Killing me slowly

I'm at the point now where I'm a bit body fat % is very very low and my fat mass is very low also. I've begun to eat more by adding protein thinking it will help, while I've gained a few lbs in muscle my fat keeps going down, soon literally I will have nothing left.
I know I need to cut back on intensity and time spent at the gym but I can't mentally wrap my head around calories just sitting in my stomach and not burning them off.

Exercise addiction is the most horrific part of my ed struggles...I'm conflicted if I do it bc I love it or bc ed ants me to love it. I struggle to get thro my workouts with heart palpitations with me the whole time.

I just don't know how to stop and justify eating 3 meals a day. You will say cut back, baby steps...but I get anxiety and panic attacks and end up popping ativan to relieve my stress. So its like damned if you do, damned if u don't.

waaaah this is my life summed up Gina! :'(

I know what you mean, nothing feels like it will help. Nothing at all. Like you're in a black hole and you can't get out, but at the same time you feel like you NEED it. It's like a curse huh!

I'm sorry to say this, but I'm worried at this rate you'll end up in a clinic. They are horrible places, but are for your well-being. I don't want you dying on me when I've finally found someone who understands hehe!

Have you tried listenint to music when you eat like I said? Maybe that will help you not think of the unburnt calories after eating. And think of the IBS...this isn't helping it, is it mlove? :(

Have you got any friends who you can eat meals with?

Praying and thinking of you! <3

Ruth xx

Ruth, I'm actually on a wait list for inpatient care for my ED. They want me there to stailize my weight and diabetes. My grandma is dying, a few days left, if that and with my bf dumping me 2 days before xmas its just been a lot to take in and I've lost a bit of weight.

Gina, I'm sooooooo worried about you too. I understand the anxiety and panic attacks- I get them all the time when I'm trying to fight ED. They SUCK! It sounds flukey or whatever, but have you ever tried any deep breathing exercises? Or meditation? They can really work.

I've tried

would it help if i go through your training plan/schedule with you and maybe adjust it a bit objectively so that you know it has been looked at professionally? just an idea because your levels are insanely worrying!!!

love you, keep strong!


Did you get my msg then? Should I be scared?

Oh and what type of info do you need me to send Maedi?

Keep strong Gina, thinking of you!

Is there any way you can see a local doctor and ask them how you really need help NOW. That's what I did :)

Good luck!!! Worried about you! :'( <3

I understand that it's impossible for you to think rationally right now about the food issue, but do you think the rest of us, or anyone actually, 'deserves' to eat three meals a day? The rules and fears you have about eating, I think, are based of course on the eating disorder mindset, but also that you are not yet able to trust that your body will use food properly, or that you actually need food just as the rest of us do.
Am I right?
What makes you so different? Nothing? It's a fact that our bodies need food, and the only way to get past the fear of eating is to DO it! I know that sounds simplistic, but that's what it comes down to. There is more to it of course, but right now, your body and your mind are starving. Please think about this, and do what you can to take care of yourself...Jan ♥

I do eat 3 meals a day Jan, they are just extremely low in calories and always vegtables.

You may be eating 3 times a day, but you are not eating 'meals', because there is no balance in nutrients. Your body is starving because you are not allowing yourself any of the main building blocks for muscle and tissue repair. Perhaps you could begin to add some protein and carbohydrates to those 'meals'?
I know it's hard...but something has to change for you...I hope your treatment can begin sooner rather than later...take care...Jan ♥

gina, did u get my mails?
you would have to tell me exactly what you're doing when you're in the gym with all details re intensity, duration, weights etc. id love to be able to help you. it might not be the solution but maybe we could try get you on the way!

and jan is completely right, what you eat does not qualify as a meal. i am actually surprised your body is not totally shutting down yet. have you tried at all to start some MRPs again? or maybe add some fats into your daily intake?


I'm writing u a msg now maedi, but I have been including protein in every meal, ask chelsea, she makes sure!


you do still need some carbs and fats though, gina, but one step at a time :slight_smile:


Try to fight your fears with some facts right now...

Fact: Calories do not just sit in our stomachs when we don't work out.

Fact: Our bodies require plenty of calories simply to maintain organ function.

Fact: Our bodies need calories, and time off from the gym, to repair our muscles and heal our bodies.

Fact: If you're only eating vegetables, it doesn't matter how many times a day you're eating: you're unable to get the nutrition your body needs that way. Also, your calories will be too low...

Fact: As long as you continue to consume less than your body needs, your body will continue to canabalize itself. That means, yes, fat will go. So will muscle. And heart and brain tissue. And life... :0/

I'm concerned for you, too, sweetie... I know that IP is on the horizon for you... I hope you can use some facts in your repertoire today to try to get some better nutrition into your body. ♥

Lots of love,


Thanks everyone, and if u sent it to my hotmail maedi then no, I haven't logged on my laptop in days, ill msg u my blackberry email it goes obviously to my bb. I generally go o. The site from my bb all the time