i am 19 and i have Borderline Personality Disorder along with manic depression, anxiety and mood swings. I have only been in therapy a few weeks and so far i myself have felt better but then ill have an episode and my family just doesnt understand. I try to explain to them and all they keep saying is "stop trying to make yourself look like a victim" what they dont understand is that i am explaining to them how i really honestly feel. i dont know what to do and i just wish i had someone to talk to who also has BPD who knows what i am going through.
Im 32 and suffered with undiagnosed bpd for over 15 years. That's good you've got a diagnosis and therapy. I know the hell you're going through and it can get better I promise. If you need someone to talk to send me an email. Love to you
Hello.....I am a parent of a 14 year old with BPD......She has the same feelings you do because I get so aggravated with not being able to help her that I also have said many times stop being so dramatic and try and toughin up.......The problems is that your family doesn't know how it feels to have BPD therefore they get frustrated. I am really glad I joined this group to help me see there are others that are going through what my daughter does. I am hoping you all can teach me how to better help understand the disorder along with trying to understand what my daughter is going through.
Thank you so much for your response. When I have an “episode” the biggest thing that makes it worse is when my mom walks away. I remember i was in a room screaming and crying hoping she would come up and talk to me and she yelled up the stairs “sarah keep it down” it just made me cry harder. The best thing to do is to relax, if you get upset it makes us feel that we are doing something wrong that is making you upset. talk to her and listen to her and be encouraging. always end with a big hug! that always helps! give my love to your daughter!
Oh my goodness this is exactly what she goes through too. I just want you to know I appreciate any advise you can give me. Part of the problem is the mood swings with her that it makes us upset because she will be fine one minute and totally pissy or depressed the next. Then I get upset and yell at her. I am definitely going to take your advise and stay with her ,talk it out, tell her I love her,and end with a hug :) She has had this for a long time but just recently got diagnosed. I am so glad I found this site you have already helped me tremendously....THANK YOU!
i have also had this for a while but always thought it was just moodiness or like a separation anxiety. i am very glad i can help (: mood swings are a big issue with me. If i go to a doctors appointment and i call my mom after to tell her how it goes and she doesnt answer, i become upset. if she calls back i have a massive attitude and i dont tell her how it went. its just silent and that usually leads to her yelling and me feeling like she doesnt love me. it is a vicious cycle that repeats itself over and over again.
You two have a great convo going and I don't want to seem like I'm intruding. xsarabearx1 you give excellent advice. I just want to through my 2 cents in.
@shellderheat-a big part of BPD is feeling invalidated. When your daughter is being pissy or depressed repeat what she says back to you in a way that is nonconfrontational like "so you're saying that...." Then back it up with something like "that must be hard for you" Don't be insincere or reward negative behavior, just validate what she is going through. Validation is a huge help for borderlines. It also is a good skill for communication in general.
Good for both of you for trying to understand this illness. It is extremely tough to deal with either as a sufferer or someone that loves them. There is hope though. Never give up. <3
hi if u want a chat i here x
Thank you very much for the advise @ShineOnBPD.....This is so much help hearing from ones who suffer from it and give me an insite on what my daughter is feeling. Can anyone give some advise on the impulse behavior that goes on with BPD. My daughter will get off groundment and 10 minutes later end up grounded again for not abiding by the rules. I feel like we are in a catch 22 with this because she is doing things that I feel can get her into some trouble (the impulse behavior) so I then don't feel comfortable letting her go run around with friends like teenagers do. But then when she is grounded or I am trying to keep her in my sites for her safety she gets majorly depressed and then says she wants to commit suicide.
I really am so scared that I am not doing the right things with her because I don't understand what it is like to have BPD. I think it always helps hearing from others.
impulse control is something I have a big issue with. I have issues with spending money, taking pills and binge eating. With money ill have 500 dollars in my account and go to the mall with my friend and by the end of the day ill be 12 dollars over and have no gas in my car bc i drove, pills i use bc i have major insomnia and it has become an output i.e. if something is upsetting me and i cant stop it, take a valium or xanex and itll go away, binge eating is bc i have very poor self esteem and bc of my major depressive disorder medication sometimes i will not eat for days and then i will eat all day for like a week straight and it makes me feel so fat that i just try antyhing to get rid of it. It is something that we do not necessarliy know we are doing at the time we are doing it but afterwards we are like “oh crap what have i done?” we dont think about the results of our actions. patience is the key and so just talk to her. if she says “im going to the mall” make sure you say “you can only spend this much” or “you can go but you cant buy anything” something like that that will make her think about it before she does it.
Well I'm impressed by your dedication to both understand and help. Your daughter is lucky to have you on her side so she can get the impulsive behavior under control when she is young. I got into a lot of trouble.
Is she able to get into Dialectical Behavior Therapy groups at all? If not there are workbooks that helped me with my behavior.
Well she had spent several weeks in the hospital for the suicidal threats and then the psychiatrist sent her to Boys and Girls Town for about a month to try and help her with her impulsive behavior. After that they have her see her psychiatrist and her therapist twice a month. She is getting individual counseling. What exactly is Dialectical Behavior Therapy? I am going to ask her therapist if they can get her into it. @ xsarabearx1 Do you also have the impulse issue with your BPD? I would like to hear if you do what exactly you feel at the moment you know you are making the wrong choices....or do you know that you are? See that is what is frustrating because I feel so clueless about my own child and what she is feeling or thinking. I have already taken some of the advise I have been given and I just hope that it helps her see that I love her and would never abandon her. Also even though I don't know very much about how it feels to have BPD if anyone needs some input from the perspective of the person with a loved one with BPD I would be more than happy to help if I can......Thanks to all of you for helping me understand BPD and letting me view my fears about BPD.
if she is making any kind of comment about suicide she probably should see a therapist who specializes in BPD and start Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. Usually a family wth a member who has BPD that is not in therapy is very uncontralable and unstable. A book my therapist has me working through is the Dialectical Behavior Skills Workbook. http://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131 It has a lot of great techniques to learn like control, distraction, relaxing. its an awesome book to work on.
She sees a psychiatrist and therapist twice a month. I am going to ask about the Dialectic-Behavior-Therapy on her next visit to the therapist. Several have said that is the way to go so I want to make sure the psychiatric/ therapist and I are all on the same page. I just want her to live a long happy and healthy life. How are you doing xsarabearx1? I hope you are having a good week. I also hope you know how grateful I am to have you helping me with my daughter :) I am sending you much love and big hugs your way....you are truly a blessing to me :)
thank you very much! (: my week has def been one of my bad ones but its ok because i will get through it (: im so glad i can help you and your daughter. it is an aweful thing to have BPD and its been labeled a phyciatrist/therapist most terrifying disorder bc so little is known about it and BP’s are emotional. There is no reason why she cant live a long and happy life. BP is not a chemical imbalance in your brain, it is who you are therefore it is not something you can grow out of. instead, you learn how to deal with it. ive read about people that takes 5-10 years to complete the DB therapy. but they have all said it is worth it. Make sure your daughter knows she is not alone and if she ever feels like she needs to talk just shoot me an email and i will be more than happy to talk to her. good luck to you both and God Bless!
I think I am fragmenting :////
This is how clueless I am about all of this but what is fragmenting ? Is there anything I can do do to help you?
Fragmenting is what happens when your personality starts to shatter and seperate into different ones. I was told by my therapist that its not the same as a person with multiple personality because when someone who has BPD fragments they are fully aware of what they are saying and what they are doing they just cant control it.
i pretty much cried when i read your post. I'm 21 with BPD and I was only diagnosed last year since my parents thought "it was all in my head" that I am behaving this way. Everything you said was so spot on. And now I understand what's going on, especially when you explained Fragmenting. My bf could never understand why I would say the mean words that I do. I always say that I can't control it. It just happens even though I have that feeling inside that I shouldn't say it. He too says that line "stop making yourself look like the victim". It hurts to hear it because you know you aren't trying to do that.
I'm about to go into a 12-week program for DBT. Though that won't happen til maybe another month since it takes a while for the forms to go through.
I want to ask, how do you deal with your episodes? Your therapy looks like it's been helping you so I just wanted to ask. For me I'm just a rage-fit nutcase and I cry nonstop, grab a knife for comfort, hit myself, etc. and of course the trigger will be over something small.
I'd love to chat with you more. I really connected with you when I read what you wrote. I don't feel so alone anymore. Thank you for posting all that
I understand completely. There was a time before I was diagnosed where I was literally crying everyday saying to my mom "What is wrong with me? Something is wrong! Normal people arent like this!" Which is what made me go back to therapy and in turn get a psych evaluation to get a diagnosis of BPD and massive depressive disorder. Many times my mom has told me to stop acting like the victim or to stop trying to make her feel guilty and it makes me so frustrated because thats not what i am doing. i am actually telling her how i feel and she is bashing it. you arent alone <3