Loneliness, stress, family depression, relationship problems, financial stress, underemployment

hi! i feel the following:

loneliness
stress
family depression
relationship problems
finincial stress
underemplyment

Loneliness: its because, recently my friend just got engaged and other friends are getting engaged as well, but here i m at the age of 24 still single and its really hard to except life as its treating me.

stress: i wake up at 5:30am and come from work at 7:00pm

family depression: father is a alcoholic, retired, thinks about money all the time, have a big brother who is taking care of the finances but he is also complaining, my sister in law is a very sh-rude person, and have a step mother who is leaving the house in few days.

please help me solve this three main points and ill explain the other 2 later on my discussion.

hussein,
i wish i could simply help you solve all that but unfortunately it's not as simple. so a few questions:

i'm not a dating expert at all but what do you think why you're still single? and is that really the reason why you feel lonely? could it not be more from the inside? your happiness shouldn't depend on another person (which i know is easily said!).

what do you work? what is the chance of reducing those hours? other than long hours is there other reasons why you feel stressed?

do i understand it right that you live with your family? if you are unhappy there, could you move out? does your family know how the whole situation affects you? could you talk to them openly?

love
maedi

why i am single?? i think i m not ready but if i see my other friends, they are also not ready i mean financial ways and age ways too, but still they are like going on.

i work as a logistics head in a manufacturing firm.

other then work stress i do not think there is other stress which is a problem.

i cant move out as we just bought a house few years back and we are finishing its loan which we took to buy the house.
and yes we do live altogether.
if i could talk to them openly i could have not joined this group my friend.

do you want me to tell you the relations i had with my girlfriends in the past, may be it might help you to really find whats wrong?

thank you
regards Hussein

Hussein,

You have a full plate~! First of all welcome and so glad you joined this group. I'm a newbie myself but have dealt with some of the same issues as yourself ...and at my age I have reworked them often~! This support.com is great.

I am very serious when I say this...at 24 being single is not a bad thing. I know I thought I was so ready and mature at a much younger age...and wish I had waited before embarking on a life long commitment. Can you fill some time and also meet other people by putting yourself in situations where you would get involved with people of like interests.

My Dad was an alcoholic...my mother ran the house..money and everyone under the roof. My brother became like a bitter recluse..I became someone who tried to make everybody happy all the time....and blamed myself when they weren't. That to me is the real danger of an alcoholic presence in the house. Are there any ACOA groups around..Adult Children of Alcoholics. I didn't get involved with that until I was in my 40s..it was really helpful. It is usually led by a professional and you realize that your concerns are shared by many.

Are you attached to the stepmother who is leaving? Do you care to share why she is leaving? PLEASE remember that your father's drinking is his issue even though it certainly affects everyone. How is your relationship with your brother? How much older is he?

You have come to a good place by making the step to share here...you will find many caring people who have experienced your situation in their own life.

Welcome..keep coming back and talking..many people care!

A work-in-progress..M

No i m not much attached to my step mom i tried to but i just cant.
my brother and i get along very well, just sometimes we have fights well that is normal in everyday life, i guess. he is 15 years older then me, infect i take him as my father…

thank you for hearing me!

regards Hussein

Hi Hussein...
So glad you wrote more..I am happy for you that there was not a strong attachment to you step mom now that she is leaving. Changes always bring adjustments...but it would be so much harder for you if you had a strong bond.

I think you are very wise to realize that you are not ready for a lifelong marriage...very wise. Even though you see friend marrying...as you said..that does not make them ready and I hope their marriages work out. Wiser is the man/woman who waits.

It sounds like the family purchased the house together and there is a financial obligation you feel must be honored. How many are there in the house? Do you have private space of your own?....a room that you can make as personal for you as possible.

So glad you get along well with your brother...fights and differences are typical as you say. My sons were 8 years apart and had a parent/child relationship because their father and I were divorced. There was trouble in their relationship I learned about just recently. So..I am very happy that your brother is also father and friend.

Logistics~!..you must be very capable. I was not blessed with a logical brain...smart enough but more emotional than logical. One of my sons worked for DHL in Prague....very logical fellow.

I hope you feel as though you have found a friend and an outlet to share...

So glad to hear from you again...A work-in-progress-M

HELLO!

i guess you are right about the attachment of me and my step mother. and hopping change will be for good.

i am wise but not sure of my decisions of long term marriage, yes i get attracted to any girl whom i think i can spend my life with her, but after a month or two there i go again i loose interest in her and start ignoring her. well currently i m single as said before, and looking for a relation which lasts long and healthy. i guess you are right about me just waiting for the right girl at the right moment.

We are 7 of us my brother and his wife and their two kids, my father and his wife, and yea not forgetting me hehe!

i love solving puzzles and finding a solution to a problem but i guess this puzzle of my life i cant solve it, and had to seek help, and i m glad to say i am receiving quite a good help.

thank you
regards Hussein

Hi Hussein,

I'm so glad you wrote more and much of what you write sounds positive...except "Everybody LIES". That statement takes in a whole lot of people. For me..it was not so much that they were not telling me the truth as it was that they disappointed me...let me down..or were not capable of giving me the kind of feedback I hoped for.

It is really a brave step that you sought help and are receiving help from someone you are comfortable with. Maybe the person that you talk with could help you understand why you are attracted to someone...and then lose interest. There are so many things that could make you feel that way. Remember you are not alone feeling like that. People get turned on to things and lose interest all the time..sometimes we jump into relationships before we really know people...and later in life it shows up just jumping from one project to another before finishing the first one. Certainly..I am no expert by any means but have seen enough in my lifetime and in my life to know this is common...but there is usually a reason. My husband is like that..with people and with projects...and there are reasons from early on.

Yes...don't forget yourself when you count the people in the house~!!! Don't forget yourself at all. It sounds like you are aware...taking steps..and making progress.

Sort out the relationship thing...or you could wind up like me..multiple divorces..and still sorting at 70. Today I feel the best I have felt in many months...and I know it is because I am taking some steps toward change..in many ways.

Oh..PS...I don't lie..you can count on that..I bet you don't either~!

Regards to you, A work-in-progress....M

Hi!
well i do believe in that every body does lie to some point. ill say that because i do too, not always but yes there are some situations i tend to lie to protect my situation at that moment. about the relation, ill just wait for the right time and the right person to fill in the empty blanks of my life.

if you dont mind me asking you about your multiple divorces, why so? and other question you said " I feel the best I have felt in many months" before these months were you not feeling your best?

what changes do you prefer me taking at the moment to be same like you are, "at the best"..

hey i really need some help, how can i delete a post i posted on here and how do i eamil someone to tell them to delete my account im sorry to interupt i just need someone to tell me what to do i have no idea im not good with technology

Hello Hussein,

Good to hear from you...no I do not mind being asked anything..and I sure do not mind you asking about my divorces. My life experience is why I say you are wise to be single at your young age..until you are sure. My youngest son married at 30..my oldest at 35 for three months and will marry this year at 50..and I feel quite sure it will be for good.

Now..my track record: I will start at the beginning..I had what looked like a normal childhood..mother,father,brother and me. My Dad was an alcoholic, my mother very stern, cold and critical..my father was very loving..although both parents told us kids that "they would divorce if it wasn't for having children." They fought all the time. My father was too affectionate and touched me in places he should not have for as long as I remember..he always used to come into the bathroom and make me stand on the toilet while he dried me. I remember being very upset..afraid to make him mad and afraid to tell my mother. In short..I had no healthy idea of love...what is should be like..would be like.

I grew up, even though I was considered attractive, to be very, very unsure of myself..did not have any self esteem.
I married at 19..not a good choice...and divorced at 31..I had two sons. When I was 35 my one son and I were in a bad auto accident..I a brain injury and my son had a broken leg. He was only six. He had been born with a club foot and had 3 surgeries and many castings to straighten his foot but being in a cast for his leg..his foot curled around again and he needed much medical treatment. His father, the man I had divorced helped us a great deal with appointments and when he asked me to remarry..I did. It turned out very badly for me and my children and we divorced again.

I was then single with my sons for 13 years. Then I met the man I am married to now...we have married at divorced twice-at his request-and then we remarried in 2004. In another post I went through the history of our marriages and the issues...maybe you can read that..or let me know if my explanation needs more.

Our problems are clearer now...but still changes must be made. He loved me when he and I were first married I believe though it only lasted 18 months. For my issues.. I just kept trying to please..had no feeling of worth and that I should not be treated this way or that...I was easily put down and was very lost and sad. For him... he cannot be close or intimate..will not be told anything..goes his own way and over the years has had girlfriends on two occasions that I know of. He can be very cruel. From what he came from...he does not know what a healthy relationship is either. The difference with us..a big one..is that he will not talk with anyone about our problems over the years...not even me.

So some of the things that happened last year were not new. The really difficult thing was I could no longer kid myself that he cared. I had been good for him financially. So..I got really depressed..I did not want to live like this..but I have wonderful grandchildren and sons I did not want to leave...so I just went into a shell last fall and cried and cried and cried...saw no one..took no calls..it was black. Then I went to my Dr...he put me on some medication and sent me to a therapist..my husband had even told me he did not want to exchange Christmas gifts or cards with me this year.

So..the big BUT was that after being on the medication and seeing this therapist..I knew I wanted to take control of my life. Do I know how? No, but I am learning. I want to do something with my life...so I have taken a few steps. It is amazing how much better I felt with the first step..just speaking up without anger..just resolve. I must learn how not to feel guilty..responsible for things just because he says so. You know what..he has seen he does not have that power over me already and I think he is a bit afraid. For the first time..he is not in the driver's seat and if we ever divorced...he has so much to lose. Money is not my God...but he cannot be without the freedom to spend.

So for you, my friend, you asked what changes I thought you might make...I am not a therapist and would not dare advise you. First I would say...love and respect yourself..if this is hard...why? In my opinion you are young to worry that you are not married..you will be. What do you think is the reason you lose interest in a relationship? Do the relationships move fast? Do you think it would help for you to be able to talk with a professional? I would love to talk to you more. Sometimes the first step to answers..is many questions. Even though we all play with the facts some times...when you examine your heart and mind...no lies to yourself~!!!!

my regards..Marilyn..wip
WOW....long..~!

MARILYN

Thought this time i was going to write to WORK IN PROGRESS but i got your name now, its a nice name Marilyn. well about your life i have a small three letter word but has a big meaning in it “WOW”! and i thought i m the person who is in lot of stress and depression, compared to you i guess i haven’t even started my life yet!

There is this sixth paragraph you said you went to a DR and took medication, does it really work? becaouse to what i see is we all just need somebody to listen to us and give us a push on solving our problems out.

i believe medication just plays a big role sociological then medical…