Loving, being in love, and being married to an addict is the

Loving, being in love, and being married to an addict is the most heart breaking thing I have ever done.

My husband is an addict. He used to do hard drugs, before he met me, but no longer does anything major. He had a serious drinking/gambling addiction that almost cost our marriage, and he currently has an ongoing porn addiction.
when the situation with the drinking/gambling reached an all time low, he stopped everything and was sober. or so I thought. one night, he confessed to me that the reason it was easy for him not to want to go back to drinking was because he was taking something to get his mind off it.
Kratom.
Now, for those who dont know what Kratom is, its pretty much a powder that youre suppose to make tea with, and its suppose to be a pain reliever. However, my husband has no chronic pains, and he takes Kratom every 2-3 hours, every single day. The effect it gives him is this "body and mind" high. It completely relaxes you, even when you take it only once. My concern is that my husband takes it so often every day, that it is giving him more than just a chill high, its giving him an actual high, bringing him back to his days where he would be high on hard drugs, and not get in trouble, because technically Kratom is legal and "natural".
on top of doing this without telling me, he hid it from me for three months, he even dug up a corner of our carpet in our closest to hide the Kratom so I would never stumble upon it. Hes lied to me about it when I found residue in the car, he said it was just seasonings from the kitchen he works in.
I am a sober person. I have 2 young children who I find to be all the reason I need to not be under the influence of anything. My husband TOLD me he was sober too, but he lied. Then when he confessed, he told me he will never be completely sober.
He tries to manipulate me by saying that Kratom is harmless (which he doesnt know that for a fact -- and he uses it for no actual reason, and he uses it so much, I just believe he is always high)
My love for him and my core morals battle so much with this. (not to mention his porn addiction too)
I've told him that eventually, his addictions will be the end of us. He disagreed.
I just feel like im buying time until our inevitable end

You are correct in feeling like you are buying time till the inevitable end. The question is how long are you willing to put you and your children’s lives on hold and endure all the emotional pain and financial loss you will suffer while he goes from one addiction to another. Have you gone to any groups that address action steps to take when dealing with addicted loved ones? Or individual therapy that would help you take the steps required and give you the support you will need in order to confront him regarding his need to stop all addictions in order to save his marriage. A structured separation may be necessary to convince him of his need to become sober. You didn’t mention how old your children are and whether you have family and friends for support. My prayers are with you in this difficult situation.

@jjconcern our children are young, 5 years and 10 months old. I have had many, many talks with him about his addictions, but as all addicts claim, “theyre not addicts” he simply says that he cant and doesnt want to be sober. his sober mind is “boring” according to him. hes told me time and time again, he will never be sober, he will always need “something” thats why i know, eventually, we wont last. I love him. hes a great father, and we have a mostly great family dynamic, but that addiction…itll break me and him.

hi april, i know so much what you are going through. My ex wife was an easily addicted person too, sheused to do heroin way before we met, in the time i was with her it was binchdrinking, gambling, weed and who knows what else. I loved her to bits, tried to sand by her, help her hoping she would overcome her addictions. Never happened, one always replaced another just like you mentioned. I finally walked away after we split a few times over the years and i went back and we tried to work it out. I am not trying to say leave him but the separation thing certainly doesn't work or it didn't for me. I asume you two talked about it lot of times, i think you need to work out if you want this for the rest of your life or not, for me dealing with it for years nearly broke me. I hope you find your answer and stay strong and don't forget to look after yourself

1 Heart

@schlieman
your story seems similar to mine. we have separated, and as you said, it never permanately works. and youre right, dealing with it, for only the two years i have, its breaking me. but my love for him keeps me around. I want to leave – i want to RUN, but i keep staying. between our marriage, kids, and financial reasons, i cant just up and leave. i am stuck, in so many ways :frowning: