So my husband is on this kick to read as much as possible on ED. He is always with a book or on line - it is a little daunting to me. Anyway he read a few quotes to me the other day and I thought I would share them with you.
the first is one that an ED sufferer said to her therapist - "I lost more weight but still feel like crap" This is so true. It seems as though we all think that things will magically be better if we just lose that XX amount of weight - and yet, honestly I never feel any better about any of the issues that plaque me when that happens. We usually feel worse because we haven't addressed the issues that are really bothering us and on top we have lost more weight and the ability to function well enough to deal with any of those issues
the second quote was "It's not about the food but it is not not about the food" . So what is it????? ED is so horrible because we tamper with the very essence that keeps us alive - Food -. I ate dinner last night with the kids - they wanted pizza. I felt horrible for eating 2 slices of pizza. Yet at the same time I ate very little during the day and needed the pizza to give me energy to finish my work for the day. So why do I hate myself for eating what I did?
Just something I put out there for you all to think about.I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!! I am taking my 3 year old to her first dance class tomorrow morning - I can't wait.
Hugs and positive wishes to all of you
Shana
Thanks for the food for thought, and congrats on getting through the pizza and pushing through the guilt. :-)
Dear Shana,
Thank you for your thoughts. They were very challenging indeed and if its ok i will try and comment on it from my own perspective and feelings.
I believe that there is not many "able" people in here that at one point or another has not yet came to the realization that yes, it is not about food. Our bodies, weight and food are the way we handle all other things in our live. Weight lost or gained is our way to make us hate ourselves. "not enough lost or too much gained..."
The bottom line is that we have created a sub world or a fantasy land [eating disorder] to unable us to fall into in order not to deal with real life. Our unhappy feelings are created in our minds to avoid the unknown of facing everyday's challenges.
An alternative would be for us to try and accept our worries as part of ourselves. Defy them. Scary feelings are just that, feelings. They do not make a hole in our head. They do not make us fat or skinny. They do not make our life a waste. Embracing these feelings we eventually could overcome them. Feelings of despair and unhappiness are usually based on what is supposed to be happening in our lives but in our own perspective aren't . Is that perspective real or did we made it up? What would happen if we in fact were and felt these things we think we feel and are? Would we fall into the end of despair?
We should learn to recognize this despair as a story we are telling ourselves.
We can control weight. We can control what we eat. We defuse ourselves and ignore our lives in order to drug our bodies into this controllable despair. But allowing our real lives in, using it to get to know ourselves better and to allow us to separate the fantasies from the truth, this we can not grunt for one reason or another.
We can not assume that we will be better when something else will happen. We must try and be better now. No "ifs" allowed here.
We must embrace what is happening to us now. How we breath; How we take in the sounds of the day; How we feel when someone speak to us; how we laugh at some circumstances; How we interrelate with our pears; How and why we do what we do everyday. Right now we are still us; not a fantasy, a dream or a concept we have created in our minds.
Goals are fine but life is not about them and its not about trying to get to that "if day" that never comes [that day is a fantasy created by us, we can not achieve what is not there].
If we use "food" to deal with life's emotions then food becomes a problem we can not ignore. It overtakes us and our World shrinks into it. Other parts of our life will shadow by this "creation", we end up dying before we lived.
I encourage us to explore our senses and start living before we die :)
PS:
I am somehow jealous of your Husband. It seams as he puts a lot of his time to understand where you are now. I would encourage you to use his support in your ordeals. My husband never wanted to associate himself and my worries.
Take care and live!