Lonelines As I lay here alone in bed, I feel a huge

As I lay here alone in bed, I feel a huge amount of loneliness. No TV, no kids playing or talking, nothing just silence. Gives me time to think about how undeserving I feel. How worthless and ugly I feel. I try so hard to eat well and exercise so I can look perfect but I can't seem to make it happen. No one understands the pain I feel inside, it's ridiculous to them, as my husband would say "you only think about yourself". He just can't understand the pain inside of me. Hr thinks its insane that i feel this way. It's not a joke, it's not how I want to feel, it's what I go through daily. I will never be good enough!! I feel like this is slowly killing me inside. I feel like I have no one. I just wish I had someone to understand the pain I feel inside but I don't. It's crazy to sit and think about the measures I take. Pills upon pills. I know I'm slowly killing myself inside but my dimented thoughts make it to where I don't even care. I look at my legs and it makes me do depressed, I want to just slice them. How sickening is that?? I ****ing hate this disease!!! Go the **** away cuz I ****ing hate you!!! You rob me of my everyday life. You rob me of the happiness I ****ing hate you for this!!! I just want to ****ing scream!! I'm slowly dying inside because of you!!! You are ****ing evil!!! I feel like I'm better off alone!!!


I am really sorry to hear about what you are going through this sounds very difficult and I completely understand your frustration. Have you tried talking to a specialist about what you are going through? I know it might be hard to put yourself out for scrutiny, but it might be a good idea to try and look into something like that. I wanted to share with you this article that talks about body dysmorphic disorder and possible treatment options that you can look into: http://www.brainphysics.com/bdd_gorbis.php If you ever want to talk I am here for you.