Long Distance Relationship Anxiety


I'm wondering if anyone can relate to how I'm feeling, and/or give tips.

My partner and I have a long distance relationship - he's Alaska, I'm Ireland. I've just returned from 3 months over there, and feeling incredibly anxious and fearful, (which would be down to my low self-esteem) and i miss him dreadfully. I had similar feelings in July, after a 5 week visit there, but they were not as pronounced as the feelings are this time round.

We have long term plans for me to move there, hopefully in September, but right now I'm an emotional wreck (possibly the Festive Season added to this, i felt more lonely) How do others cope with this? I cannot seem to settle down to life back here, i feel disconnected from my life here. It's as though my body is here, but my heart is still back there with him, and I just want to be able to cope with distance, and not whine to him about it.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated, as well as someone saying, "hey, i feel that way too" so i don't feel like i'm the only one feeling this way.

Thanks friends :)

Hi Wendy, I can't relate to you directly but I've had friends in long distance relationships, and ones that ended up successfully in marriage. I truly believe that love can conquer all and you have laid a solid foundation with this man who you have spent significant time with. You were on the high of highs of being with him daily for three months, so what you are feeling now is so incredibly normal. Give yourself time and ease back into your life in Ireland. As well, you mentioned in a comment to me [which I appreciate so much] that you Skype which is such a fantastic way to keep in close touch; rather than just phone calls, you are able to see one another.

May I ask why you have to wait until September to move? Is there any possibility of working towards a move sooner?

As well, he will be with you in February, which is something to amazing and so wonderful to look forward to. Take this time to focus on yourself, do things that make you happy; catch-up with friends, work-out, see family, etc.

I am here to help you in any way that I can, I know that you will make it through this time happily.

Hi Puppydogluvr,
I'm so grateful you replied, and reassured me, that this is normal, i was becoming very anxious, just needed to know i wasn't losing my mind i think.
I have to wait till September to move there long term, as i will be (hoping to) starting University on a Student Visa. That's not to say i can't visit in the meantime though, it's just that we're saving hard for Uni, and it would be very tight financially to fork out for another plane ticket, so i also think, that because i don't know when i'll see him after February, that's its causing some of the anxiety I'm feeling.
Anyway, i do feel much better after your comments, and advice, and now that the Festive period is over, and friends are back in town, there'll be more to do, to take my mind off things, and get back into the swing of life at home.

Thank you so much for your help, Happy New Year, and take care :)

hey wendy,
i was actually in a long distance relationship with my now hubby for 2.5 years. we only say each other like every 3 months and only for 1 or 2 weeks max. yet we made it through that time. if anything i think it brought us even closer as we got to know each other on a totaly different level(on the phone for like 5 hours total daily). and the few weeks we did spend together were the best ever, even with some arguments going, cause they made me feel that yes, we did have a healthy relationship.

anyway, my tips:

get a cheap international phone rate :-)

we usually talked before going to bed and after getting up; even if for only a minute but it made us feel closer.

if you both really believe in your love and your relationship then the time until september will fly cause you know it's the right thing to do, it's what's supposed to be!

do try to keep in touch with your friends while you're here. getting out and doing stuff is distracting, can make you feel better and gives you stuff to talk about.

and if you feel like telling him how badly you miss him and how much you wanna be with him, then do wo!! it's not whining!!

wishin you all the best! im sure it'll happen!


Wendy, I understand the feelings of anxiety about when you'll see one another after February, but try not to fixate on that. If you can, focus on seeing one another in February and then you can think about when you'll see one another after that. I just don't want anything to take away from your special time in February and everything leading up to that. I am also so happy that your friends are back, that's brilliant and exactly what you need now.

Maedi, thank you so much for sharing your personal story. Wow, that's so amazing. I had no idea. You are such a fabulous success story and shows us that love can truly conquer all.

thank you puppy!!!
yeah, he is my great love! i think it's the only reason why eve now we're still hanging on, even though on threads, but we'll see...

and you're totally right! so wendy, just enjoy february, make the most of the time!!!


Oh, I'm hoping that this is just a mini bump in the road for the two of you Maedi and that you get back on track soon. And, you two will be better and stronger than ever in your relationship. You give me hope for a love like yours....so please keep it going :-)

i shall try :-) thanks as always puppy!!

I know that you will Maedi, but I only want you to be happy and I'm here to support you in any way that I can. Please share when you need to.

Hi Maedi and thank you so much for the useful tips, and inspirational story. I feel lots better today, as i was not home alone, dwelling on it. I kept busy tonight, made some soup, did some exercise today. All good stuff, but i just need some reassurance you know?

We do chat every night just before bed, on Skype for an hour, as thats all my broadband allows, but i feel i would be lost without that contact every day. We also keep yahoo open , for random bits of chat throughout the evening, if he's not working, but i so agree with you, we are getting to know each other very well from a distance, and then when we meet, it's a very special reunion, and i so hope everything works out for you and your partner.

We do have debates about stuff too, but rarely get to an actual argument, but for me, even disagreeing with someone had always felt wrong. But my boyfriend has excellent communication skills, i have never had a relationship, where my feelings were validated, and either agreed with or disagreed with, in a way that didn't get me raging lol. Ah, love. It's a wonderful thing.
Puupydogluvr, so glad you always comment, as I value and appreciate all of your responses, it means a lot that someone cares enough to answer.

Best wishes, Maedi and Puppydogluvr, thank you both so much for reassuring me, when i needed it most. :)

always here for you wendy!! just email if you wanna chat or rant :-)

lots of love

That's so wonderful! I am so glad that you two communicate so frequently and that you have healthy debates as well. I am like you, where I really never get argumentative or temperamental. I am very even keeled and it take A LOT to get me upset. Keep up your beautiful relationship and please keep sharing.