Lost and need direction

I have been with my husband for 12 years. We have three kids together. I just recently found out that for the past 6 years he has had an affair and has two babies with her and she is pregnant with their third. I know that I need to get a divorce, I just don't know where to begin, I called some lawyers but almost fainted when they told me how much it was going to cost! How can anyone afford that? My heart and soul have been torn apart. I still can't believe that this has happened. It is like I wasted all these years. My kids are my everything. He has said in the past that if I tried to leave him that he would take the kids, there is no way that I am leaving without them. So much I have to figure out. I have to find a place to live for my kids and I. So much is going through my mind right now, I am not thinking clearly. I just know that I want to do the right thing.

then please do what feels best in your heart and start your plan for leaving. just a plan may be helpful. i have divorced before three times some of the time ez other times it took up to a year. you have children and maybe home etc so it will take some time but start talking to attorneys and even see if there is one willing to do a payment plan or do homework at the library and read read read. you need to make sure you get child support, medical care, if he has a job where u are eligible for his retirement you can do that too. the other woman does not matter this is about the vows you took
don't lash out on her and don't let your husband know anything until you have filed - just my opinion. talk to people you know are trustworthy - even if its none of your family and friends.
yes you are hurting but turn that hurt into a decision to get your plan moving. good luck and be well

thank you

When you feel the strength some days more then others, heres a site you can look at to find answers to questions that you may find useful, mediators arent cheap either....my heart goes out to you.


It mentioned things that I hadnt considered when emotions are overwhelmed & grasping at straws.

Take care of you.


I recently had my eight year relationship end because he found someone else he wanted to be with. I dont make the salary I use to and have a 4 year old son and found myself in the predicament of figuring out where to move to and how i would afford it. meanwhile being told to hurry up and get out. I know what its like to know you have to get out and worried about how to do it and what was the first step. Ive learned not to look at all that needs to be figured out but take one step at a time. first thing I did was finally move in with friend because I coudlnt afford to live alone and didnt want to be alone. I can imagine how difficult this time is for you and wish I had more for you. I can only handle looking at what needs to be done one day a time otherwise you feel overwhelmed and dont do anything. During my first divorce I did join a support group and that helped.They can share info on how to work thru the divorce and succh. I am too new in my pain right to offer too much more except that I spend a great deal of time praying and reminding myself that its not going to hurt this bad for ever and after my first divorce things did get so much better and I did find happiness. what did cause me pain in the relationship that followed was that I didnt allow enough time between ending the first one and starting the new one so I ended up in a similar situation.I dont know if you are religious but I will say a prayer for you that god may guide you and ease your pain. take care.

I know how you are feeling and I can imagine your pain and hurt by his actions and not knowing this . Did you EVER have suspicions of him seeing someone else.
I suggest you start documenting everything ..if you fear whats ahead a good place for advice is the womens shelter and if you are forced out at some point you can stay there which would make you eligable for legal aid.
He is only being manipulative and controling by saying he will take the kids away. Hes commited adultery .
I suggest you check out the site April shared and keep searching for info that may help you.
The womens shelter have MANY GREAT rescources you may feel you don't need to use a facility like that but I guarantee you they can be of great help.
You have rights ..fight for yourself and you children.

Your in my prayers..♥

Thank you all for your help. I plan on checking out all of the things mentioned.. For a while in my heart I knew something wasn't right, I prayed to God for an answer to what was going on with my husband and then the next day I found out about the other womam...I like to call her a home wrecker, since she knew that he was married with kids and she continued to persue him. She said that would never stop until he was hers that she loves him too much.
Thanks again for your advice!

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