Looking for some support

Two weeks ago I had confronted my wife of 26 years if she was having a affiar, it took a while for her to come around, I had dis-covered some facts, so she had no choice but to admit it. The affiar was going on for about seven months with someone she had worked with. I was getting kind of suspecious a few months ago when she told me she loves me but she is not in love with me, she also had a few over nites at a "friends" house, then she asked for a seperation but she wanted me to move out, told her thats not gonna happen she needs to leave, of course she could not leave because she can not support herself. I don't know if she was looking for someone to nurture we have three kids and they are grown, I am the main bread winner and do most of the cooking, cleaning and most of the "house chores". To top it off the guy she is having affair with is a alcoholic, and she thinks she can change him, she may be older but she is not wiser. She says she wants to try and work it out, but I feel like she is just using me to keep a roof over her head, if i move out then home will probabaly go into foreclosure and ruin my credit. Feels like someone is standing on my back

dclaw, I have been where you are and words can't explain the depth of emotions infidelity causes. I know very well how heavy your heart feels and how hard it is to fill your lungs with air. My marriage was 23 years with 3 grown sons, when I caught my husband talking sweet nothings to his mistress. I too had suspected for some time, which he denied and I wanted to believe. His initial denial, once caught, and attack of me for spying pushed me away and I filed for divorce. We ended up loosing everything and ruining our credit, much as you fear will happen to you. After getting past the many mistakes we both made over the next two years, we were able to reestablish a wonderful relationship for the six years prior to his death last April. What I am trying to share is everyone can make mistakes for all kinds of reasons, but when you have shared the majority of your life with someone, parting isn't easy either. I would like to suggest you consider counseling. If she would be willing, a counselor may be able to make her see the err of her ways before it's too late and help you find a way to forgive her. I can tell you from experience you could avoid much more pain than you have already experienced and keep your credit in tack. These days that isn't an easy thing to reestablish. This is just a suggestion, I know you are really hurt and angry right now, but I hope you will really consider this. Take deep breaths as you can and try to take care of yourself. This stress can't be good for you and you probbably need to see your GP as soon as you can to make sure your blood pressure is normal. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Many Virtual Hugs, Raylene

dclaw, it is strange when someone chooses someone that is BROKEN & usually the reason lies within ones self to figure it WHY & find answers.

Funny Face has given you good advice & we're here to listen/talk/vent & share with anytime you feel like it.

Take care of you.


dclaw, funnyface has a unique perspective. I unfortunately am a little more bitter. My 24 year marriage is failing because of my husbands multiple infidelities. It has taken me a long time to learn, I can forgive him, but i cannot forgot how that has made me feel, and I know that i am not the problem. I cannot trust him to not hurt me again. The choices we have to make will never be easy. But our friends here do offer an ear and great support. It does sound to me like your wife wants you to give her the easiest way out...while still supporting her. Don't be a softy...she did not do anything taking you into consideration while she was being unfaithful.

My husband also said he loves me but he is not in love with me, so I know what ur going through!
I don't understand how they can say they still love us when they show no respect and go outside their marriage?!? That's not loving someone in my eyes!