I am new to this group, just joined now as a matter of fact. My Mom had a stroke in 2006 that left her and invalid and she could speak but you could not understand what she was trying to say. I was my Mom's main caregiver and I have what I call so-called family because none of them helped nor accepted any responsibility in helping Mom. My Mom passed away Nov. 21, 2009, and I am having to handle everything of hers along with my own things as I am single, alone, no support system whatsoever. I am having a really hard time with Mom's passing. I just was hoping to find someone to talk with and that would understand. It is very very hard and to me it only gets worse each and every day.
Darci, I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you were a wonderful daughter. I know how overwhelmed you must feel. I lost my husband 6 months ago and I know loss is something that you don't just get over. I am sorry you don't have a support system at home, but we at this site will try to fill that void. You will find many who can relate to you, so I hope you'll contiue to share with us as we share with you. I have been amazed at how helpful it has been to me in my journey. I don't know if you have considered therapy, but it may be of help with the overwhelming feeling you're having. Please contiue to post here and we'll help anyway we can. Many Hugs, Raylene
Darci, It is so true how powerful words can be. My husband used to say you can't unring a bell. We will be here to support you any way we can. I have gained so much strength on this site, sharing with others and I hope it helps you too. Many Hugs, Raylene
Hi Darci,
I am very sorry about your mom. I truly know how you feel Darci, even more so today. I'm also single, and alone with no support system. This morning I lost my best friend, my cat, to diabetes. I too feel completely alone. My mom passed away in 95. She had MS for 25 years, then developed cancer. My 2 step brothers and sister were never there as they all lived out of state, so it just left me to be there for my mom. I was rite up to the last day when I sat nest to her in the nursing home for 24 hours holding her hand when she passed.
It took me a long time to get over my moms passing as well.
Hope we can keep in touch here.
Take care,
God Bless,
Ed
welcome to support site and please use the group to your full advantage.
here we will try to help u get thru those miserable days that linger, attempt to make u smile as u do the chores of packing a loved ones things up,
i am so glad u were there at the end and im sure it was such a relief when they were out of pain, although im sure the hurt was devastating at the time, grief is like that its bitter sweet.
remember there is not a magic number for grief its done when its run its several courses and spirals
have a good day and post with whatever u want to chat about
Six weeks ago my mom and I had a wonderful weekend. We went shopping and to the casino for a little while but she was tired so we came home. We had a great Labor Day, my cousin had come down from So. Carolina and we just hung out and talked about all kinds of stuff. My cousin and I started to do somethings around the house to make life a little easier for mom cause the doctors had advised she had the beginnings of Alzheimer's. Stuff like motion sensor lights and a baby monitor in her room.
Tuesday Septeber 7th, I woke up when I heard her moving around, went to the kitchen to find her trying to make coffee and feeling very confused.....I took the pot away and made her coffee and we chatted for a few minutes. I walked about 5 feet away to let my dogs in and came back to her having a massive seizure. She had never had a seizure EVER. We got to the emergency room and within an hour I was told she had a massive brain tumor.
September 8th (her birthday)we had a small party in her room and she had no response what so ever....she ate a little cake but that was it. Then the neurosurgeon came in and told me it could be one of three types of tumor but either one meant she would probably only live 3 months.
On the 9th she had surgery to remove the tumor and the doctor advised it was a glioblastoma and that she was covered in cancer and that she would not live too much longer. I brought her home on the 17th and she passed on the 22nd.
I am an only child, divorced, with no children. All my family lives 4 hours or more away. I have my dad but he has shut down and just hangs out with his friends to not be home. I sit home all day with my dogs and cry.
I have always lived with my mom and we took care of eachother. Even when I was married my ex and I lived with them so I could care for her. She was my world and now I am left alone to try to figure out how to live without my right hand without my heart.
When my mom was diagnosed in 94 they told us she had 6 months. She ended up living over a year. Her quality of life was not good at all. She could not talk or even use the call bell to call the nurse. At least your moms wasn't a long drawn out thing and she is not suffering anymore.
Do you mind if I ask a question? Did she drink diet soda or eat allot of diet / low fat products?
u must feel so sad to have it end so abruptly and so suddenly as well.
its always worrying when our parents are under the weather but when they are your friends as well its really hard to cope.
get yourself a quick check up hon, the stress and anxiety of this occasion take its toll on u so make sure u are as well as u can be.
it has been a short while and your dad is probably trying to cope as best he can, he is suffering from shock and not quite sure what to do with his emotions, i guess at the moment he cant face the home without her.
have u thought about a face to face group to share your pain and get feed back from others who are in that situation, sometimes it helps if u can physically speak to others and hear the pain they have as well.
apart from that hon keep posting with any questions u might have about this, grief isnt instant but time does heal all wounds but for some that can be days weeks years before they are at a place that they can function again
Thank you soo much D – it is very hard because she was always my best friend. She raised me on her own until I was 10 and I introduced her to my dad (step). She was the heart and soul of our family and I have had to be so strong through all of this for my dad above all – this seems to be helping just writing things down seems to help.
its funny how we define people by being the heart and soul of the house/family
and im sure u have lots of memories to share with us about those times. i for one would be interested my fondest memory of my mum is her doing the wash on mondays and telling us to jump the steps as she scrubbed them :)
and u really must tell us about her meeting your dad (step) i bet that was one to remember, my mam had a male friend who sadly never became more than a bingo and whist partner although they did share some moments like xmas and easter just cos she was cooking anyway, or so she said
writing it down helps u to remember the good things as do looking at the photos of happy times,
u give your dad and yourself a hug from me so i know u have had one today
Gosh I do not know where to start my Dad was killed in a mining accident when I was 10 years old and it was me and Mom trying to make it and had always been that way. I had 2 older brothers as 1 was 14 years older than me and the other was 12 years older than me and they were married and out on their own so it was Mom and me. Mom had never worked, did not know how to drive, and here we were a 10 year old and Mom I am sure was going crazy and not knowing what where to turn or anything. But she learned how to drive, got a job and it was me and her. I had to grow up way too fast, but my whole life has revolved around my Mom. My brothers and their families and wives were never any help especially after Mom had a bad stroke in 2006. I worked and was her main care giver and did the best I could for her to the end. I still miss my Mom I still cry all the time and due to finances and handling her funeral (alone with no help) and everything I do feel like everything is crashing in upon me and crushing me in addition to crying all the time about Mom. I do not care if you have long notice so to speak as Mom had her stroke in 2006 and died in 2009, versus being so short time with everything that happened with your Mom I just do not know what to tell you as I was still not prepared to let go and still not it seems. I wish there was something I could do to take your pain all away I truly do and being alone with no support from anyone just a non-family that has always treated me like a door mat or worse. It hurts and it hurts bad and you do not even have anyone to just talk about your Mom with. I truly wish I could help I do....
Hello, Darci. My mother died in 1989 from complications due to a severe stroke. I was 12 years old at the time.
I cannot imagine the suffering you had to endure as her main caregiver. I was my mom's "releaser"..As in, I had given her the "permission" she seeked to die. Not even 12 hours later, she was gone.
You have been through a whole lot in your life. And you are a strong person for pushing through. Even though, I know right now, it doesn't feel like it.
My mother survived barely a month. I cannot imagine watching her suffer for three years. That month was enough to last me a lifetime.
In some ways, within your posts, you are describing my life. We are a lot more alike than you realize. It's a lonely world indeed. Especially when we feel like adult orphans.
My father is still alive, but is pushing towards 70, and in not the best of health. Soon (as in, about the next 10 years, I say) I will have no parents or biological family around me left.
Know that you aren't alone. Feel free to contact me through a message, if you wish.
Hey guys --- thank you so much for all your comments yesterday was my first truly bad day and your comments helped so much.
It's funny how much alike we all. My mom was left with a 3 month old in Cuba back in 58, it was a hard time because back in those days a divorced woman was very taboo. She suffered through abuse from her parents and the rest of her family and yet she survived. We came from Cuba when I was 10. Can you imagine coming to a new country, a new language, a new way of life with a 10 year old and she sat me down and said "I don't care if we live under a bridge but we will be together and we will not live with anyone".
We arrive on a Saturday and she started working in a factory across the street from my school on that Monday. At that time catholic services gave you $500 and that was to cover your rent, security, buy some furniture, clothes and food. But we did it. I would go to work with her at 6, cross the street to school, come back and have lunch with her and then come back after school to wait till 6pm when she would finish.
Our little 150 sq. ft. apartment looked like a mansion to me. One day I met this nice man at my uncle's restaurant and I told mom I wanted her to marry him. Well they met 2 months later and married 3 months after that. They never had children together, she always said that when she was younger and could have had children with him she was afraid he would do like my biological father and leave her in a strange country with 2 children. Though she always regretted not having children with my dad, she always thought she did the best for me.
My mom and dad are the American Dream. Two people who came with nothing to these shores and America opened her doors and told them "You and children can be and have anything you want -- just have to work for it" and they did. By the time we retired to Florida they had built 9 businesses, all small, but all theirs. We bought a large farm where my dad still works, now just telling everyone what to do and where mom gardened. Now it's up to me to keep those roses bushes going even though I am allergic as hell to them.
I am blessed that I have my dad and 4 gorgeous four legged children that give me so much I could never pay them back. But I feel truly blessed that I found all of you.
what an amazing woman u had as a mother, and how great that she had both u and your dad all those years, it just goes to show all u need is determination and grit which im sure she left as a legacy to u to continue that dream she lived,
in some ways its sad u had no sibblings but it sure sounds like u had plenty of love and caring whilst she was around.
four legged children are great company and can be just as demanding as the two legged variety.
wishing u every sucess with those pesky roses (i seem to kill all i try to grow). and keep posting
its us that are blessed to find u and share just a little of your story and be a part of it
The four legged babies are dogs. All mutts and all from shelters or just left at the farm. Once someone dropped a box with 6 new born puppies in it. I also sometimes help out with the horses we board.
Thank you for all your wonderful comments....Yes my mom was a wonderful woman and she will be missed by so many people. But right now the loneliness is starting to set in and it's getting harder to deal. I am on going on a trip for a few days and I am hoping that will help.
Darci, Thank you so much for sharing this inspiring phase of your life. We who are born here take for granted how blessed we are to live in a country to be free to have what ever we're willing to work for. Your mom was a great and brave lady, and although you can't see her she will always be with you. When you miss her too much, just share your feelings with us and we'll support you any way we can. We're just a click away. I have gained such comfort and support here and I'm sure you will too. Many Virtual Hugs, Raylene
your mum will b with u what ever u do, those memories that u cherished and kindly shared are just there waiting for u to think about her, look at those roses and see the loving tender care she gave those and others around her. listen to the wind and hear her voice gently tellin u to do what u need to do. every time u have the four legged babies about think of the words she use to say, the joy she had in living shes not gone forever just moved on ahead on a journey that its not time for u to take yet hon