Last night while talking to my exboyfriend, he nonchalantly asked if I could still get in contact with the man who had raped me from 13-18. He was asking for business reasons and when I told him that I would rather not speak to him he understood. Still, that he would even ask that of me, really hurt and I felt really disrespected. My exboyfriend had known me for the entirety of these experiences so, he knows about everything he put me through. Yet, he asks me to contact him like it's no big deal.
4 Hearts
Have you asked him why he would want to do business with your rapist?
Bad opportunity.. Should not go there.. I feel for you. That stinks ..
I already know why. They're both entrepreneurs and in the same sort of business
You would think he would realize that's business partner who does not understand consent is not going to honor agreements based upon trust.
He's already proven he cannot be trusted.
As for the boyfriend, I would ask him myself, just to hear him try to explain why it's "totes ok" to work with the rapist of his partner.
That should be some interesting backpedalling to see...
Yeah. He's supposed to come over today. I was thinking about maybe bringing it up. I've been wanting to sort of talk to him about that subject anyway. I feel like I already know the answer though. He sees most of my problems as trivial or less important than his. He's extremely conceited. When he asked me to do that he was thinking "how would this benefit me" instead of thinking about how it would effect me.
2 Hearts
What benefit does he give?
1 Heart
He would get money.
No, I mean, what benefit does your boyfriend give to you?
Renasaur I'd stop talking to that ex boyfriend like yesterday. He obviously does not have your interest at heart. Sorry he sounds like a real ****. There are better people in this world.
2 Hearts
Oh, well he gives me company. I've known him for about seven years and we're really close. It makes me happy when he calls me, even tthough he usually just wants something from me. I really care about him and I feel like I don't have very many people in my life I can talk to so I try to hold on to the people that I can.
@Renasaur is the company he gives worth him placing himself above you?
Worth you being exposed to your rapist because he wants a business opportunity?
He sounds like a manipulative person and sees you as something that he can use and not give you the respect you truly deserve.
You deserve much better and not anyone who is around. I had to learn to do that. Teach people how to treat me and stop what I disagree about.
I hope you can find more supportive people in real life around you, or just stay here for a while. I also suggest a "no contact" with this ex who seems to have a no empathy.
Well one of the reasons our relationship didn't work out was because he's constantly manipulating me and placing himself above me. I feel like he's a narcissist. He doesn't have any way of contacting my rapist though. Only I do if I should ever choose to. I've cut him out of my life before. I just always end up running back to him when I feel like I have no where else to turn
@Renasaur it’s good that you have identified him as a “narcissist”. How about widening your social circle slowly so you can find better people options and cut him out completely ? Have you tried joining a club, volunteer organization etc ?
I'm really not good in social situations. I'm also working and going to school so I don't have a lot of free time for any extracurricular activities. I tried volunteering at the animal shelter but the days they wanted me there I had work and those were the only days they had available so that fell through.
@Renasaur exhaust every option and continue to move forward if you want something better for yourself. Nobody is born into being good at social situations. And when you do reply could you click on the reply button so whoever you are responding to gets a notification because of the “@+username”
Thanks. Just a heads up so you can get more support here.
It’s good that you are working and going to school still
Wow. I think you need to end contact with him. That is worse than stabbing you. At least how it makes you feel anyway. I am so sorry. That is inexcusable!
I am sorry you went through this, I know how it feels when the closest person doesn't acknowledge what happened to us although he knew it. if it helps they don't understand and usually they think we are making a big deal. you are justified in your pain, we are here for you dear and you are not alone
2 Hearts
@RedRose2015 thank you everyone. I talked to him about it last night and I told him how it made me feel disrespected. He told me that he just wanted to contact him because he’s still angry about what happened and he wants to beat him up