My dilemma is this: if I label something as "bad" for me, then it is. One has to believe something is harmful to them personally for it to actually be harmful. I enjoy drinking. I don't believe it to be harmful. Yet my drinking has increased to daily use and I'm forgetting more and more conversations, promises, plans, etc. I'm a single mother of three kids and often I don't remember the movies we've watched together or the discussions we've shared. I got my first DUI a year ago. I'm angry at myself for not being able to "master" my drinking. And I get sad when I feel I can never drink again. I am loathe to label myself anything, let alone an alcoholic. But it seems to me the writing is on the wall. I need to quit, but only if I believe the opposite of what I've been claiming...anyone following me here?
Hi labyrinth, Welcome to SupportGroups.com . I know I didn't want to think of myself or label myself an alcoholic in the beginning because that mean I might have to do something about my drinking. I didn't feel I had a real problem. I just needed to do something so I could continue to drink. I really hated having to give up alcohol because it had become my buddy, my lover in life. But thing was that was all a lie so I came to find out later. It wasn't my buddy nor my lover. Alcohol was killing me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It was only until I hit bottom that I was able to do something about it. I went to AA http://www.aa.org/ for help. Only yu can decide if you are an alcoholic. You have to be willing to get help which is available to you. AA is not the only way. His is a link for non 12 step programs http://alcohol.supportgroups.com/sg/alcohol/non-12-step-programs . Keep coming and sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))
Thanks for your reply. I quit drinking for 8 years a while back, and went to AA regularly. However, AA is limited in its ability to redirect a new convert. Alcohol isn’t really the problem, right? That’s what we were taught. It’s a symptom. I found that AA only pounded the fact that I was an alcoholic into me relentlessly…I wasn’t even allowed to speak unless I started out saying “Hi, I’m so and so, and I’m an alcoholic.” But being an alcoholic and stating it every time I open my mouth doesn’t help. Because I’m not really an alcoholic, but rather someone with bi-polar disease, or someone with dirt-low self esteem, or a person with a phobia or neurosis or psychopathic tendencies…alcohol is only the method I choose to keep the wolves at bay. I think my biggest problem is I love to drink! I truly enjoy it, but can’t deny the damaging side effects. I look forward to drinking at the end of the day. It’s like my personal reward for doing all that I must to raise my kids, pay my bills and maintain my home. If I were to remove alcohol from my life I feel I need to replace it with something. But nothing fits the bill. I think that if I stop drinking for a month, then reassess my life, my health, my emotions, etc. I’ll have a better fix on my relationship with booze.