I have been with my husband for four years, married for two. We also have a two year old little girl.
We were just together for 3 months when I became pregnant. Shortly after she was born, she suffered an event that was devastating to us for a very long time. After a year, the situation finally was resolved, but right after that was fixed, he accepting a job that required a lot of traveling, leaving him only about 8 days home every month.
Then, after a year of working there, he just couldn't take it anymore, quit, and came home. He is a very skilled man so I assumed we would be fine.
Unfortunately, he has accepted a job that barely in one month grosses his weekly income at the former position.
I am a full-time student, and it would be very difficult for me to work and still spend time with my daughter, who is the number ONE priority in my life, without question.
But our financial situation is horrible, and he doesn't care-he likes this job, and doesn't care about the stress I am going through, or the fact that he isn't providing for his family. I am beginning to think he is dellusional, or in denial.
I feel completely abandoned emotionally. I never knew I could feel so alone, we are definitely not partners anymore. Anytime I try to talk about things rationally, he ignores me. And I mean, I can talk or yell or hours, and he never ONCE acknowledges that I am speaking. He refuses counseling, and says that I am crazy and that there is nothing wrong with our life or relationship. I feel so frustrated, and isolated...at this point, I have so much resentment that I want a divorce badly, but until I get out of school, there is no way I could provide for my daughter and I financially. I want this transition to be as stable and secure for her as possible.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I can cope living in this situation until I graduate?
Hey Jill89. Do you have any family you and your daughter could stay at for a little while? I'm sorry your husband is treating you like that. You deserve so much better, and can do better. When are you going to graduate? You are never alone, we are all here for you, and you have your daughter with you. Everything is gonna work out for you and your daughter, you just have to believe and have faith. Hope this helps you.
I actually don't have any family. My mother and I never had much of a relationship, and while we get along okay now and she is very active in my daughter's life, living with her is just not an option. My father is going through financial hardships of his own, and that is all the family that I have. There are several bills in my name that although my husband isnt managing to pay, I cant pay either. I am hoping to graduate in October, but I have trouble even getting out of the house, let alone getting to school, so I could see it being winter if I can't muster up the will power. (I go to cosmetology school, so its done by hours instead of semesters.) So basically my only option is to stay. I just wish I could stay without spending every day on the verge on an emotional breakdown, constantly worrying about everything, it's eating me up.
I'm so sorry to hear about that. I wish I could help you.
Hi Jill89! I'm really sorry you're going through this and I can feel your pain and relate to it for sure. It is awful to live under the same roof with a spouse that you've come to the conclusion it isn't going to work out and you want a divorce. But if you want to finish school in October, and at the latest, in the winter, I'd try real hard to stick it out so you can finish first and then leave if you still want a divorce.
I know that sounds like forever right now, but time goes by fast and as much as I hated, I mean REALLY hated it, I stayed in the same house with my now ex until it was right up to the bitter end and lived without speaking to him except every once in a while. It starts to get easier to say nothing because like you said, you're not getting any response anyway, so why talk to him anymore. What ends up happening is you both live pretty silent, you take one day at a time, and start the count down to how many more days you will take it like it is so you can get through school.
I wish I had better advice for you, but I don't because you're the only one who knows whether you can tolerate it for another five to seven months. Keep us posted on how you're doing. There are SO many great people on her with good advice, keep checking and hopefully someone will have a good idea for you, okay? I wish you all the best and I'm so sorry you feel like you're getting ready to have a breakdown. You WILL make it through this, keep the faith and say lots of prayers for guidance. Sunshine!
Thank you so much. I can do it, because it gives me time to come up with a plan to keep my daughter's life as stable as possible, with as little change as necessary. I made a doctor's appointment, going to see if there is something I can take to keep from having the emotional spells so often, but something I won't need to take for an extended period of time. Thank you for your kind words.
Jill,
I went through a similar situation with my husband. We have been together for 11 years married 9 have 3 daughters. He went to school 4 years ago to be a cop. After 3 years of searching and trying to get a police officer job, he got a break in our city. Great pay and the insurance was awesome. We were drowning in medical bills as it was from former crappy insurance. We were so proud of him!!
3 months into it he up and decides to quit the police force and go back to his factory job without even discussing it with me. I was to say the least mad. I called our pastor and even his mother. He cut our income incredibly and my hope to get out of debt was gone. He wasn't happy in the police officer position. It took a long time to get over it but I did. In the end, I just could not imagine life without him. He is a great husband and father that just made a bad decision. He could be mopping floors for all I care and I would love him all the same. He has offered to get a second job to make ends meet and is planning on doing so.
If your husband isn't willing to do anything to make the situation better then that is a huge issue. If you look at him and picture life without him, then it is time to move on. I hope you find a solution to this.