Les Miserables

Mental Health Eating Disorders & Body Dysmorphia
1

Hello~ I am new to this group.

My name is Sam and I am 27 years old. I have been diagnosed as bipolar, take anti-depressants currently, and am a horribly successful binge eater.

I started some form of binge eating when I was pretty young. My parents would both use food and/or substances to alter their emotional states, which I observed as a child. Home wasn't the happiest place and it didn't take long for me to start looking forward to macaroni & cheese and marsh mellows for both entertainment and happiness.

The next turning point for me was the summer that I turned 16. I was sexually assaulted by my supervisor at my first job. After that incident, I became extremely depressed and my binge eating greatly intensified. This was when I started to gain unhealthy weight as a result of my binge eating habits.

Since then, there have been points in my life where I have been better able to balance myself and not be so cruel to my body. The last few years has not been one of those times. I am a single mother, working two jobs to pay our bills. I have horrible luck and/or am just not open to being in a relationship. I don't feel like I have support and am feeling very socially isolated. My job bores me to tears (I binge eat at work a lot because of it) but I don't feel like I can leave because the job market is so rough right now and I have to support my daughter.

I am doing things to move my life forward and change things but right now it all just feels so slow. I am feeling stuck, bored, and sad. When I feel miserable, all I can think of is eating. It is like my life and my day is not worth it at all, but I feel like I can get through it if I just eat and eat and eat.

I know I am destroying my health though. I have gotten so tired and unhealthy over the past few years. I am now about 50 pounds heavier than i think I should be. I feel so ugly and I never want to have sex anymore. I am destroying myself.

I view binge eating as less of a food problem and more as an emotional/spiritual deficit that needs to be filled. Does anyone have any recommended reading that could help me address my issues in that way?? (I have already read all of the practical day to day advice. I am looking for understanding and inspiration).

Thank You for listening.
Sam

2

No one can force you to change, unless you are willing to improve your life, which is not an easy process. What helped me was: first, not to buy food that you like very much, second, slowly changing your meals to a smaller portion, but eating frequently, like five times a day. This way, with time, your stomach will get used to a small amount of food, also it is easier for digestion. Give yourself 6 months and see what happens. When you body and soul are taken care of, you will feel completely different. Do not look back, it is hard, but the past is the past. Only future will bring you happiness. God bless you.

3

Hey Sam,
I am sorry for what you are going through. Yes it is true that we often observe from a very young age and that in to our behaviour upwards, in essence our parents write on the slate of our future. This is not changeable sweetie, and that is the most important thing to remember.

That you can do something to go through this. Are you in therapy? I think it could be very beneficial to you.

I too suffer with binge eating so I understand what you are going through and how hard it is at times. And you're right it's not a "food" thing, but it's a very difficult thing to manage and cope with but you can get through this.

Love to you hun
Moongal x