Looking for where I fit in all of this

Mental Health Anxiety & Panic Disorders
1

So, I'm currently exploring some clinical help and I came across this site. I don't fit in divorce, and I don't fit in anxiety, I don't think, so I'm "parking" myself in generic STRESS for the time being...

I continue to grapple with several things in my life. When I explored professional help in the past, it all came back to abandonment issues. I'm SHOCKED that "Abandonment" is not it's own group on here.

So, short version, from the beginning...

At 4 or 5 my mother and father divorce. He gets fulls custody and shortly after she leaves town, as she was not from my hometown and her family all lived thousands of miles away. My father remarries, I go from an only child to having 2 step-brothers. He divorces about 8 years later. Now I'm 13 or so. He remarries a couple or years later and is still married to her at this time. I'm 32 now with 2 step-sisters.

I'm married with two young children. I think we have a pretty normal life. My wife and I are reasonably successful. Finances are a topic at home, but typicall not a "problem". She comes from a very close-knit family and I'm OK, with that, but it does bother me at times. It's just something I don't understand or identify with and I don't think she gets where I'm coming from either.

My mother remarried a career Air Force man. My father was in the Air Force when they met and got married and HER father was a career Air Force man. Pattern? Clearly the whole settling down in my father's small home town wasn't something she expected ultimately or something she could adjust to. I don't think she and I are close. In fact, we once went 2 years without speaking on the phone. She also didn't come to my wedding although invited with plenty of time to make plans to do so.

So now here I am in my 30's. A child of multiple broken homes who's mother left him at an early age. I've been successful at avoiding destructive behavior; I've never been into drugs or alcohol, I did well in school and OK in college and I've stayed out of trouble in general. But I have this sense that I don't fit and people, even my immediate family, just don't understand me. I seem to seek acceptance from people. And now I feel like I need acceptance from large numbers of people, rather than simply a close circle of friends and family.

So now I'm here, and I don't see where I fit in here! "Divorce" seems to be for adults dealing with divorce. I don't think I was "abused" and I don't think anxiety is a fitting description for my feelings either. So here I am, in "Stress"...

Quite and intriduction, huh?

2

im sorry for what you are going through. have you sat down and just talked with your wife about your feelings and the things that bother you? there are some things from my childhood past that bothers me and i talk to my husband about it and tell him how it affects me and bothers me. just having him listen and being there to support me through it really does help me. even though she has a different type of upbringing doesnt mean she cant support you. maybe you could just tell her that you need someone to listen and be understanding. im sorry for what you are going through. i hope this helps. this is a wonderful site with nice people on here that like to help eachother out. this is a great place to vent. hope your day gets better.

3

Hello ReachingOut, welcome~ It sounds like you've had a really tough journey through life thus far. However, it appears that your will and determination are quite strong seeing as you have your own family, kids and home. Furthermore, you also have the courage to seek answers to your problems, and finding out that Abandonment is probably the root of your issues is already half the battle won, in my opinion.

I can relate in part to the abandonment thing~ it has been proposed to me that I have these issues, too. Mine comes from my grandmother dying suddenly when I was 2yrs old. She lived with me & my parents and I spent much of the day with her. Her death hit my mother (this was her mother) pretty hard and I think it may have even traumatized her. She lost her father suddenly to a heart attack when she was 16 & was only 23 when her mother died. In turn, she always felt distant to me. I'm not surprised, though & I know it wasn't her fault.

I think you've done a good thing for yourself to join here; I'm quite new to this site, but it seems there's a nice bunch here. You are not alone, please don't forget that. Take care & keep strong~ Let us know how you're doing.