Lately I have been really wanting to self injure just to see a mark or see blood. I just feel like it's normal for me to have a bruise or a mark, and when I don't have one I don't feel like myself. I just don't know what to do. I feel kinda embarrassed to say that, has anyone else ever felt that way before.
(Please only use the word self harm or self injury when you reply to my post)
Princess
I know exactly what you mean. It feels like our vices control us sometimes and can be extremely hard to feel ourselves the way we were meant to feel. Hell, all the time for me.
Try to avoid self injury and feel what it's like to be 'free'. After a while, you will know the bondage of self harm, and possibly even strive to stay away from it. It's not easy, but worth a shot.
<3 ya, chika
P.H.
Yes i know exactly how you feel princess. I stopped self harming right b4 summer and i didn't really notice. During christmas i started looking at my arm alot hoping to see some kinda mark. I hadn't self injured in so long that all the marks went away. So i started to self harm again and now the marks are back. I just wanted to let you know that i understand where ur coming from. Congrats on not self harming, thats an amazing step to make. Take care <3
I've self harmed since I was 13 yrs old.. I am now 38 and fight it daily! I have not in over a month now but I constantly fight to keep it that way. I know how you feel.. I "crave" seeing the reminder of what I did when I do it..
I hope that you can find a way to deal with your urges. I find that talking about it helps a little
I don't feel as crazy now knowing that others have felt the same way. I am still really wanting to see a mark on my body though it's hard I am trying to stay strong. Thanks for your support.
This might sound strange coming from an old guy like me (54) but I understand as well. I hit a very low point a couple of years ago and got to the point of going after my hands with pieces of razor i took out of a safety razor. My pain doc noticed my bandage and pretty much forced me to let her check it out and then she convinced me to see a friend of hers for some help.
One problem I have is that I am very much cut off from people now though I work every day. I was hurt in the Army a long, long time ago and I am very lucky that the company has a work from home policy. The bad part of it is that it is just me and my thoughts sometimes and I fight those bad thoughts every single day.
If I can offer one bit of advice beyond the usual of seeking someone to talk to, its that you have to remember that what happens to you when you are young can come back to really bite you when you are older. What I mean by that is making a mark might just hurt now but have other implications later so please try your best to fight that thought.
Wishing you all the best.
I used to feel that way a lot when I use to self harm. That's part of what would keep me doing it- I wanted to feel like myself...look like myself. I have been working really hard to see myself without them and change my behavior. I haven't done anything in 2 years. I know you can do it! I'm here for you!
You know, you really hit something that bothers me quite a bit. Please, nobody laugh, but even after all these years when I look into the mirror I truly don't recognize who that is looking back at me. When younger, I guess I was decent looking or maybe it was the fact that I liked to dance that brought a few dates my way. Anyway, I simply don't even see the shadow of that person anymore. I studied martial arts for many years, even making it to my black sash in our combat style and that guy knew himself pretty well. Do you ever feel like you have become someone else?
Richard
Hey Richard, I wasn’t sure who you were addressing but I thought I would still respond. First I would never laugh! Especially not at such honesty! I feel that way too a lot myself, even when I was 13. One day I looked in the mirror and a stranger was looking back at me. I realized I used to be this sweet and shy person and suddenly this emotionally crazed angry little monster was staring out through my face. It’s kind of been that way ever since. Except now when I look in the mirror it’s like I see a couple different people and I don’t even know which one might be me now. What kind of person am I? I like to think that I am not the product of what I have done and who I have been but what else would I be? And if many of those things make me ashamed… I also feel that way, that there was a time when I knew myself so well and I had things I was into that I have lost. I spent a while trying to be that person again because it WAS me so how hard could it be to become myself again? It was a futile and painful effort though. I just have to take the time to learn about this new person even if I don’t really like her. And figure out what feels good and what her strengths are. I have to stop remembering who I used to be or I’ll never be ok with who I am now. I think it’s so great that you worked so hard to achieve such a high level of skill in karate! But I also know that while you are going through a hard time, present day Richard might have a few or even a bunch more knocks to contend with but he is just as great as young Richard if not better. I look at it as at the time, we weren’t able to survive our experiences so we changed like metal in a forge. Grieve your old self, but we also must let go and embrace what the fires have made us. It means we have survived. We can’t survive if we don’t adapt to adversary. You know at least that this new Richard is strong at heart. I hope this wasn’t as long winded or dumb as I feel it might be. I hope that it is relevant to you.
I know exactly how you feel. I went for quite a while without self harming and then it seemed like out of the blue I felt the strong need to do it again. I got a tattoo and actually enjoyed the pain that came from it. I've done a lot of drastic things actually. It seems I"ve been under an extra lot of stress lately so self harming has been on my mind a lot more. It almost comes like second nature now which is kind of disheartening.
that is not uncommon. that is why some therapists recommend marking your body w/ a red marker to 'mimic' a mark. I myself found that did not help but only made me want to see a 'real' mark. During really bad times when I think of 'socking' sometimes i can look at my legs and 'see' the marks even when they are not there cause I want to cause them that bad. When it gets to that point is when I reach out and make sure I am NOT alone.