Just wondering if anyone else is dealing with similar issues

Just wondering if anyone else is dealing with similar issues. Heres my story!

Im 22 years old. I grew up with a drug addicted mother and no dad (he died when I was 1) My grandmother raised me most of my life, due to my mothers issues and being an unfit parent. She died when I was 10 and my grandmother adopted me. I grew up feeling really angry at the world and never having close friends, or really any friends at all period. I remember always being told by my family how terrible my attitude was but I honestly felt no control over it. I just felt so bitter and pissed off all the time, and couldnt even seem to put a nice tone in my voice when my family spoke to me. At 22, honestly, im still like this. But I have no family. My grandmother passed away when i was 14 and my aunt disowned me about a year ago. She too has a bad drug problem. My whole family is a mess really. But anyways, I have no real friends of my own. Just my boyfriend. And our relationship is terrible. Absolutely destructive because of me. Weve been together about a year and a half and I do nothing but accuse him of cheating or being unfaithful in some way. I have been a bad influence, he doesnt go to school anymore, has a bunch of debt and no motivation to fix it anymore. I fight with him in front of other people all the time. I guess im known as the crazy girlfriend at this point. There just seems to be no peace with me. But heres the thing. I feel no control over it. Every time we get into a huge fight, I find myself not knowing why i started it in the first place. Not knowing how to control my bad thoughts even though hes given me no reasons at all to think badly about him. I have accomplished nothing in my life. Bad debt/credit. Bad driving record. No friends. And a boyfriend who hates me but stays, for god knows what reason. If anyone else has lived a similar life, and has figured out how to overcome it, id love to read your stories! I have been telling myself my whole life i would change and here I am at 22, still no changes made. Miserable, with no family, no friends, and no sense of self. I will add, that I do not feel as angry on the inside as shows on the outside, if that makes any sense at all. Inside, I wanna make people happy. I hate seeing injustice and pain in the world and am a huge humanitarian. Although, on the outside, I exhibit something completely different. I only wanna overcome this, and be able to express the person I feel like on the inside,

1 Heart

Hi.. you made me think about this song for you :)