Last night, my hubby and I were counseling a younger, unmarried couple. Their relationship has been full of ups and downs, and they've both done things to damage the trust. My husband used an analogy that I think was brilliant, and it might help some of you guys on here too.
Imagine a platform and a train. The platform represents the past, and the train is taking you to your future. If you keep one foot on the platform, the train can only go so far. You can make a little bit of forward progress, but you can't possibly expect to get to get to your destination.
This is a powerful analogy, regardless of whether or not you have decided to stay with your partner. Let's let go of the past, and finally take our foot off the platform.
Great analogy and it definitely describes where I was for 3 years. I was stuck on the platform in anger, hurt, fear, and depression. It wasn't until I step aboard the train with both feet that I really began healing. Our marriage isn't the same, in many ways its better. Our communication is much more purposeful and my husband is far more sensitive to my feelings. I wish I hadn't stood on the platform so long!
I love this, thanks for sharing! I'm wondering how long it's ok to stay on the platform. It's been almost 5 months since D day and I can't seem to move forward. I have taken many steps and I have come along way in 5 months, changed myself for the better for ME. and love what i have become, im seeing the old me when we first fell in love.
It is a good analogy but you could even take it further. You started on a journey sometime ago and took your foot off the platform. You ended up in the wrong place. Now in order to get back on the journey you must take you foot off the platform but you feel like you cannot in case you end up in the wrong place again. There is no hurry, make sure train is the one you want, make sure you know the destination. But it still comes down to the original quote, if you want to get there you must take your foot off the platform. @pequenina I am at 10 months and feel better, much better, but I am happy to on the platform for a bit longer. I bought a ticket to staying with my wife but I am working on me before I get on the moving train again. Actually I think we are both talking and planning about what the destination should be, we are going together for sure...just not sure which train yet.
I feel like that's kind of where I am too. I am almost 10 months in, and I've definitely come a long way. This new marriage that my hubby and I are building together is pretty great, but I still have a foot on the platform. And I don't know when I'm going to be ready to hop on the train. I know that eventually I will, but I feel like there are still some things that need to be worked out in me before I'll be ready to do that. @pequenina, at 5 months I remember the wound still being very fresh and raw. We had come out of the 'bonding' period, and I was left in this rut of 'should I stay or should I leave?' It wasn't until I completely made up my mind to stay and fight for my marriage that I was able to move forward again. There have been some struggles and road blocks since then, but they've all been more manageable. My husband said to me early on in the recovery that he knew I didn't have to stay with him. He knew I could leave and start over with someone else, and it would be completely my choice. His goal was to prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt, that although he may not be my only choice, he was going to be my best choice. And he has spent the last 9 months proving to me that he is still my best choice.
Thank you for sharing. im actually at that stage - whether to stay with him or not. He still hasn't come back home so I'm not even sure what will happen. We have made a strong connection even though we are not living togther. From what i see he does want to come home but is really nervous and scared. I totally understand, and im also nervous and scared. I keep thinking it would be easier to start over with someone else but then i think it's worth trying again. I've been with him for 19 years and married for 9, actually in 2 days will be 10 years. I'm happy that I'm not alone in what I am feeling.
It's good not to rush the decision. Take all the time you need for BOTH of you to be completely sure. Your marriage will never reach its full potential if there is any doubt in either of you. I am at the point in my healing that I finally believe with my whole heart this will never happen again. My husband has shown me over and over again how sorry he is and how much he loves me.