I have been married to my husband for two years and i posted a month ago about me being unhappy and what i should do. I talked to him a few days ago and told him that I was unhappy and I told him most of the reasons why and it has not been going very good. We are trying to figure out how to fix our marriage without going to counseling. He wants me to be able to tell him that we will make it and be fine but I have my doubts. I did not tell him two of the big reasons and I dont know how to tell him these. 1. That I dont feel like im in love with him and 2. that I am not attracted to him physically and cannot stand it when he touches me or when we have sex. I feel like I have broken his heart so much already and I dont know how to tell him these things. Can anyone help me I feel like this is not normal to not want to be around your husband let alone have sex with him.
Hi Heather,
It's a hard place you are in. I was married a long time, but for many years was not in love with my husband and did not enjoy sex with him. I finally divorced him after we had raised our kids. I never hated him, he just felt more to me like a really good friend. I broke his heart, but to make a long story short I had kept alot of my issues bottled up inside for years, it destroyed my love for him. Think hard about when you started to feel this way. Is there something he says or does on a regular basis that turns you off? Is he caring and considerate of you or cold and demanding? Once you have your list sit down and talk to him about it. See if you can come to a happy medium on things. There were lots of things my ex used to say or do that was a trigger to me and instead of telling him right up front that I didn't like them I kept them bottled up until it was too late. Counseling is not a bad thing either. The ex and I tried it, it did not work for us, but it did prove to me that my marriage was irretrievably broken and made it easier for me to go my own way. Life is short, by all means put some time and energy into saving your marriage if that is what you want (it took me two years to make the final break) but don't spend your life somewhere that you are not happy with.
I have talked to him before about our sex but he never changes anything and he is demanding and i have told him that and he says he is trying to change that. there is nothin in particular that i have noticed but it has been almost a year of me being unhappy about everything. We are sitting down again tonight to talk things over again and get everything out on the table. I feel bad for him if I tell him this because I know it is going to break his heart. I cant keep it bottled up anymore though because it is not doing any of us good.
Honesty is the best policy, but the truth does hurt. Maybe the other aspects of the marriage that are making you unhappy is why you are not attracted to him. Maybe he isn't romancing you enough to attract you. Those things are very important to women. Sit and tell him, and if he truly loves you he will do whatever it takes. And if it doesn't work out then at least the two of you tried everything. Best of luck!