Just saying hi

hi

im a 25 year old bloke whos suffers from bipolar disorder...at the moment im pretty depressed and have been for a couple of months.i genuinely tried to top myself a month ago but pussyed out coz of the pain,

im not really sure what im supposed to write in this so ill just give a brief summary of, well, me and see if anyone can relate,

ive never been good at opening up to people when it comes to my thoughts and emotions and am a bit paranoid about posting stuff online but **** it,

for as long as i remember my life as been one big emotional rollercoaster ,at the moment im getting treated by student pyscologists and pyschiatrists and honestly i know more about my disorders then they do.but i cant really complain coz they are giving me meds for free in return for letting them help me

with me being manic starts off great(almost intoxicating) and there is a short window where im quite productive funny and creative(at the moment id give anything to be in that state) etc but it will then develop into an unbearable restlessness that has me extremly irritable to the point of rage where i stay up for days on end needing only 4-5 hours sleep every so often where i jump from one bull**** whim to the next....doing basically the same stuff as other bipolars do getting myself into trouble whether it be money drugs sex or even funnily enough trying to solve the unification theory

on one occastion i almost entered myself into a contractual obligation to take out a 60,000 euro lease on a pub in spain(i had been given a load of money in compensation or a car accident so i had the money for it) and i havnt a word of spanish but was convinced i could learn it within a few days,but thankfully at the time i didnt have a fax machine or printer so i couldnt send them my signature on the form...

im at the end of my tether though, and am tired of all the anxiety, intrusive thoughts the self loathing and the rest of the **** that comes with being depressed,i just want this suffocating feeling to be over

anyway apologies for the length of the post, and hopefully i didnt bore the *** off you lol...anyone interested in chatting or something hit me up..

take her handy

dell

Hi Dell. Thanks for sharing. I know it is not easy to open up like this. How long ago were you diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder? What do you think has caused your current depression?

alright abner,whats the craic mate,thanks for posting!!

its actually been just a year since i was diagnosed im 25,when i came back from brasil the head psychiatrist kind of copped it,

i had been diagnosed with ocd anxiety etc..the year before,and the ssri's they put me on made me manic, so i booked a 1 way ticket to brasil by myself and stayed there for nearly a year before i came home....the student pyscologist that was treating me at the time thought he had cured me because i was so riddled with anxiety and depression and then all of a sudden i could be confident enough to jet off backpacking to brasil by myself,

but the recent depression i think was a combination of 2 things,i kind of fell off the wagon back in april and hank(my pyscotic drug adicted alter ego) pretty much took over for the whole summer(still managed to cope with a 5 day a week job)so i was going to crash at some stage it was just a matter of when,

but the when occurred when i asked a girl i really liked out on a date and got rejected,

i had liked her for ages and finally did it at a party, but she made up some bullshit excuse about not looking for anything right now blah blah blah

anyway i continued doing what i was doing for about 8-9 weeks after getting rejected becoming more and more depressed each day and i contemplated suicide for about 2 weeks before i tried to cut my wrists,i didnt do a particuarly good job and pussyed out because of the pain but it was at that stage that i was just fed up and the ocd and anxiety were really bad so i decided to get back into treatment

after a really awkward phonecall and hour long meeting basically apologising to both the head psychiatrist and the one that had been treating me they agreed to let me back into therapy...

hows tricks with you? how long have you been diagnosed? do you still get ups and downs or are you stable? (sorry i hate using the word stable lol but couldnt think of a better way to put it)

laters

dell

Hi Dell,

I was reading your post today, not sure if we have spoken yet but I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar and I am having a great deal of trouble coming to terms with what this entirely means. Currently not taking any medications at this stage. I get really nervous all the time and unable to eat during this period as I feel so stressed. I am really struggling at the moment can't quite work out whats going on or how to handle my feelings.

I just feel like I'm stuck in this dark whole and there is no where to go, no one ever turns the light on for me and if they do it is only for a short period of time. I get so angry and upset and I can't even handle that in the right way when it comes to expressing myself.

I'm really holding out for my appointment with the Psychiatrist I just want to start enjoying my life if not a lot more at least a little bit more than I have been. :(

Take care of yourself, hope things get a little easier for you today.

Talk soon

hey jai1987

it does take a while to get to grips with the thought of having bipolar disorder,i even still struggle sometimes with the thought that i have it…but at least know that there are people who want to help or like the people on this site who want to help and understand what your going through,and im sure you have people in your life who can help you with what your going through as well

but you should know that the hard part is over,getting yourself into treatment is the first step but its the biggest one,im sure the meds will help as will the therapy,

so just hang in there and keep fighting! things as they always do,have a way of working themselves out for the best…

best wishes

dell

From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder