Lost.... Please Help

I'm completely lost! I don't know what I have gotten myself into... I have no one to talk to about my addiction to pills. My family would be so disappointed in me, my boyfriend who I plan on marrying would most likely leave me, I don't know why I am doing this to myself. I am zero days clean... I have been taking pain meds for 4 years. I quit taking them for 4 months spring of 2009. Now, I am only talking 2-3 a day, which is not a lot! But, why can't I stop taking them? Even worse, I started taking adderall about a year ago. I am a full-time mom of a preschooler, a full-time student, and bartend on the weekends to make money. Working at a bar doesn't help my adderall addiction at all! But, I need to work and cannot afford to quit my job. I also have no insurance so I am unable to get any sort of medical help for this. I am so embarrassed at what my life has become. I totally feel out of control. Please, anyone, I really could use help/advice....

Hi EH,

Such a big secret to hide on your own... I can understand how frustrating it must be for you given your post, and not having the support of your family, partner and friends in the way that you need to get through this addiction. I completely understand your concerns being that you can't talk to your family or partner about your drug use as you are fearing that they will be dissapointed, which is a normal reaction. We surely don't always like to admit when our lives are slightly going off track and it is quite dawnting especially taking those steps. You are doing remarkably well with all your responsbilities in your life.

I suppose when you can maybe you could try to see a doctor and have a discussion with him about your concerns. I realise that due to circumstances that maybe quite hard to find the time. I know there are alot of supports on this website and many others that you could utilise that could be potentially helpful. I was addicted to Valium for at least 2 years it was not the most pleasant experience of my life and my probelms seem to have esculated from there on. I see a Psychologist when I can get into see her.

Hopefully you will receive some good supports on here, keep posting if it helps I know it helps me.

Take care, talk to you soon always here if you need a chat. :)

EH, I am a parent who caught my daughter taking money from us because of her addiction to vicodin. When confronted about the money, the best thing for her was to confess even though it was the hardest thing on earth for her to do. Her father and I decided not to judge (even though it was extremely disappointing for us) and immediately got help for her from her physician. We started weening her off until she was at 2-3 pills a day, but it was difficult to reduce the dosage anymore without the support of an addiction clinic. She has been working with them for 7 months now and has been on a drug that eliminates the side effects without producing the desire. She had tried several times to get off the pills by herself and was unable to do it. The addiction is too powerful and the withdrawal too uncomfortable. You can choose to go through withdrawals with the help of someone, but it is dangerous. My suggestion is to find an addiction clinic in your area and work with them. They are open early to accommodate working people. Even though she is still on a controlled substance, she has a great job now and can support herself. Please get the help you need. You might be surprised at the support your family might give.
PS: I have even found out that I am missing expensive jewelry, but I have never told her about it. No sense...she is doing better and that is all that matters!
Good Luck

well i can relate to you ive been addicted to percocet for a little over 4 years, and my family has no idea. i think if anyone ever told them i am they would deny it...i recently seperated from my fiance he left me, money problems that turn into argumeents about pretty much everything) i have money and a decent amount but i use it to support my habit. i did take some really big scary steps to get help this week that just passed,i will be treated with methadone starting monday.11-29. i have two friends that know my truth...and no-one else.i called a helpline that was very helpful and kind with clinics and support groups. some depending on where u live have sliding scale costs. i think the average cost in mass(for example) for treatment 1st month, witch is doc appt. lab work and counseling..$275-375. then costs of medication will vary if u decide to use that would be in around 400 a month for me that is 1/4 the amount i spent a month.since im just starting treatment, or should i say i will start on monday i feel alot less burdened with this lie ive lived for years... best wishes

Don't give up. I have beaten alcohol, Xanax, Ambien and the adderrall is the next. I have reach so much about it that when I brought myself to the point of fulling understanding it, it scared me to death. I have lost vision because of adderall. That is a fact. Ruined multiple relationships; had many encounters with the law. I was brilliant, had great career. I know that I can beat it. Support group would be wonderful, as even my husband who has no addiction issues cannot fathom the havoc, pain, etc that I am going thru.

I don't have anyone to talk to either. My best friend killed herself because of drugs. No one can understand unless they have been there.

Maria Miller

EH. I know what it feels like to feel lost and alone in your battle. You need to be honest with the man you are going to marry because this is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life. If he loves you he will stand behind you and help you, if not this could forecast what your relationship will be like for years to come.

Do not be ashamed of your situation. Many people are in exactly your shoes. It does not make you less of the beautiful person you are. Please keep posting your journey here, it is helpful for you and many others.

Your are in my thoughts and prayers daily.

has anyone been able to truly help u. if not please let me know and i will tell my story. and it will help you. 100 percent

I could use your help! I am a chronic pain sufferer and have slowly weaned off of 40mg of Oxycontin/day and 10mg of Oxycodone per day. I am down to the last 10mg of Oxycodone and today I am going cold turkey. I have wanted this for SOOO long. According to my doc cold turkey is not dangerous at this dosage (with respect to withdrawals). He worries about a relapse and is recommending another drug (I am not sure if I can post the name on this forum) b/c he believes it will be my best chance of success. I do not want to replace one drug with another! i want to have a baby and do not want to have to worry about getting off of another drug. He does not recommend the other drug for less than one year! That is just another year I have to worry about getting off of this. My pain has been better although I worry it will spike while I am in withdrawals. My last dose was 10 hrs ago and I feel my anxiety rising just thinking about what is in store for me. The withdrawals themselves are not as bad as I anticipated…but it is still early! I just need some support.

Well I believe you need the samething I need someone you can trust and call a friend to have you back and help you find the real issue and help you out of it and get some control back in your life. I am Chris, I have also posted my issues on here I would like some advice from you and maybe we can talk and try to help each other out.

Please reach out to someone. Your life is worth it, even if things will change drastically.. Don't be ashamed to get help.

My brother was just like you... using adderall, xanax, valium, etc. He was ashamed, embarrassed, all of that. He was a private user. He didn't tell some of the closest people in his life,me included. Because he didn't tell me what was going on, I didn't have the chance to help him and he died of an overdose last Saturday.

I wish he would've asked for help, because I would've done anything to save his life. Someone in your life cares that much about you and you probably know who they are. Ask for help. You deserve to live.