Just wanted opinions: Do you think in a relationship that su

Just wanted opinions: Do you think in a relationship that suffered from infidelity, in order to work things out you must see a therapist, marriage counselor, or some form of outside help? Or do you believe it's possible to do it amongst each other? Ask questions, answer questions, be open, show each other that you both want a part of this marriage/relationship. Just a question.

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@jdimples005 Infidelity in a marriage is Big! Faithfullness is the foundation that marriage stands on..... For without trust, what is a relationship? This is very traumatic for the partner or spouse , who was cheated on..... In addition the "wayward one" has issues in the marriage..... Together, you can't weather the storm, else there wouldn't be any Infidelity in the first place..... Yes, at the end of the day, both of you needed therapy , or marriage's counselling or both. Whatever works for both of you'll. There's no if's, maybe's or but's about it.... If you want this marriage/relationship to work, and mended, you can't do it on your own. Best wishes. SG friends are here, to support, and be supported. Be strong the best is yet, to follow.....

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I think think this is a great topic @jdimples005. I've asked myself many times what I am getting out of the sessions. It is, at times, frustrating. After all, it's my wife that made the choice to have an affair yet it's me that has to take time away from work or family to attend counseling. I have pushed those feelings aside for the betterment of out marriage and I'm glad I did. Both individual and marriage counseling has been helpful for my wife and I. However, a good therapist is key. I believe you need to flat out interview them - What is their specialty? The answer can not be "Couples/Marriage Counseling." That is way to general. I want to know what experience they have had dealing with infidelity. What is their process for working through the stages of healing? I want to know all this up front. There should be no mystery as to what part of the process you are going through during your sessions. It is your money and time spent so shop around for therapists that do more than just listen to you talk.

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@Piwo33 so very helpful!!

MY wife and I have decided NOT to use a professional counselor but have spent time counseling with our pastor from our church. I believe that God created us and he can put our marriage back together. We had fallen away from church for several years before this happened. Now, I believe he is using this to draw us closer to him!!! Things are getting much better!!

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@gonnamakeit We also went to our pastor for counseling. My wife wanted to understand the impact of the sin of infidelity from a religious perspective. Our pastor was amazing in our first session. Told us the story of the prodigal son (sorry - no idea what book or chapter this is from). We will meet with him again to let him know how we’re doing. We see him at church almost every Sunday so he obviously knows we are still together and working through this. I agree that asking for help and guidance through prayer has been a big part of our healing process. Still a work in progress but we’re trying.

Here's my take.. I think the RIGHT counselor is a positive thing. Why? Because whoever has the affair isn't in their right mind to some degree and needs a therapist to help sort thoughts and help get back on track.

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The choice is as individual as the couple. But I feel most would benefit from therapy. Helping to sidestep much of the distractions. I agree that the selection of the therapist is key. And moving on quickly if not effective. If one partner doesn't want to go the other Partner should go on their own to the counselor. For the record my husband and I are
Working on fixing our marriage without the benefit of counseling. I know, practice what you preach. But I would have loved the benefit of counseling.

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@Teeny bikini yeah, i know my parents went to counseling and they didn’t get anything out of it so they just worked on it together. That was 4 years ago but i know that it still hurts my dad what my mother did to him. maybe they would’ve benefit from counseling. I just don’t want to be my dad in situation, 4 years later and he still doesn’t trust my mother in anything and he is slowly driving himself crazy and making himself sick from lack of sleep.

@skhc yeah, we do the marriage small sessions in the house and they help and they make me feel better about things but i think we need to talk to someone or at least give it a try, just to say we at least tried. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. Hopefully he wouldn’t mind speaking with our pastor about it, I believe that can help.

I think that an unbiased third party to mediate is important. Just to help see each other's pov, when you are not able to do that in some situations. Getting to the real cause of the infidelity is important. I am pro counseling. But I think some couples can work it out w/o counseling. I do not think we could though. I just hope we do, in fact, make it.

talking to someone will help you out with your problems !

Yes! And one that is specialized in it. One that will NOT blame u for the affair . Cheating is the second hardest thing to go thru I'm a relationship it's a traumatic event . No one ever teaches u how to work on the situation. A counselor doesn't only advise u but also coached him thru the situation and teaches u how to set up boundaries in the relationship to prevent it from happening in the future ... Plus u have a professional giving u advise on what they see "red flags" to be

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Professionals will always make it easier. Sure it can be done without one, but the experience they have is invaluable.

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