At this point in life I feel so lost I'm not even sure where to go. I've suffered from depression for years. Since before high school i've self medicated. I decided to take on sobriety about a year ago and managed to do it on my own. Also managed to quit smoking cigarettes too. I went back to school after taking a year off after high school. I have my boyfriend, granted our relationship is probably far from healthy but its someone at least. I should be happy. I should be looking forward to the rest of my life. Instead I feel ready to give up. I want to go to sleep and never wake up. I feel like there is almost no one to turn to. 99% of the people I know are fake and two faced and I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. I don't want to worry my family. No one seems to understand just how hard it is to make it through everyday and pretend that I'm okay. I come home and just sit in my room and cry because I just don't know what else to do. I feel like I can hardly function anymore. Every day just gets harder to fight though. Life feels like it's only going to get worse.
I'm pretty sure I'm rambling and make no sense but if I stop to think I won't be able to write... I just wish someone would care and not tell me that I'm crazy
Sounds like you are going through an insanely tough time. I'm going through a lot as well and have been trying to handle it myself. I've got people I can trust but, like you, I don't want to worry the ones I know do care about me. Something someone has told me and what I would probably tell someone if I weren't the one in this situation, is that by not talking to the people who care about you, it may be doing more damage for them than just telling them. I know I sound like a total hypocrite because I am doing the same thing as you but, I'm trying to talk to them about it. Maybe you could try talking to at least one of them that may be able to help you? I really hope you find a way to cope with everything that is going on in your life. And please, don't give up.
it would help your loved ones to know what is going on in your lives they might not have the answers but will be able to be there for u so u can at least talk without any fear of repurcussions, sometimes u need to inform others what u are feeling so that they can opt in or out as a few do when things get to scarey or they are out of their depth,
nothing ventured nothing gained so why not give it a try to explain how u are feeling u never know they might have been there first at your age
xabbey, i can see you joined here a while ago but still well done for finally opening up about your depression.
what do you mean you have self medicated? st johns worth?
have you ever spoken to your doc or maybe even a counselor about it?
other than feeling as if you cannot trust any of your 'friends' what do you think might be the cause(s) for your depression?
I self medicated with anything I could find. Mainly painkillers and other drugs, I signed up for counseling at school but I have to wait till the semester starts to actually start going. That feels like it's an eternity away :-/. I know I can't trust most of my friends. I get attacked when I have a different opinion and say it.
sometimes its the pack mentality at your age and they dont like things to be different thats more to do with their limited thinking than u so just ignore them, when do u go back and to who will u be speaking about this problem?
when u see her it might help to have written it all down so that if u cant talk about it u can at least show them what u are thinking feeling and then u will be off to the best start
School starts again on the 18th. They have an entire counseling center. I met with them once already just for the whole background information part of it. I liked her in that meeting. I just hope something helps because I know I can't spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I know I have an older mentality then most college students and I don't think that helps me either since I don't look at life as a big giant party like most people seem to do.
i was never able to relate to people my age either. i always hung out with older people actually.
would you want to meet new people? do you think you could try trusting them?
do let us know when you see the counselor again and how it went!!
It definitely is a good thing to have it all written down before you go. Not only because of what Domestic said about you being able to show it if you can't talk about it. But it's also a good way to clear your head of all your thoughts and make sure you've got everything down that you would like to talk about. Sometimes when you're in the moment, you lose everything you meant to say. I hope the days go by faster for you so you're one step closer to seeing the counselor and one step closer to being happy.
if its going badly then u have all of here to be with u and if its just a hiccup along the way then we are here to support and reach out any way we can
personally i find im drawn to younger people as others my own age are a bit set in there ways and i love to try new things