Life sucks. I am unemployed and broke. Almost out of weed so that adds to the stress. I hate money. It puts such an unnecessary strain people. I could ask my mom for some money, but that gets old and she has been having money trouble since my dad got fired almost a year ago so I feel like I have no right to ask her for anything.
I struggle with depression so the motivation needed to fill out job applications isn't necessarily a readily available thing. I also struggle with anxiety, so I have been worrying about the interview process and the drug testing and the newness that comes with any job. I quit my job at Subway because I was feeling overwhelmed and I am afraid that will happen again. I have thought about applying for disability, but haven't seriously thought about it because I am not interested in going in front of one or several strangers and begging them to believe that I am suffering and that sometimes I am incapable of doing things that 'normal' people can do with ease. It would be too frustrating if they didn't think I was 'worthy' of help.
Working full time is extremely hard for me. Don't ask why because I couldn't tell you. 6 hours a day is the max I would be willing to do, but even then I would be pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I want to work though. Part of my depression comes from the fact that I do not feel like I have a purpose. Having a job would help with that. But I hate the idea of doing a job that I don't enjoy, which is 99% of the jobs out there.
Three of my top interests in life are children/parenting, nutrition, and drugs (I use that word loosely, I am interested in learning about the effects they have on people and potential uses - and in case you didn't know tobacco is a drug, alcohol is a drug, caffeine is a drug so I am not simply referring to illicit substances). But I can't just jump right into these fields of work, in more cases than not I would need a college degree and college isn't the place for me because college is boring. I learn better by doing than I do by sitting and getting talked at, especially if the person 'teaching' me doesn't seem to have an interest in my learning (a common scenario in my experience).
I wish there was an easy way out of this struggle. Or even a clear view of the path would be nice because as of right now I don't know where to begin. It's like trying to untangle Xmas lights - you know the end is somewhere in the mess but it's sometimes impossible to find and it's way too easy to lose hope.