The first week was definitely the hardest. You cry a lot. I would just sit at the table with a cup of tea in my hand, and wait for the evening to arrive. I could not read a book, watch even a film, or a bit of TV. I didnt eat, i lost weight. I am doing all those things again now. You feel guilty for getting on with your life, or maybe the anti depressants are kicking in. At some point you have to put one foot in front of the other.
I heard my partner crying last night, she thought i was asleep but i heard her weeping. She will cry for a long time, but i support her every day, and make her laugh. We are closer now.
Some days we talk about it, some days we dont. I let her do the talking now. It almost feels like a dream. Memories are like that. I keep the memories with a wall around them to protect me. If i dont, then i cry for the guilt.
Why do people have affairs? It only ever ends in people getting hurt. I didnt see the larger picture at the time. I was too busy thinking about myself, and my needs.
The strangest thing is though, i have for so long, been living in fear of my partner finding out what happened, and now she knows. I told her. It feels like i have now landed on a different planet, which is exactly like the one before, yet some how i am different. I come on here a lot, trying to make my peace. Reading other peoples stories. I feel sorry for those who have been hurt, feel what the cheaters are going through.
There are thousands of people out there now having affairs. I look at people differently now. I look at strangers, and think what is your story. All i know is, that i could be approached by a super model looking for a quick fling, and it wouldnt interest me. Its nice to feel like that, even though the past haunts me.
Deck, the most important thing is show your true remorse to your spouse and act on it. For all the pain you feel, the betrayal and deceit you bestowed on her is much worse. Her pain will be there for alot longer and you have to accept the fact the planet is different now will stay that way.