Lately I've been doing okay, mostly cause I started smoking

Lately I've been doing okay, mostly cause I started smoking pot again. But I'm about to be on probation so I quit. And all my anxiety and depression has increased. I feel empty. And I know it'll get better but how do I get rid of these flash backs. I can't even sleep in my bed cause it reminds me of when I was raped. And I feel like I can't be with anyone cause of what happen. I recently broke my foot due to binge drinking and blacking out and waking up with a guy. How do I do this. I didn't even know I drank so much. It makes me so sad that this is how my life is. All my friends are pot heads and drinkers so it's hard for me to stop. I even tried not to hang out as much but then I got lonely. I mainly just want to not see his face anymore or feel him. I can't sleep cause I'm scared I'll wake up to someone trying to have sex with me. It just saddens me I live in fear. How do you guys get through it? I feel like I'm being a baby about it and should just get over it. There's nothing I can do to change it. I still have herpes and I'll still know how I got it forever. I can't cry cause I've cried enough.

Wow. Life really fed you a sh*t sandwich. I'm impressed that you are as cogent as you are. I do know that time makes things better. Not fixed, but better. You said you couldn't cry anymore. I hope you don't mind me crying a bit for you.

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Thank you so much. That made me laugh a little.

U gotta learn to live for u when my grandma told me this I didn't understand at first until I really sat down and thought about it I can't let my past let downs keep me down when I realized this it helped me see I'm better than the life I was living after my step dad raped me I let myself go I didn't have respect for myself loving u first and being selfish will help u see u are better that u can overcome what happens to u also find a therapist of u need to I did and it helped me vent and move on even forgive I lo w u and I'm praying for u

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Thank you. I'm really trying. But sometimes I just can't handle it. Right now I just want to down pain meds and sleep. Best feeling is no feeling

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@heyhowdyhi I love u until u learn to do it yourself and even after I will u need a good support group drip old friends and habits learn to be alone without the negative energy and u will see things differently

Loving yourself a better feeling trust me

First off that's extremely hard to deal with, for anyone you're not being a baby. But you do have some choices to make. You can either stay in the environment your in or get away from it. The only way to help yourself is to do what's best for yourself. I'm willing to help. Send me a message if you want I'm here and willing to help you get through this

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try to engage in some new activities and get to know new people. If you really want to get rid of your old circle, you will.

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Hi Hey,
You're definitely not being a baby. And the 'get over it' is the bully talking. You're like me: You care even about the bullies and you're giving them and their verbal rape validity.
I haven't yet gotten over it, though I hope one day I can meet others in my city who are like me; as in not be with the ones in denial but to be with someone like you or someone else on or off this site with the courage to talk about rape.
And I gave up on the negative (in denial) people I hung out with, which has left me all alone. Some days my only words are checking into the shelter saying my bed number and ordering coffee: actually, much of my life has been like this.
I hope one day we who are dealing with rape love ourselves enough to unite; that we'll see it's long past the time when we've had enough of the insanity of rape.
I can relate to pot, too; though it's long past the time when after the smoking has been useful. Only the diversion of getting it and smoking it distracts me. My only escape is the oblivion of sleep. I love oblivion and if I found a switch to turn myself off and give up the possibility of an eternity of contentment and love, I think I'd flip the switch to off.
Good wishes to you and all of us

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