Kicking Depressions Butt

Mental Health Depression & Mood Disorders
1

I am on a mission to kick depression's butt to the curb!! once and for all!!

for how much time have i lost to my depression? too **** much!

I have fought it before and I shall have to continue to fight it.

I will be saying my nightly prayers tonight, praying for everyone whom is lonely, who is depressed, who is struggling in any shape or form.

the willingness to overcome this depression is what is gearing me up now.

No longer will I be a slave to my emotions, I am just flat out tired of it taking me over as it does
I refuse to cooperate with this depression but instead I will continue to kick it's butt to the curb where it belongs

flush it down the toilet , take out the trash, and all my depression goes with it.

For this life is too short, too sweet to lose it to this **** depression.

Let us face it life is no picnic BUT I refuse to let my depression have it's way with me for the rest of whatever

I have given it power over me, today and this evening I am taking back my own power over it.

I refuse to lt it take me over again as it is so good at.

I do realize that during my life span so far I have spent way too much time with it and that is making it a bear to shake off now ,because it just goes into auto drive w/o any effort.

It takes some effort to catch it and say uh hun ? i see you now and I see that You need me to cooperate with you to have your self pity party of gloom , doom and destruction.

NO MORE , I am sick and tired of it!!

that **** depression has been a menace to me for as long as I can remember
NO MORE

I have had quite e **** nuff of it.

I shall forthwith beat this depression becasue it is just no way to live

I shall strive for HARMONY for LOVE for PEACE for FORGIVENESS.

so i have problems, what else is new?
this is not new

each time I receive some "bad" news I make the decision again and again

what to do about this? what can i do about this?

Honestly if I can simply get the control back over my feelings than there is nothing can hurt me. I see more and more clearly how I must be allowing it to happen and at that exact same moment I can instead

transcend, rise, adapt, accept

you know the song from childhood that says

"row row row your boat gently down the stream, merrily m errily merrily, life is but a dream"

it says noting about rowing up stream in a rage against the current now does it?
no it doesn't it said GENTLY DOWN THE STREAM

what is this life anyway?

why all the despair and confusion?

There is so much suffering in the world it is easy to see how this happens.

the worst of it all is that we feel so badly, that it just seems to take over and then we cannot do a **** thing about the actual problems we do face, as a person, individually , collectively or any other way.

feeling that it isn't enough that it will never be enough?
well that is what it feels like
but honestly in all truth it is plenty enough

if we each of us refused to cooperate with the powers that be to disrupt us we can then see through this dark period
we can get through all of the hardships this life brings to us

I am a firm believer in this

I will not give up and I will not give in.

We can make the most of our lives and what we experience
by merely shunning the depression

Well it is now 1am in my parts ...Tomorrow I go for the MRIs and then a week from now I may b getting some results back

I found discrepancies in my paperwork that lead me to believe i may not be eligible for disabiltiy
if this is correct i will have to go back to work , regardless my physical condition for 7-10 years before being able to , because of the way they count these credits.

so be it.
hell i had just swallowed my pride about filing, soon as i got over that, i find that i may not be able to.

**** if i can understand how this stuff works.
if it is the case, SO BE IT. i shall forge ahead, what choice do I have?

Today I had a rough day.... stress irritability and yes the depression and hopelessness.

i must carry on and get on with it.
no time to wallow and do the self pity

i have what i need to do what i must do
and i 'm not gonna stop trying
have to move forward

so tomorrow is a new day i have the day etched out as i like for it to go
i shall say my prayers tonight
and i shall visualize myself having a productive day tomorrow

for me productively is happiness
it is all this **** down time i have had on acct of this chronic pain
i'm OVER IT!

i'm over being at its' mercy and particularly at the mercy of the depression

so i'm continuing on w/ my battle and am learning more and more as i go
i will defeat this **** depression

there is just no room for it.

I set forth now on paper that tomorrow IS going to be a good day
I will have a good and productive day

I will use courage, I will use internal fortitude, I will use strength and I will use patience to get through whatever this life brings to me...

just so tired of feeling so **** beat up all the time.
no more!!

so tonight i will be doing a lot of healing meditations , prayers and visualizaions for tomorrow...

and continue in that fashion

i will wait to see the specialist til monday to see what she says about my eligibility with the disability claim , whatever it is , it is and I will have to find a way to earn a keep for myself.

i am being challenged yet again!

Motivated to do whatever I can to in the opposite regard of Depression
and not feed it any longer!

whew! helps to write this stuff out, I will give myself this forum as an accountability to be vigilent and diligent to
protect my freedom from depression

life is what we make it
what am i going to make of it?

what will i say on my death bed?
i dont want to say i wish i would have blah,blah
instead i go forward

KNOWING THAT GOD IS ON MY SIDE

"IF GOD BE FOR US WHO CAN BE AGAINST US"

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IN REGARDS TO POST MADE By Pegasus on Wed, 07-13-11, 22:09

A SEVERE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED INDIVIDUAL SUFFERING FROM MDD (MAJOR DEPRESSION DISORDER) WOULD NOT HAVE THAT MUCH ENERGY TO WRITE ALL THAT YOU JUST WROTE PEGASUS? AND TO MAKE IT SOUND AS IT IS JUST A MATTER OF SHEER WILL.

SORRY BUDDY, NOT HELPING ANYBODY WITH THIS POST. GIVE DAY TO DAY UPDATES AND LET US SEE HOW U R DOING. LETS US FIRST OF ALL KNOW HAVE BEEN CLINICALLY DIAGNOSED WITH MDD.. SERIOUSLY, LIKE TO SEE DAY TO DAY POST, WOULD LIKE TO KNOW HOW LONG DEPRESSED, WHAT MEDS HAVE TAKEN, WERE THERE PERIODS OF NON DEPRESSION, AND IF THIS TAKE OVER YOU ARE CURRENTLY DOING IS BEING DONE WITH WILL POWER ONLY OR ON MEDS.ALSO.

INFORMATION NEEDED TO MAKE INFORMED DECISION ABOUT HOW SUCCESSFUL YOUR TAKE OVER WILL BE. YES, THIS IS SOMEWHAT CRITICAL, BUT GOD, I HOPE YOU PROVE ME WRONG.

SUPPORT GROUPS NEED GOOD SOLID SUPPORT, NOT JUST A GOOD SPEECH.

GOOD LUCK

RICK

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CONGRATULATIONS Pegasus! I am so so so proud of you for standing up to your depression, you are a Star! I know that you will most definitely kick your depression to the curb and be done with it forever, because you have such an amazing attitude. You give me so much hope, so much inspiration, and for that I am ever so grateful to you.

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thanks to you Rick and to you also Pup for that great feedback
very well put!
indeed
I appreciate it very very much!!

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why would you thank that rick guy when he just put you down so much…not saying you have to argue him but why thank him?

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following day report
well I read last night
meditation
slept pretty good about 7 hrs
got up at desired time
went to get my MRI's
went to office and worked and found more work to do
did a small bit of cleaning

time w/ my dogs
am winding down

medicine i took as instructed
pain is under good control
mood is even still
so far so good
tomorrow is another day
have to reserve energy to do it again so that i can be more and more consistent until i hope it becomes natural like breathing and I will be at a steady pace

off the paxil now after 15 years of it
getting outside of house

my experience w/ depression for so many years of my life has shown me the symptoms of the depression add to it
so this was my proclamation to not let it continue taking me down.
and to remind myself to get a better control of my erratic emotions
from life's external events that can be perceived that way

i have worked on this for years my whole life really

i know better than to let the symtoms start becaue the symptms of depression cause more of it

getting out
eating right
sleeping right
meds have to be taken right.
and it is possible I feel that the meds feel that they have an anti depressant affect
as i feel depressed w/o them more so than with them
that could also be attributable to the relief of intense physical pain and the withdrawal attributes of the medicine, so i take all of this in careful acct.

i shall continue to plot my course through these waters of depression
from shore to shore
and satisfied with however much relief of my depression I can get i am thankful for.

not exactly sure what is going on w my hormones either.

but today was vry well, I am gonig to do my night time "routine" as well to keep me stable.

that s is where i suck at at being routine and consistnet w/ habits that do work for me well.

still a work in progress
thx for anyone reading to me and writing, i very much appreciate the feedback.

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Pegasus I am glad you are not wasting anymore time being depressed and you seem to have a real flair for creative writing...have you ever thought of making a career out of it? And RICKRANSOM11 why are you so judgemental and negative? Even the "sorry buddy" is insulting and abrasive. I think support groups are supposed to be supportive. So are you in other groups saying people "sorry buddy I don't think you have cancer (or whatever the group is for) because you typed too much and sound too positive...SMH

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Thank you T.Christine, that is very kind of you , are you born in 64? U an a 66, is why I ask.

Thanks, you know when I first read that reply I was a bit taken aback, then I felt as though that I had possibly said something that hit someone wrong.

I totally understand when in the bowels of depression what it feels like and how paralyzing it can be and that is the "voice" I heard behind those remarks, I heard someone suffering depression.

I myself have felt the exact same way that Rick has suggested it made him feel.

I am looking at it for intent. What the intent was to help? to hurt?
or what I interpreted from that reply was that Rick hurts.

I could have said his words at one or more days in my life to someone whom I felt did not understand depression.

And though I don't believe we should compare, I can say this, that when I come to a support group to write something,this is what I do that helps me. It helps me to do so.

I have done my time in depression hell and then some, a whole lot of it.

I thanked Rick because I learn something from every one and every thing.

I did feel a bit alarmed as what scared me or set me off a bit was that I was afraid that I had said something that may hurt another.

Believe me I totally get it when it comes to people who cannot understand how depression works on a person deabilitates them, those that have never had it do not get it.

I thought it strange that I would come off that way and that was not my intent.

I appreciate everyone's feelings and thoughts...

I also would say that we dont know each other very well or well enough to understand what we meant why we wrote or how we individually and even collectively here, at this site, work.

I thank Rick because what he said is very valid as far as how it feels and also that it takes more than just a lot of hot air to actually win the fight against depression. Also that he wanted a history of what I have done to beat it. Well , I am also all for us all working together and sharing what has worked for us in eliminating depression.

It is very difficult and I have accepted that I am a person that will be subjected to it from time to time, it is too unrealstic or at least has been thus far to expect it to never rea ppear, but who knows?

I still shoot for that though
and why is what yu have said here "wasting" of time

my crippling conditon has taught me now yet again not to take things for granted and this depression is what disturbs my quality of life.

Thanks for your kind words.
Really very nice.

I thanked Rick also for pointing out the seriousness of depression for anyone that may read my post the way he read it and I can totally appreciate his point of view, so I thank him for clarification that it is very serious and does not just go away because we want it to.

But I do know that we must want it to in order to even have a shot at it.

I am choosing to continue to defeat it that's all..

and I talk to myself this way in 3rd person to help my resolve, somehow writing it and sharing it makes me better equipped in my own mind.

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for me anyway writing my proclamations, and desires out esp. when battling a formidable opponent, it helps me to WALK THE WALK by writing this way. it fuels my fire of dedication to defeat my enemy.

I rid the addiction and then Mr. Depression came home and so now I'm dealing w/ him , and not reaching for mother's little helper" not trying to self destruct

I have come so very far on that road of depression.
I feel I am getting close to ridding it
because I want my time back and my quality of life and I have found it IS within my own control

with depression the symptoms feed more depression and create more, that is why I have been pushing forward and get up and dress up and show up , even if i do not "feel" like it
and dong that seems to break the cycle that depression has

the symptoms create more of it so I try to make myself do wht I dont' want to and then it helps to remove the depression

having trouble getting my sentences out right here at the moment.

frustrating i think is the word for it...okay, hope that this makes sense

depression people??? Rick? do you understand how the symptoms feed more depression??? and also I 'd love to hear what others are doing w/ their depression.

God Bless

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and you are also right Rick in that when severely depressed a person would not write this

yet anything is possible i wont' agree with that one, but i do know that when my depression has the best of me I won't eve come online at all, let alone write a post.

BUT if I was sick and tired of depression ruling me,
If I joined a support group to eliminate my depression
and if it started to get the best of me again

I feel I amusing the site for what the intent is to come here write it out and pick myself up to go at my life again w/o the hindrance and deabiltating affects depression brings.

so that's what I m doing , not sure how others use the site but this is how i am using it..

probably sounds like it should be a blog? who knows proper internet etiquette, i guess i am not altogether certain

valid stuff though Rick and I'd like to hear your posts...and I agree daily is a good thing for people suffering ....

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Wishing you a positive day...hoping you find the beauty in even the simplest things around you. Mine started off nicely...I had been feeding a stray cat for over 2 months that has been coming and going in my yard...well finally it let me pet it...it went from being so untrusting,scared and jumpy to rolling around at my feet letting me pet it...even if only for a few minutes showing me how loving it really was. Simple things are what is getting me by day to day lately...there was a time when a would look for GREAT or EXCITING things to keep me afloat in my daily battles but I found those things left me feeling down, like the fun was over for days afterward. Yesterday I saw a a tree that I would love to go back and take a picture of today...yup a tree made me happy...go figure :o). And a few days before it was a single mushroom...standing there in the middle of the yard ...I was amazed as I had just mowed the grass 2 days before and it was not there but yet it stood there about 3 inches tall with all these wonderful delicate fins on the underside ...how did such an amazing thing grow in less than 2 days? Yes simple things keep me going these days.

Well anyway I wish everyone a smooth journey to happiness and to be at peace with themselves...to leave the past in the past and to not dwell on it or be tormented by it any longer. I also wish people would be more compassionate to others and not be judgmental or harsh with their words as people recovering and healing are very fragile and frankly we've been abused enough and I can speak for myself in saying I have been knocked down enough in my lifetime and it is harder to get up each time.

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Pegasus,
that is such a wonderful thing to hear. I know for me some days I get up and think just you can do this, you can, and others brushing my teeth is a major achievement. And to read your hope and determination is inspiring. I wish you so much luck and pray, everything comes your way.

Love to you
Moongal x

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that is a great post T.Christine
I concur

I love the small things too, I enjoy nature so much and animals.

Yes, I love the trees too
I went out yesterday and I spent time w/ my dogs and the ones that I have recently rescued.

To see these dogs being so happy in the moment is great for me.
They live in the present moment.

And when we do that too , everything is just so beautiful , and "life" is so amazing, mysterious and engaging to be a part of this constant miracle unfolding.

You are right , geting knocked down, me too, I'm getting too tired for the energy it takes to get back up again.

The momentum that builds when we are up.

those bad mental habits and allowing the past to control how we feel today.

Not necessary, if we can really just put our past behind us and live for today we will see so much to be thankful for regardless of our circums.

I feel as though I have a 2nd chance now.

A few days ago, I was getting bummed over my situation and looking back at my busness sucess and material success and the mistakes I made.

But then I said wait a minute, I may be less able physically today , but I am wiser than I was back then.

So if I coudl build a business before, I can do it again
and if I do it again, I won't make the mistakes I made before!

So I feel now like I am being given a 2nd chance at my life.

By having to rebuild everything from the ground up gives me the chance to correct things I errored at before.

so instead of regretting or wishing I would have done things differently, instead I am thankful that I can create a new business and livlihood a nd this time do things differently.

It's never too late to begin again and to get it right.

I realize mre and more I can use my past to hurt and hinder my current efforts OR I can use it to HELP me in my current efforts.

I am inspired again. Took awhile to get there, but I am there.

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Moongal, and others,

I hear you!! for me it became a big deal to shower each day, to dress proper
and brushing the teeth.

It gets easier as I continue in my new good habits.

Also in goal setting, making the goals achievable and then once I achieve them add on a bit more and just keep on going.
Not too slow or too fast, just at a healthy pace.

another new habit is to not beat myself up over anything.
redirect, correct, address but no beating myself up over anything.

I am learning to love myself, mistakes and all.
I am not perfect, I dont' need to be perfect, I just need to
be myself and do my best each day.

I went from feeling I have nothing to do , to feeling that there is a lot I can do.

I even got feeling so much better I started cleaning my house!
that is a huge step for me!!!

I had been letting the "problems" and challenges I think I'd rather call them overcome me inside of my own head that would disable and paralyze me from doing anything.

Felt like I was polishing the brass on the titanic and like what's the point ?

but by going ahead and doing all the things that seem incidental , allows me to stop thinking negatively and just do , do , do.

I slept later than I would have cared to today, but it's the weekend and it's OK, so I just pick up where I left off on my goals and continue ahead.

hope you have a great day Moongal and to everyone here!

15

I find this inspirational. Thank you!

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thanks kitten for that feedback..you are more than welcome
have to keep on keeping on we do..

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Rick has sent to me an email after writing here and here is what he wrote to me
I had explained to him that when I write I am talking to myself:

Ironic, I didn't know anyone else who actually talked to self, debated self, one side could actually convince other of something.....been doing it for years. Not theraputic in helping depression but helped in understanding true me. ....if noticed made comment about post today and commented on how it made be better understand your post that I initally commented on. I am wrong, you have smart head on your shoulders, and wish you best.

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Hiya Pegasus...I just saw a few posts in my email that went to "spam" for some reason...one was you asking if I was born in '64...and yes I was...I turned 47 last month...47 feeling like 67 at times. I have had depression on and off from as early as I remember...one counselor asked me years ago "how long have you felt this way"...my reply was "since I was 3"....and I truly meant it. The past 2 years have really been a struggle as I left Long Island NY and moved to Florida....now not only have I been struggling with the depression but also some anxiety and fear of leaving the house....I have been making myself go somewhere(anywhere) every day now though to try to conquer it...it doesn't help that I have NOT ONE friend here...that I take the blame for because of trust issues....Well have a blessed day and enjoy those dogs...animals can bring such happiness and love can't they? ;o)

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yes I hear you I am 45 and i'm born in 66 and feels like 65 esp. when I look at my neck xrays ...
ahh life in Florida, weird aint it? hot too aint it?
i was very uncomfortable when I landed here after growing up in MIchigan
but it was better than my short stay in S.C. which I was more than ready to leave that place, but Fl is kind of tough on me, it took me awhile and even after 20 years here I still feel at odds with it..

That's great that you re pushing thru your uncomfortable feelings , I am too, I think it helps to do that, hopefully with time and practice and patience we will overcome those feelings and barriers to having a more quality life.

I think they go hand in hand, depression for me I have struggled with since I was about 10 years old on and off, mostly on,

and then any type of life events which to me were traumatizing added fuel to that fire....

Abusing cocaine was like putting gas on the fire for me , and I am very thankful I was able to quit it finally, that's been over 3 years ago.
and then I got hit w/ the economy destroyed my business of 15 years,
lost my business and thus my vocation and my home too.
but saved my dogs, which was what was most important
also been able to help my son at least by giving him a place to stay as the house I bought w/ my boyfriend has apt. in back
so we are all of us together
and I was able to keep my dogs and even rescue a few.

then after the economy and I 'm out looking for a new way or re creating the old ways to try to make a living.
means
that
I have had to do a lot of growing internally, a lot of accepting.
funny too the things I fought against changing, finally when I submitted and accepted I was actually relieved and the new ways are much better than the old ways, that I wondered in the end why I held on to the old ways so badly?
it was one of those like beating my head on the wall, keep trying to do what worked before (on my job for instance) and getting burned worse each time, til I finally accepted it.

a big relief in acceptance
I finally just gave it all to God and said Ok God if you want me to lose my new home, fine I'll accept it and I'll have a cheerful heart
I told him I will scrub toilets in hell if that is what you want for me to do and I'll do it w/ a cheerful heart knwoing that you want me to do it and that is what I shoudl do
and then when I do this, well I feel like Abraham int hat story where God tells him to kill his son and once he agrees, God is like OK you dont have to , just wanted to see if he would go against his own desires to serve God

I have had several times in my life that felt just like that

giving up and accepting of circums has helped me be able to just move forward.

I hope you have a blessed day too, and YES I am going to enjoy my canine companions. they are all precious gifts to me.
and they give so much and are just full of unconditonal love.
that it is difficult to feel badly when I am with them
actually WITH them and my mind not wandering to past or future