This is the THIRD time I've tried this! Hope it goes thru this time.
I have a 33-yr-old daughter who is in very bad health due to drug abuse. (heart problems, lung abcesses, hepatitis)
She's gone from cocaine to heroin to methadone to suboxone, but still alternates heroin and suboxone. She is depressed and I really believe she has wanted to get off drugs, but has very little impulse control and she and her husband (also drug abusing) enable each other.
I know she has to decide on her own to quit, but I also believe her health is so bad that it might kill her, unless she is in a hospital that does rapid detox, which I can't afford. I feel helpless and so extremely sad and am starting to withdraw from life more every day.
Is there anyone out there I can talk to? Or that can somewhat relate?
Hi. I can relate. My mom has been an addict her whole life. Mostly heroin. Its a sad life. There are specialists who can help and I'm sure that you could get help from the government. I'm sorry that you have to live like that. It was terrible with my mom. I haven't seen her in 12 years but when we were together she would be abusive physically and shed cheat on my dad in front of me. i know how you feel about her and her husband. you want to help her but you dont know how. its like watching a car accident. I guess the only thing I could suggest is to let go and let God deal with it. Truat youself enough to know that you did not raise her that way. Don't blame yourself for her mistakes because she is an adult with a disease and if she can't see that she needs help maybe its best to leave it alone because it will only stress you and upset you. I hope things get better I will pray for your daughter
Thank you so much for responding. I didn't think it would, but it does help to hear from another person that it really is as bad as I think it is. The comment about the 'car accident' is right on.
She is living with her Dad; I feel bad for her because he is treating her the ways he did me (he's passive aggressive). I do think he is partially to blame for her situation. He was basically uninterested in interacting with his children; but if I tried to set limits, he would undermine everything I did in a sneaky way. And so, she never learned how to curb her impulses; all she had to do was twist him around her finger to get out of trouble.
I don't see her often...I think she realizes how much this hurts me. She mostly comes around when she needs money. She looks so bad; anyone can tell she is an addict. The last time I had much contact was about 2 monthes ago when she was in the hospital, on death's bed. They pumped her full of antibiotics, built her up, and then she used heroin in the hospital (her husband brought it in to her)and they wanted to put her in ICU (I think as a forced detox) and she checked herself out. Then, she came to my house and when he brought her more drugs, I said she couldn't do heroin in my house; so they left. I know she is in survival mode now, but I just can't live like that.
I feel like a terrible mother, not being able to help her; she says I don't understand, and I know I don't, because I don't live that life. But, the biggest obstacle, I think, is her husband, because she won't leave him to get treatment. He has a lot of mental problems and she manages all his medications and Dr. visits....but then they think they're so smart, juggling drugs too. She has looked into rapid detox, but it costs $7500 and even if I could afford it, I don't think it would work because she won't leave her husband. I don't even approach that subject, because others have and she gets adamant that that will never happen.
Sorry I'm going on and on. Anyway, I would welcome any comments from anyone.
Don't worry about going on and on. That's what this site is for. Anyways, that is ridiculous about the heroin in the hospitol. The next time it happens you should let the doctors knnow what's up. And honestly, the 7500 detox isn't worth you paying if she is going to go back to the same crap. Its hard to not feel like a bad mother but the fact that she don't come around you tells me that she knows you love her and want her to live a long time. You really need to have confidence that the crap she's doing has nothing to do with how you rasied her. Them thinking they are invinsible is a part of addiction. Maybe you could contact the local police department so they can do a raid. Even though jail sucks at least she will be forced to detox and be away from drugs and the court will make her do a program and they will probably pay for it. Jail is better than death and you should not have to make funeral arrangments for your daughter.
I don't know if she's being truthful, but she told me that the withdrawel from suboxone is much much worse than withdrawel from heroin or methadone. I did find a site where the addicts were confirming that.
She did have a very understanding doctor when she was in the hospital that said that the worst thing he could do was to detox her at that point because it would probably kill her. He was kind of looking the other way...he had to know she was taking suboxone on the sly..because without it she would have gone into severe withdrawel. She can't afford medical care, so she buys it on the street. And even the doctors in the hospital can't prescribe it. Only a few doctors n this area have the special license needed to prescribe it. If she'd been able to get that, and finally had a doctor that would help her, she may not have done heroin. The only reason she got treated at the hospital is because they couldn't turn her away or she may have died and they are afraid of lawsuits. Usually, she couldn't get treated for anything she had. But, she had a high fever and was dehydrated and had a lung abcess.
I don't know where you're from, but I don't think our jails pay much attention to someone who comes in on drugs. I'm not sure she could live through that and I couldn't live with myself if I caused her to be there and she died in jail. If I didn't think that might happen I'd probably get the police involved. I'm not sure that her treatment would be paid for either. I could make a few calls. But my ex would probably bail her out anyway.
I've been thinking about what we've been talking about all day. It really breaks my heart to see (or read) that somebody is going through this turmoil. And I got an idea. Its probably obvious but you came across my mind while I was driving past a church. Have you tried asking a church for some sort of treatment help or maybe some kind of direction?
I think she has exhausted about every avenue, but I will check into it. She tells me that, because suboxone gets into your bones, the withdrawel is 100 times harder, and takes over a year and she just can't face that much misery; so, she feels the only hope for her is rapid detox, which is not cheap....and I don't see a church footing that bill, especially since her husband needs it too. However, it can't hurt to ask.
But, your suggestion did get me thinking and I have been in a downward spiral for so long that I think I just lost my faith entirely. I am not a 'religious' person in the way most people think of it. I was raised Baptist, so I've read the Bible a lot, but I was very confused and found a lot of it hard to believe. I have searched all my life for answers to spiritual questions, and for a good while feel that I was on the right track....but I lost it. I got in so much fear that I couldn't climb out.
I started on the right track when I attended al-anon years ago, and then ACA (adult children of alcoholics). I remember now that I really need to 'let go, and let God'. My worry and fear just blocks the miracle we need. So, I picked up a book that seemed to be calling to me, and it seems to be just what I needed. I am in a much better mood and feel myself getting stronger.
Your suggestion about the church did really stir something in me. Thanks!
I'm glad I could help. I'm not a religous person either. I haven't been to church in years and I haven't really read the bible. But for some reason beyond me I have always known that god exsists. This might sound dumb but I look at what I've been through in my life and I see what other people have gone through and I think its amazing what people in general can endure not only physically but mentally as well. There has to be a God somewhere.
Yeah, I'm pretty much an agnostic myself. I know there's something, but I don't think anybody can define it. I for sure don't believe in a big imaginary man in the sky saying, "you did good so you get blessings and you did bad, so you get punished". I think that's just people making God in their own image... I think it's more of a power that is in all of us and in everything that strives toward good. But we mess it up with our 'unbeleif'. So, I'm going to start remembering that power; because when I did, my whole life got great. I'm reading "The Power of the Subconscious Mind" and that's pretty much what it deals with. Like I said before, I've searched a lot and this is what seems to help me. When I forget about it, my life turns to #$%@#.
I can relate to you. I feel so bad for you going thruogh this. I am going through some similar things with my son, he is only 16 years old. I feel like I am just on the sideline watching his life go down the drain. I have put him in detox twice in the last year. It has not worked for him because he does not want the help. He did it for me he said. To make me happy. He truly does not want the help. And I can't make him want it. It is so frustrating and I feel so alone in this. I don't want to wake up in the morning. I have my own issues with prescription meds so I know all too well how hard it is to even try to stop. I don't see anything good in his future. It is looking very grim right now. I keep thinking that someone will have the magic answer, but I know there is not one. It just boils down to this, he does not want help right now to get better. I hope I live to see the day when he does. If he does. People look at me like I shouldn't have hope, but I have to. Its all I have.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is a very bad place to be. I have been through what you are going through with my son as well as my daughter. He’s 38 now, but was on drugs when he was 14-16. Then, my daughter was on drugs when she was 15. It is a very frustrating situation when they are so young and don’t have any idea how bad it can get. My son is no longer a drug user, doesn’t even smoke; but my daughter quit for appr. 10 years…her story is a long one, but in a nutshell: she had a control freak husband that beat her self esteem into the ground, kept her barefoot and pregnant; and when she started to get stronger through therapy and wanted a divorce…he took her kids and she completely lost it and went back to drugs. (His family has money and ours doesn’t)
I hope you’re getting some kind of support. I went to al-anon and a tough love group. That really helped me live through it.
If you read one of my posts, you’ll see that I am reading ‘The Power of Your Subconscious Mind’. I used to have more faith, and my whole life got better. But, lately I had lost it. I finally woke up one day and realized that the only thing I can do is pray for her. But, I had forgotten the principles I used to believe in and this book helped me remember them. Maybe you could get some help by reading it.
Does your community have an alcohol and drug detox program. Wouldn't that cost less? It sounds like your daughter may be willing. Look on the bright side that she is. My dad is homeless and an alcoholic and may freeze to death because he refuses shelters, alcohol treatment and to go to churches to sleep at night. Your daughter is my age, if she stops no she still has a life to live.
I haven’t checked into it, because my daughter has told me that she has and can’t find anything, but I will. The biggest problem is that her husband is very backward and she manages his problems (he is bi-polar and also has a very disturbed daughter that they were trying to get…it’s a long story). She won’t leave him even long enough to get treatment, because he would probably fall apart without her. They enable each other, so I think they’re both going to have to have a miracle before they’d ever succeed at sobriety.
That’s really sad about your Dad. I will pray for him too. When I say pray, it’s not like most people pray. It’s more like imaging and believing that a miracle can happen. I hate to be repeating myself, but that book I’m reading is really awesome…The Power of Your Subconscious mind…it might help you too. It’s really easy to find if you google it.
Janie, You can do it! I will be praying for you too. Your mom really needs you and I'm sure that she is so happy that you are fighting it...it will probably even boost her recovery.
Are you getting support? There is AA most everywhere, but I think you might be able to find an NA group also. You probaby know more than I do about it.
I don't know if you can go back and see what I've written, but my daughter has told me a lot of how it is being addicted and I know kicking it is beyond hard. It's something 'normal', non-addicted people just don't get. She's tried to quit, went to the Medthadone clinic in Indiana, thinking they would help her and her husband taper down; but, she they wouldn't let them go down on their doses....it's a money-making business. Then she went to suboxone, because she , again, thought it would be easier to taper off; and now she's found out it's worse to kick than any other drug. Do you know about this stuff?
Sandi
Sandi, I just joined this support group on the internet wasn’t sure what I was doing when I commented on the guy who was saying some thing about his son and people thinking he should loose his hope. And was touched by it cause my Mom never lost her hope for me and that’s what kept me was her hope for me. Thank you so much for replying back to me. Yes I am fighting this addiction very hard and it is a struggle every day. But, I refuse to let it win. I am currently awaiting to go to rehab and am attending NA meetings dailey, that has been a big help but to have find some one here that I can talk to is also a wonderul help to. I don’t understand about your daughters addiction cause I’ve never used any thing but meth and some how it has to be some what the same I understand it’s alot harder to come off of the drugs she’s useing than meth it is very hard for me and I feel so sad that you are sufering from this i only hope she realizes that you do care and finds some way to get help I no it breaks your heart as it has my Mothers. I no I couldn’t bear the thougt of loosing my Mother knowing that I broke her heart cause of my drug use and did nothing to correct it. I will live the rest of my life trying to make up the last 10 years that I took her joy by this awful choice I made to use drugs. My hope for you is she comes around cause it was at the end when i did and I will pray for her as well a Mothers love is the greatest thing I never had any children so I can only speak of the love mine has shown me and I’m so thankful that I did wake up before it was to late. I had tears in my eyes when I read your story and I hope and pray she get’s help before it’s to late. Thank you for listening to me and may god bless you and yours this holiday season and forever. Sincerely Janie
Hi Sandi how are you today? I wanted to say hi to you and let you no I will be leaving for rehab any day now but until then I would like to say hello to you dailey and see how things are going with your daugter. I am praying for her as well. Take care and keep your faith in god ok. Sincerely, Janie
Hi, Janie, I'm doing pretty well today. I am praying for my daughter and turning it over to God.
I think you are going to do just fine because you have the right attitude and motivation. AA is a good program to help you. I know a lot about the 12-step programs, because I attended Al-Anon and ACA myself. As the say, "One day at a time". Take advantage of all the help you'll get, and later, when you have a good handle on it, you will be able to give back and help someone else. Who knows, maybe you could be of help to my daughter.
Our relationship is kind of weird. We can talk, but she doesn't come around much. I don't think she wants me to see or know what she's doing on a daily basis, and I really don't want to, because it hurts me so much; but at the same time, I know how she got into this and all the problems she's had in her life and I don't have bad feelings towards her at all. I've told her this and she knows I love her. And I know she loves me and has a very high regard for me. Until recently we didn't know just how the other felt, but we had a series of long talks back in July, and now we know.
Anyway, I'm always glad to hear how you're doing. It gives me hope...so keep writing.
Sandi
I am so touched by these stories..Janie, you have inspired me to even more keep the hope that my husband will succeed in his recovery..thank you and i will be praying for you and your mother...congratulations, it is a major step to realize that you dont want that liffe anymore...Sandi, keep ur faith, God works in mysterious ways...just love ur daughter and know that it will be ok
Hi, I haven't been on here for awhile. How are you doing, Janie? I don't know if you will be able to get this, but if you do, drop me a line; I'd like to hear how things are going.
'getting my husband back', I don't know your name, but, you are SO right. God does work in mysterious ways! I was very sad and upset for a very long time. I didn't see how I could help my daughter. I started reading this book, 'the power of your subconscious mind' just a month ago, and it helped me so much. I started doing what it said, visualizing, doing affirmations, and praying. I started having faith that we could get a miracle. Things started falling into place last week. I am happy to say, I am taking my daughter and her husband to a detox program in Michigan on January 17th. It truly is a miracle.
I need your prayers too. We are very excited but a little scared, because she needs to be healthy enough to do this...that is our only worry. Please pray for us.
Hello, my name is Lana. I’m a drug addict. I’m addicted to methadone and ritalin. I’ve been addicted for over 20yrs. now. I’m 45.
Addiction is the most difficult and baffling disease. I’ve tried rehab and detox more times than I can count. I’ve read all your post and finally had the nerve to comment. I believe your daughter and her son are getting the help because of your possitive change. GOD IS IN CHARGE. not us. I believe when we have negetive thinking or negetive energy it creates it almost. But, when we have possitive energy around us, miracles happen. But, all this is easily talked about and I believe it. But, sometimes we feel so bad about what we’ve done to ourselves and others, that we deserve it now. I don’t know. I’m conflicted and its 3am. I just need help myself but can’t seem to find the will to do it. Why? for who? my mom who abused and abandoned me. For my husband who beat me and went to prison and I took him back. I just know that sometimes bad things happen to good people and there is no reasoning. Its there time to go. I do not see the light so excuse my pestimistic ending. I started out possitive then thought about me. I pray for your daughter and her son. Some people do make it and I hope yours does. As for me…ONLY GOD KNOWS