Life was pretty good for about 14 months. Although my ex was

Life was pretty good for about 14 months. Although my ex was texting me a lot, (I think when she was drunk) I didn't text back. Then.... on Election Day she texts me and says she has a flat tire and needs my help. The guy who "raped and abused" her for years. So I go help and she starts saying things like "I wish we could get along like this all the time" and "We should be friends." So I try. I try to be friendly. But it's not a few days before she back to her old crazy self. She told our children that some old man stopped to help her. I told them an old man did stop but I was there doing all the work while he watched. Then Friday happens.... dum dum dum.

I drop our daughter off Friday at 6:15 (the court order says "after school" with no specific time). This makes her mad because in her mind she has created a schedule that does not exist. Thirty minutes later I get a text... "You didn't work today and Allison hasn't been fed and I've spent 25 minutes brushing the tangles out of her hair." That, along with pictured of her hair. I texted her back and said none of that is true. Two hours earlier she ate a hot dog, rice, green beans , a banana and an apple AND I brushed her hair the best I could. This conversation went on for three hours. She was telling me I better start doing this and that or she is going to file contempt and tell the court and her attorney... yada yada yada. I was getting tired of it so I asked her a couple simple questions- "Why didn't you buy our children anything for Christmas?" and "Why did you lie to me about why you got fired from your job?"

She ignored the Christmas present question even though I asked her three times. Yeah, she didn't buy our three oldest adopted children anything at all for Christmas, even though two weeks before, she texted them and asked what they wanted. They were excited and thought they were going to get some new shoes they have been wanting but then she just let them down.

Then she got really mad when I asked about her job. She had called me and told me that she was fired because the other nurses weren't doing their jobs and since she was the administrator they fired her. Not true. I told her I knew the real reason because I read the publicly available report and a couple of her colleagues told me. She kept saying "lol" and told me if I knew anything I would tell her who I was talking to and then said "prove it." So I sent her a screenshot of the report that said she was fired for "Falsifying records" and "Being dishonest." She shut up after that for about 30 minutes then texted me back and said she called the police on me. Then four minutes later texted and said she called them again. She told them I was harassing her which is "against the court order." I told her she has a problem and if she needs help writing the letter to the Nurse's Board explaining how she's learned her lesson from all of this which is a requirement to terminate her probation I would be happy to help. I'm assuming that really made her mad.

Then yesterday I was talking with her sister's husband and he told me a bunch of things about her. He said he really feels sorry for her. I said "I do too." She 's so self-destructive. But anyway, one thing he told me is that last weekend when I was trying to pick my daughter up on Friday she said she was driving around with her to waste time just so I would get her as late as possible. Dirty!!!

Then, (and my rant is over) last night my daughter, who is eight, called me and was whispering. She said she had to sneak away with the phone and hide to call me because she's not allowed to. Although I do not restrict her at all from talking with her mom when she is at my house, because that's just not ethical or good for the child, that's what her mom and grandma do when she is over there. Typically I do not get to talk with my daughter for an entire week when I don't have her but thank God I do have her every other week.

I am sorry that this is a continual nightmare. I hope as your kids get older it will be less and less intolerable.

1 Heart

@CKBlossom This can’t last forever. At least that’s what I’m praying for.

I am so sorry. My EX isn't crazy but there are some similarities. He texts me all buddy buddy. I generally only respond to the things specific to the kids. He still asks for my help in all kinds of things. Currently he's buying a house so asking advice of me and my mom. We give it because we've decided we don't want to be the type of people who don't help others. He complained yesterday that the house inspection was going to cost too much so he couldn't buy a new tv. I reminded him that I paid 100% of the $5,000 attorney fees for the divorce and for an $800 appraisal that totally screwed me in my refinance. That shut him up. And, I learned from my kids that he drove around the neighborhood for 10 minutes because he didn't want to drop them off early when he knows full well I have zero issue with that. Just childish behavior that his kids have to witness.

The only thing I can say is keep being who you want to be and don't let her change you. Your kids see her for who she is. It is sad, but we can't change our EXes to be a more positive role model for their kids.
In my case, their dad doesn't nothing with them and only leaves the house when he is out with "his friend" which means whomever he is sleeping with at that point in time. They know its a "normal" friend because then he actually says their name. So, I just say, "I'm sorry your Dad is living a life he can't share with you, and I hope that if and when I date that I can be honest with you about who I'm seeing and what I'm doing." (well within reason...they don't need to know EVERYTHING).

We just need to hang in there and be positive influences on their lives. I've been working a lot on how to balance supporting my kids and what they deal with at their Dad's without exacerbating it or badmouthing him. Its a hard fine line to walk. But, I know in the end that is the best thing for me to do. Showing my own animosity toward their dad doesn't do them any good and also will limit their willingness to share with me. So, I hold it in and try to be as objective as I can.

@Leahzan I’m trying my best to be the same way. One of the last things I told her Friday when she was on her tirade is that I’m doing my best to help and support her but she is making that very difficult. I wish they made a thermometer type device you could use to measure crazy. Maybe then she could see.

I wouldn't trust her if I were you. I can tell by your posts that she is definitely self-destructive and a liar. It's funny how her name kinda resembles to the actress Amber Heard, who abused her ex-husband Johnny Depp.

@SimonaAlex Yea I followed that story for a long time because it was so familiar but Johnny Depp is pretty screwed up too in that one. Maybe it’s women named Amber. Crazy evil chicks.

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