that has held me down for so long? Any helpful advice would really be appreciated a lot.
Hi Jon65, I am sorry for what you are going through, but I know that you can and will make it through this and come out so much stronger and better on the other end of it. I had a very dark period of time where I was so deeply depressed that I never thought that I would come out of it. It was only when I turned to spirituality and making significant changes in my life, that my energy turned around. I felt that it was miraculous, because as deeply as I was depressed, I never saw coming out of that state.
Do you have hopes and dreams for your life? What is the one thing that you can do today to work towards them? As well, do one thing for yourself today to put a smile on your face? Let me know how you are doing, you are not alone, we are here for you.
Dear Jon65,
Can you please tell me about the healing from spirituality? I have always been born again, but due to things coming out of control, I have scheduled a Reiki appt. Can you please let me know how you have been helped? Christians have told me that spirituality is occult. But I really need help.
Hi Jon i have bipolar as well and i have been through the deep depression. There are days that i dont have the strength or will to even get out of bed. I feel as though the life has been sucked out of me and that ill never make it back from the depression. I still havent found a way to pull myself out of the depression i try to think of positive things and try to motivate myself during those times but still havent found anything that works. Ive had suicidal thoughts many times and have made plans as well but the only reason why i didnt follow through is because of i do not want to do that to my 17 yr old son. He is the only reason why im still here.
Jon, I also suffer from BiPolar Disorder and understand what you are talking about, there were times in my life that I just didn't want to live any more. Actually up until a year ago my plan was when my last son graduated I would finally be able to kill myself because at that point no one would need me anymore. However, a year ago I got very sick and almost died, I realized after I got better just how much people care and need me. Does that mean I will never have another suicidal though, I am sure I will, I have actually, but I just look back at that moment my kids came to see me in the hospital, all young men, and realized they always will need me. Now to that numb feeling. I have to say you just have to work through it, some days will always be better then others. Are you on meds? If not find a Doctor the meds do work they make it easier. If you are seeing a Doctor then tell the doctor how depressed you are getting maybe they need to change something so it isn't so bad. I hope things start to feel better soon for you.
You may be comforted in the fact that I am experiencing similar emotions. I too have Bipolar 2 and I am currently struggling to no positive avail. I know what it's like to have considered suicide and have been through 2 attempts, myself. Your body may heal, but I agree that a 'dead soul' is quite an unbearable burden to carry around with you day to day. The best advice I can give to you is see a doctor, have an inspirational friend over, and remember that tomorrow is a new day. As cliche as that sounds, sometimes you wake up and everything seems brighter. Also, try and force yourself to do something you wouldn't normally do. (Something positive) such as laugh at a dumb joke, cook something strange..something that's out of your comfort zone to try and jolt yourself out of the cycle.
these posts have given me a clear insight that it is strongly possible that i have bipolar disorder.. ive recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and have been doubting it ever since.. jon, i am 21 with all the skills and smarts i need but absolutely no motivation and serious depression. it is so true that the emptiness can hold u back. ive been trying to figure out how to go about avoiding that feeling because im so f*&%ing sick of it. and i found that if i do something where im not thinking about anything except for what my hands are on, the day passes by a little faster, my mood isnt so sour that my friends and family arent so repulsed by me. for me, i picked to start learning guitar. its helped me come out of depression because i get a serious boost of self confidence when i learn a new song. hope this helped
To be honest my tears started around post number 3. I feel the tears are a good sign for me because I can relate to all of you. I wouldn't be honest though in saying I've tried to kill myself, I thought of it but never got around to the action and don't feel I ever will. I want to get help - I want to feel better. It was so hard for me to PUSH myself in finding this website - but I'm glad I did. I'm glad all you folks posted what you feel - I don't feel alone anymore! I'm turning 30 a week from today and I look at my life and am ashamed. I never would have thought I would be in the worst time of my life now . . . but I'm done with it! I'm going to drive down to that **** Psy office today - pick up that application for financial assistance since I am broke because bi-polar has kept me from keeping a job . . . and get help. Bless you all and thank you so much for helping! I did apply for disability in which a lawyer is helping me - if anyone is on disability because it got you down as bad as I am - please lend me a helping tip. See . . . I nevermind just have bi-polar and severe depression . . . I was sexually abused when I was younger and my mother is absolutly insane . . it's all come crashing down on me so I know I need a lot of therapy groups, meds etc . . . I HAVE ACCEPTED I need help - serious help - but what I haven't accepted and won't - is that I am 'not' wanted in this world . . . I hope all of you can find that peace to!
I do love you all because you helped me when I didn't even ask for it!
Hi everyone,
Thanks for your comments and good thoughts for me, now let me see if i can answer your questions. I am seeing a doctor and have been for about seven and a half years now with meds being a big part of the treatment. My doc has no problem chaging up drugs if one doesn't seem to work so that's not a problem it's just that i've been on so many that failed that i am gun shy to keep trying them all, it's now up to around seventy and i only get partial relief from perhaps twenty percent of them for a short time. I too took up guitar, to be fair i had been playing a bit on my acoustic but i bought an electic and set out to learn but quickly burned out the thoughts of that, i just cannot keep my mind on anything for any length of time and even the things i loved to do, like writing novels, has escaped into the nether world. Now, i might write one poem every six months where before i would try to put in at least two hours behind the keyboard every day if i was working on a book. For beachgal, i know what you mean, i'm in my mid forties and my life is just a huge mess, even i can't believe it. About Christianity, or religion or spirituality or whatever you want to call it, i'm not a big believer. In my view we were a very very lucky mix of amino acids that came together in just the right mix and after millions of years we've changed and grown and evolved until we finally grew larger brains, just large enough to give us the gift of knowing we will die in the end, no one gets out alive right?
I'll tell you all, i could use a manic phase in a big way. I like the advice to try something new each day. If i can i'll try to use that to what extent is possible and see what happens, thanks.
Once again i can't thank all of you enough for writing to me, please continue if you've got more advice of any kind, even spiritual if you'll tell me what to do not just tell me that you use it, and i don't mean any disrespect to anyones religions, i accept and just wish to be accepted, if you know what i mean.
Anyway, i hope to hear from you soon, this depression shows no sign of letting up and it's been this way, with the occasional hypo manic state now and then for years now. It seems i can't pull this out of the fire.
jon65
I can really relate to you. When I am in a depressive phase nothing in this world matters. I have a hard time even being interested in my kids. I just ride it out and go see my doc. IT sounds like you need better mood stabeling drugs. Tell your doc you need a mood stabilizer but keep in mind they can take up to 8 weeks to work!
Hope this helps!
Hi this tread of discussion is so strong with hope. I can relate to most things talked about here my depression has been severe for about four years but slowly but surely i am coming out of it.
things that have helped: DBT skills training has been a life saver. You can find more information about it at www.dbtselfhelp.com I have learned how to step away from the depression if for only 20 minutes a day and slowly but surely while learning other things I have found some joy in every day,
I make a gratitude statement every morning when I waken. This has eliminated my old statement which was I wonder how I can kill myself today big difference
I hope you can try the gratitude statement just by doing that and saying thank you in the morning may change your thinking. good luck and keep talking to us
medication should help. paxil works well for me.
From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder