I see all the posts of women divorced twice or in an ambiguous state due to a loss o a spouse regardless of the number. I'm divorced twice. It took me a long time to see the benefits of my past experiences. Stop looking backwards and start making goals for tomorrow. Right down the benefits of your marriage and the benefits to your divorce.
Make a list of 25 things you want to move towards in your new life and 25 things you want to move away from in your past. There is nothing wrong with your past decisions all of us can say at the time we really thought we were making the right decision. Your basing all o your feelings on false realities
Very interesting and realistic post. Majority of us, when we make a decision, we think we are doing the right thing. Whatever is done is done. I agree with you that we have to look forward and try to enjoy everyday and find happiness wherever it might be. Wishing you well. God bless you.
I agree that we can't change the past decisions we have made. I am really beating myself up over the loss of a second marriage. This is in no way how I envisioned my life to be. I am reeling in pain from the loss of my partner. It is such a useless loss. I have begged him to go to counseling, but he would rather die than face and process the things that eat at him. As a result, I have literally allowed myself to be held hostage by his depression, both biochemical and the kind you get with unresolved pain. I am especially sad that, even after I filed for divorce, I am still stuck in the cycle of wanting him, begging him to get help, and feeling like my life is on hold. The piece of paper that says we are married is not at all what ties us together, and I am so scared to know that when the marriage is dissolved soon, I will still be as emotionally tied to him as I am now.
There is nothing wrong with remembering, THAT'S HOW WE LEARN AND GROW. Also there is nothing wrong with remembering people who have past by our lives. They always have this nice little corner where the nice stuff is stored.
And soft, There is nothing wrong with leaving a one way street. Doesn't mean we don't care, it's called self preservation. So mourn the loss that's normal but don't dwell on it. If you guys end up getting a divorce ( and i'm assuming a kid or two ) and you get along that is great. My and my kids mom get along better now than when we were married.
You didn't mention hitting or bad stuff so i'm assuming again lol. In your new chapter if you get along well and even be friendly that is just GREAT. You can't ask for any better.
We've never not been friendly. My spouse had a breakdown, and refuses medical help. He walked away from the marriage for the second time in 9 yrs, The first time he ahd a similar meltdown, in 2002, I stuck it out and we reconciled two long years later. This time, in an effort to avoid putting my life on hold for two years while I wait him out, I filed for divorce on May 23. It is against all that I want. I felt I had no choice. So now, to think that I can be just as stuck emotionally as if I hadn't filed for divorce is really killing me. I just got back from my doctor. I will be starting an antidepressant today. I am stalled in my brain, not sleeping, lacking motivation. 20 pounds lost, etc. And I have two kids to raise by myself. Tomorrow, I start in with a counselor. Thank God I am employed with decent insurance. I am looking forward to the day when I turn the corner emotionally, but to be honest, at this moment, I do not see light at the end of the tunnel.
Sad to say but sometimes to save yourself you have to cut and run. The kids see the discord also and that isn't good for them. They'd be better off seeing them every other weekend like my kid does with his mom.
So of course it's a hard thing to do, but because of it you get to see a doctor so you can deal with it. So you already have been dragged down.
Sounds like by what you wrote you get along and that is good for the kids sake.
And eventually you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes time to get over the guilt part and heal up. So give it the time it needs. Start doing things you like to do, play with the kids. Any positive thing will make the past fade away sooner.
Michael, Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am really struggling with this loss and am no where near the acceptance stage. I am still bargaining for a new relationship that I can live with. I look forward to the day when this doesn't hurt as much. I am sorry to say that I believe the death of a spouse must be easier than divorce, because there is closure at the very least.