Just need some advise

I just joined this group because I need to correspond with people who can relate.
I've been married for 11 years and we have a 5 year old. My wife is away on business about three weeks out of the month. I work full time and raise our son. I also do all the cooking and cleaning even when she is home. Often she yells at me because I don't make enough money, but I work four ten hour days so I can be there for my son. I've suspected my wife was cheating for the past two years and about a month and a half ago I found evidence to prove it and confronted her. Sunce then she claims to have broken it off and I have found no evidence to prove otherwise. On top of that for the past two years her drinking has gotten out of control. In the past my wife has struck me. On one occasion she struck me about five times while I was holding our son. At the time all I could think to do was cover my son with my arms and take the punches. Another time I was geting her some water while she was drunk and she was yelling at me to bring our son into the room so she can see him, when I refused she punched me in the back of the head. Her abuse comes only when she's drunk. She has been going to AA for the past three weeks and has drank a couple times since then. She is also Bipolar. She was diagnosed years ago. I have times when the distrust overwhelms me. Also, I'm not sure how to act when she slips up and has a drink. Should I get mad, supportive, dissapointed? I know quitting drinking is going to be tough and I want to help her the best I can. Anyone have some advise?

Welcome to supportgroups & yes I lived in that environment, it took me another 2yrs. to learn to not let the person or anyone else ever treat me this way. I'm married 19yrs to a bipolar/schzoid & grocery list more of disorders w/alcohol dependancy & started working through it in '03 w/them, therapists (4), reading, researching, trying to assist/guide/help/love in something I'd never should of, am not saying thats you situation, but it IS mine & I learned alot about myself along the way, enabling, co-depent etc & had to work w/myself to stop thoses behaviors & not focus on THEM. They are still having alot to drama w/alcohol abuse that they bring into their own life & don't see it, so please keep talking it out so others can read & offer suggestions & I hope that your situation does improve w/therapy, counseling, AA.... & your NOT alone.

Take care of you.

April

It is really difficult when a loved one cheats especially when there is children involved. My husband had an affair and we have 3 kids. You priority should be to protect your son. God forbid if anything should ever happen to him. Is she on any type of meds for her bipolar disease? If not, she really needs to get some help for that. The disease is nothing to take too lightly. It is hard to find the right answer on what to do. I have been struggling with that myself as I am still w/my husband. Trusting again and being able to forgive is not an easy thing to do. She may have said she ended it, but there will always be that doubt in the back of your mind. I am not trying to get you down, just trying to help you realize some feelings that u may be having.

as a recovering alcoholic -- 8 months-- i'm realizing how horrible i was to my husband and children, when i got out of treatment my husband told me our marriage was over and that he had a girlfriend of 7 years. i have been drinking on and off for 20. i didn't fall apart, it made me stronger than i have ever realized. he said seeing me change my life had confused him and was over every day calling me, i asked if he was happy and he said no, i said is she happy he said yes. i never yelled at him, never begged him to come back, within a month he wanted to try again, it's been 6 months, he feels happy and content but guilty, but so do i. every day were together, treating each other with respect. i try not to bring up his past and he does the same for me. we hug, we cry, we laugh, we kiss, we realize how precious we are together. we both said God has given us a second chance, let's not blow it. if you love your wife stick by her but don't let her abuse you or your child. my husband almost came to a point of telling me to leave but knew i had no where to go thank God he didn't do that. you need to emotionally disconnect from your wife for now. take care of yourself and son. remember her drinking is not your fault. i pray for you and your family. i hope your wife wakes up one day and decides to really get help. miracles happen, my family is becoming whole again and life is good today.

What a wonderful happening lolo, hope people read that one. Take care

April