Looks like there are fewer members in the group hopefully is because some have recovered already.But for the ones that are still here I wanted to share something that might be of help. I know HOCD feels like it controls you and you can not do anything about it but in reality we are the ones doing everything. The thoughts, the feeling we have all created it. we are at fault, its not easy to blame oneself for something but you actually get peace with yourself from doing it and gives you more control over your mind. You can say to yourself I am responsible for this or HOCD is my fault. The more you repeat this phrases, the more it will internalize and make you realize that you have more control than you think. Hope this helps
1 Heart
I have to disagree, but it's not true. It's not really our fault that thoughts and feelings feel real, regardless how fake and unreal they are, we're not capable of distinguishing between genuine attractions and false attractions. With that being said, we can only choose to stop worrying about our sexuality until we heal.
2 Hearts
I don’t think I have posted in the group for a long time. And that’s because I thought I was in recovery. But now it’s creeping back. I have a friend that triggers me, they are bisexual and getting really close and making me uncomfortable on some occasions. I hate that I’m back in this viscous cycle. I thought I was over it forever. Now I’m afraid I never will be.
That is so hard when you are like, I have a handle on this and then it is like the handle falls off. Just remember, it is an up and down road and sometimes you have it handled and other times you need a tuneup.
I thought I had a handle on this as well, but I feel like I’m falling back into the cycle again. I’m jumping from obsessing about my weight, to my relationship, my dogs, and now about being a lesbian. I have nothing against lesbians, but I would rather die than be a lesbian, and/or be attracted to women in any way. I’ve always been uncomfortable with my sexuality, and I’m wondering if that is contributing to my inability to accept being a lesbian. I have also been uncomfortable with female nudity and talking to attractive females… However, I don’t if it’s because I’m attracted to them, or if I just feel inferior. I’ve had plenty of pretty friends growing up, but I never really thought about their looks. I did worry that I had a crush on my best friend in grade nine, and I stopped being friends with her as a result… But I don’t know if her increasing comfort with her sexuality just made me uncomfortable, and I confused that with having a crush on her. I know I didn’t want to be with her. I know I had crushes on guys, and those feelings were so different than what I felt about my friend. Anyways… I’m 37 years old now… And I just realized that I was 27 years old when I first learned about hocd… That’s a really long time. I’ve been with the same guy for nearly nineteen years, and I’m not interested in leaving him for anyone. But, I’m seriously worried that I’m a lesbian or bisexual… And I don’t want to be. I feel like I shouldn’t be intimated by attractive women if I’m straight. I’m not intimidated by women who I feel like I’m on par with physically. I’m intimated by attractive men to an extent, but not at all by men who I don’t find attractive. Actually, if I’m drawn to a man, I’ll totally ignore him.