Last night was the first time I cut myself in a long time, and I've been contemplating killing myself for the past month. I had my first nightmare in a while about being raped again too. I keep bouncing back and forth between depression and reality. I almost skipped going to dinner with friends tonight because I didn't want to be a burden and bring them down, then thinking 'of course they want me there, they invited me', and then back to the depressed mindset again. It's hard to turn off the voices inside that speak for your depression, and I hate how I can't control when they turn on. All I can think about is how much simpler this would all be if no one had to act like they worry or care about me anymore.
Very sorry for your suffering. Hope you can reach out to a hotline and receive some free counseling. If you are working with a mental health professional, give them a call as well. You are worth it!
1 Heart