Lower than low

Well, last night I finally fessed up and told my husband everything. After a lot of tears (me) and questions of 'why'? (him) - you would think that coming clean about the whole problem would make me feel so much better. Unfortunately, I feel like the lowest thing ever, simply because i have hurt him by not being open and honest. This seems to have led him to doubt my integrity about other aspects of our marriage too, which is not at all the case, I would never hurt him intentionally. I don't think that he understands that I did not hide things from him to deliberately hurt him. But I have and now i feel so guilty and so **** about it all. I just don't know!

That sucks sugar, I'm sorry you feel so low. I haven't told my boyfriend (of 9 years) yet about my shopping addiction and over-spending, because I know he would also question my integrity in our relationship. I think it's just how men think. In their eyes, if you can lie about one thing, then you must be able to lie about everything. I want to get a better handle on my addiction and log some more time in recovery before I come to him with it. I think he will respond better under those circumstances.

It'll probably take your husband some time to come around. He might benefit from learning more about shopping addiction and understanding that it's a real sickness and not just you being dishonest. I think the more a person knows about a condition, the more empathetic they will be. Is your husband the type of guy that would be open to learning more? My boyfriend isn't big on learning and accepting new things and that's also why I haven't come to him with it yet.

I was fortunate enough to have my parents to go to. Although, coming clean to them didn't come without some shame and embarrassment too. My dad especially, was very upset. He said things that were true, but hard to hear... like, after everything he taught me about money, I went and got myself wrapped up in credit cards and now I don't have a pot to piss in. He really looked at it from the logical male perspective, which I needed to hear as well.

The great thing about coming clean was that I shared my secret with people who, regardless of their anger and disappointment, are supporting me in my recovery. If your husband can support you in your recovery, the shame and low feelings now, will be worth it later. You have to feel bad in this addiction, before you feel better. At least that's been my experience.

I'm about 2 months into my recovery and it's been hard. I still feel ashamed around my parents and I don't even like to talk about spending money or wanting for anything. I think in time I won't feel that way as much and the more they see me making positive changes, the less they will worry about my recovery.

It all takes time. Time for us to understand what drives our addiction, time to actually make positive changes and time for the loved ones in our lives to accept that we will make mistakes, but ultimately we are committed to getting better. I think in time your husband will learn how to trust you again. He probably has a hard time understanding the shopping addiction or doesn't realize that it's even an actual addiction. Helping him understand what you're going through will likely give him more empathy and hopefully the rest will work itself out.

Best of luck to you!