When I go into an episode there usually is no stopping it until my mom sits down and says "Sarah I love you. Can I give you a hug?" or something along that line and there has been plenty of times where I have just gotten in my car and drove off bc I wanted to see if she would call and see if I was ok and nothing happens making it worse. Long before i got the diagnosis of BPD i told my therapist that I hated that i was so emotional and that sometimes when I got angry it would feel like another person takes over my body because I knew what i was doing but I couldnt stop it. I couldnt stop what I did or what I said. And that was terrifying because I have made my mom cry so many times from what I have said and that makes it even worse because then you feel awful for doing that. My ex gf actually broke up with me because I was too emotional. after a year of being together and it was so out of the blue. That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to got through because to me she didnt care about me at all, she never did, it was all a lie and the whole black and white thing happened because originally i couldnt stop talking about her and now i absolutely despise her. you arent alone in all this. I promise you that. Do you have a facebook?
i was put on a new medication. So now I am taking hydroxyzine, citalopram and olanzapine.
Aww, I can so feel the despair and pain. I suffered years unnecessarily with it. I haven't been able to get into DBT, there isn't a therapist around here that does it, but the workbooks on DBT have been INVALUABLE. SERIOUSLY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BUY THE WORKBOOK called "Out of Control" by Dr. Melanie Sheets or "The Dialectical Behavior Workbook"
I started a youtube channel in case any of you want some pointers. Some of it might be controversial to you, but in any case DBT WORKS.
Here is a list on amazon I recommend for self-help for borderlines.
Love to you all. There is a light at the end of the darkness. It's just finding the way through. You can do it, BPD is not a life sentence. It actually is one of the MOST TREATABLE personality disorders. Never give up hope.
I'm gad that you are here to receive support. It will help to be with people like you who understand. Sometimes it's hard for our loved ones to understand how we feel. In a way it's good that you were diagnosed at a younger age. I felt the same...like there was something wrong with me, and alone. I'm not happy to have BPD, but am happy that I was diagnosed.....diagnosis means others like you, and help available. Stick with it....you deserve it!
Good point about being able to heal when you know what's wrong Sensitive Girl. So true! If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I'm 32 and found out when I was 27 on my own.
i am 19 and found out actually through youtube. I happen to see a video about BPD and by the time it was over i was crying bc it was exactly how i felt. I told my therapist and was tested and it came back that i actually had BPD
So things have gotten worse. I am now hearing things :/ There is a voice in my head. a man's voice. Telling me what to do. He's told me to drive my car into a tree, not to speak, and to be rude to my dad. I am wanting to know if this has happened to anyone else....its freaking me out!
I'm 18 and have BPD too. I chose to go without medication because I don't want my life to be controlled by a substance, but sometimes I really consider it.
I share your family issues. I have a dad with manic depression, and a mom who likes to turn a blind eye to everything. I have a lot of problems with voices too, though I'm not sure if they're just my inner dialogue or something more... hallucinated. In my head, all I can think about is how people around me are talking about me and judging me. Sometimes I want to do something reckless, for the attention I guess, but I hardly ever go through with it.
I really need a friend that has BPD like I do, near my age. I've never met anyone else with my disorder, and it's hard for people without it to understand the kind of mental and emotional toll it takes on you. I'm willing to talk with you any time.
if you have a facebook i would love to get in contact with you over there and maybe by text.
Hi this post will be here for you after you complete the AA program.There are organic issues to deal with, is my suggestion,signed Butterscotch
How did my reply get here??????????It belongs to the person using alcohol to numb the feelings,,gesshh.while I am here,feels like my parents home they provided for me.Seems a right of passage is in order for you.Culturaly ,we have nothing in place to accommodate gifted people , such as your self.You see why so few are gifted around you? you have work to do and education to complete and a dream to fulfill.You will it ,to be so.signed Butterscotch Post Script "Rights of passage" will clue you in
I have been reading all your comments and you sound just like me. I am also 19 and have been dignosed with BPD, Anxiety, Manic Depression and PTSD. If you need anyone to talk to your age I would be more than happy to.
Wow, I understand this all too well and glad to see the mom of her borderliner is trying hard as well.
I was diagnosed with bulimarexia at 17. It stays with me but now I tend to binge eat (whatever the freak that means to a bulimarexic) and then I restrict. I don't purge but feel I need to. I quit drinking ver 17 months ago and thought sobriety would alleviate some of my BPD symptoms. Alas, it has not, but I don't want to drink anymore or ever again. I have not cut in years but had a suicidal urge recently. I hope you will put away the pills...soon. It really is NOT a road you want to go down.
It is hard for my mothr to understand but it seems even harder for her to empathize. She has gone off the deep end because she can't see how even things she didn't MEAN to do invalidated me. If I take away one term from all this that desribes my plight best, it is INVALIDATED. THEY can shrug it off. What they don't understand is that we want SO BADLY to be able to do that too! They think we manipulate consciously, that our intentions are malicious, self-absorbed, etc but we are not that way through our OWN design. This or these are coping mechanisms.
Assure her this is no walk in the park for you if you have not already.
What about sexuality, emotion, use of sexuality as currency?
Do you assign blame or are you bringing up things that really chapped your hide and invite a constructive dialogue?
Family and individual therapy? I am merely curious. I am not imploring you to do this...or assuming that you have not tried it.
I know that the daddy/daughter relationship is the MOST important relationship within all cultures. I'll put it to you like this: Marilyn Monroe: what IF she'd had a relationship with her father, a positive one? Do you think she would have been the sexual, vulnerable, deeply complex woman she died? And what of her mother? She was THERE for Marilyn...and STILL look how it turned out.
The mother/daughter relationship and its value to society is highly, grossly underestimated...
BTW, Marilyn and Norma Jean had BPD. As did Princess Di...